Until the first star comes out
by Sasha.0986033
Summary: Danny finds another letter with Danno written on it's cover. He doesn't understand. Steve disappeared. Why he did it again? Could he stop him? Or there is much much more to be worried about? He soon realizes the reality is far beyond his worst fears. Extended summary inside! (Lot of Steve whump, team angst, parts of Steve's past, NOT major character death)
1. Prologue

_**PROLOGUE**_

* * *

 **Title: Until the first star comes out**

 _REWRITTEN (Originally: Crossroads)_

 **Summary: Danny finds another letter with _Danno_ written on it's cover. He doesn't understand. Why he did it again? Could he stop him? Or there is much more to be worried about?**

 _ **Extended:**_ **Steve is acting wierd. On 8th year anniversary of one of the worst days in his life happens something unexpected. How will Danny react when he'll find the letter Steve left him? Where did Steve go? Danny has bad feeling and it's only getting worse with bad news coming. He will have to face the reality he was always afraid of. Everything looks lost until unexpected revelations bring the new hope to our team.**

 **Warnings: little spoilers from random episodes, lot of whump**

 _ **Story time: **_**Guess** **somewhere in season 8, not so important**

 ** _Characters: _Steve, Danny, Catherine, Lou, Jerry, Tani, Junior, Kono, Chin, Joe and some "made-up" guys, also many characters that appeared in real series are mentioned**

* * *

 **I don't own the characters or anything just the idea for this story, which was made purely for amusement of my lovely readers.**

* * *

 _Aloha to Hawaii five-0 fandom!_

 _At first, I need to say I'm sincerely sorry for my grammar. I don't have beta and English is not my first language, but I'm trying really hard. Despite that fact, I hope you will enjoy the story. If you find some unbearable mistakes please, let me know to get it right._

 _Second, this is rewritten story, needed more details, though._

 _After my first 2 stories I've decided to make something with more details, feelings, McDanno relationship, with much more love and of course, my heart in it. I hope I will be able to add into the story lil of stuff I would personally love in real series, like much more of Steve's past, time with SEALs and all military things (that are super interesting and important for me by the way), maybe Catherine and so so on. Now when we have wonderful newbies in show, I've dicided to add them in my story. I hope you are not against it. Of course I love our cousins and I' not still ok with their leaving. So, I tried to make a compromise and have them all in the story, news and olds. I hope it will work good._

 _My another confession is, that I'm really into stories about their love and caring for each other in hard times, in dangerous situations, dealing with worst enemies, difficult choices, sacrifices etc... Really love their brave caring and loving souls. (so just whump fan :D )_

 _I'm also big fan of McRoll relationship. (and state of it in series is hurting my heart terribly.. I hope they finnaly end together and forever in season 8) So no Lynn, no nobody, only Cath this time. It's true that they've been trough a lot, but I still somewhere in my heart hope there is a way how to let them stay together finally._

 _And of course McDanno friendship is most important thing in the world. So lil of bromance won't be missing._

 _For those who read original story: I've made couple of changes, I wanted to hold onto reality more so I decided to drop out Billy Harrington and like I said I also added our newbies Tani and Junior. I hope you will like it!_

 _Need you guys to know that I very appreciate all of your reviews. It's super motivating to know that people are reading the story and are interested in it. I also appreciate criticism or advices. It helps make my story better and more readable. So please, if there is anything on your heart, drop it in comments or feel free to PM me! Thank you for all your support. I love you!_

 _If you would like to know what happened in some parts that weren't in my story, let me know! I'll try to add them into sequels._

 _And frankly, I'm not sure how often I'll update my story cos it's pretty rough year for me now, but I'll do my best to be it short periods haha. At least I'll let you know in the end of every chapter._

 _Ok, I think it was enough talking... it's time to move on our story! Enjoy!_

 _(sorry again for grammar)_

* * *

 **Let's begin**


	2. I'm sorry, brother

_**I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.**_

* * *

CHAPTER 1.

 ** _I'm sorry, brother..._**

* * *

It was warm quiet summer evening. Fresh ocean wind was softly smoothing shore, sun was going down, skies were golden. Steve and Danny were sitting quietly in old wooden chairs on the beach at Steve's place. Steve's eyes were observing the ocean. They were filled with something huge that was pressuring his soul, something Danny never saw before.

 _"What's wrong, babe?"_ Danny handed another bottle of beer to him.

 _"Hey... you there?"_ he jogged to Steve's shoulder when he realized no answer is coming.

" _What?... Uh sorry..."_ He grabbed that bottle and opened it quickly, looked like disturbed from another world...

" _Okey .. what is happening Steven_?"

 _"Nothing... "_ Steve looked back with misunderstanding face.

 _"Again...Would it kill you if you were once... just once honest with me about your feelings?"_

Danny saw sad look on his face. He knew speaking about feelings is not one of Steve's strongest sides, but... it was making him crazy... all the time...

 _"sorry Danno..."_ Steve added sad smile and continued:

 _"you know... 8 years today... since Freddie... since I left him there.."_ Steve took a sip. His eyes stucked somewhere far away in the horizon. Danny wasn't sure what to say. This was hardest thing to talk about with Steve. They didn't talk much about what happened, Danny knew he never wanted to. He wanted to deal with it on his own... But now... maybe he realized it's never going away... it's not gonna get better. Maybe he is ready to get used to it, but finally with someone's help.

 _"You wanna talk 'bout it?... because I would be glad if you...just.. tell me"_

 _"Not at all.."_

 _"Steve... c'mon.."_ He didn't make a move. Still starring away with frozen face and shallow breathing, just squeezing a bottle of beer in his hands. Danny breathed out sadly thinking about next step to make him talk. And then, after while, Steve looked at him deeply.

 _"... Why are you looking at me like that?"_

 _"I'll go get some pizza.. you wanna piece?"_ Steve turned back. Than he stood up.

 _"Yup"_

 _"Okey.. I'll be right back.."_

Danny was curious. He wanted to know what made Steve acting like that. He never seen him like this before. Not even in the hardest times. Not even near death, not in dangerous situations. ..never. Thinking about life... it wasn't righteous to him so far...so much pain he suffered... he has full right to be broken... but is he?

" _Here you are."_

 _"Thanx.. What about now?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Talking.."_

 _"uh.. I don't think so... nothing to say.."_

 _"Just start from the beggining ... tell me something about him.."_

Steve was looking at him. Than he turned around to sea once again. His eyes looking not as childish searching for first star as usually.

 _"He didn't deserve to die... that's all.."_

 _"Hey.. tell me realistically, what possible choices did you have back than?!"_

 _"Not to take him with me to that op, not to let him die there, just.. not to leave him Danny.."_

 _"There was no other way and you know it..."_

 _"Leave no man behind... "_

 _"You both could have died there, you did the right thing, you acomplished your mission, if you would went back for him you would be dead too by now."_

 _"You don't know that... I'm sorry Danny I'm tired...I'll go to bed.. long day in front of us.."_

 _"Steve.."_

 _"Good night Danny..."_ He walked away _"I love you"_ just echoed from behind.

 _"Love you too, sweet dreams, babe!"_ He didn't even wait for for first star.

Danny left alone sitting in backyard, watching smooth waves and last sun rays flickering on them. He hoped he could find a way how to ease the Steve's pain. He hoped that tomorrow will be better.

"Guess it's time to go home.."

* * *

Next day was Danny walking to his office. Even when sun was high and wind was softly blowing, he was exhausted. First thing he was gonna do was to grab a cup of coffee and some malasadas. Another day of paperwork.

 _"Mornin guys..."_

 _"Good morning Danny!"_ Tani answered.

He entered his office and noticed something on his table. When he realized what it is, his breath froze and his mind consumed panic. He grabbed white envelope. _Danno._ He couldn't believe it's happening again. Steve did it AGAIN. What the hell he think he is doing? Panic replaced anger. Danny opened it quickly and started to read.

 ** _Hey partner!_**

 ** _I'm sorry. I had to do it again. I wish I could tell you this in person, but circumstances are against me. I will be out of the island for a while. Don't worry about me. I can't tell you why, and I know you are very angry right now, but trust me, I am very sorry, brother._**

 ** _Look after my team while I'm gone. Governor knows._**

 ** _Take care of yourselves,_**

 ** _Steve._**

 ** _PS: Sorry for yesterday._**

Danny was irritated. Thousands of thoughts ran trough his mind. It was bad idea but he had to try. He picked up the phone and called him.

 _McGarrett, leave a message please._

Danny smacked phone on the table and angry walked out of the office. There was only one way how to figure this out. Governor.

 _"Hey man, what happened? "_ Lou noticed his unusually high temper.

 _"He is gone... again..."_

 _"What? Who? What do you mean?"_ Tani joined conversation.

 _"That animal... neanderthal son of the..."_ Danny shouted walking away and leaving them in shock.

They looked at each other and spoke in same moment.

 _"McGarrett"_ Lou ran out to catch Danny.

 _"Hey Danny, where are you going? Wait... Daniel!"_

 _"On my table."_ Danny shouted back and sat into the car.

Lou runned back to the office. Tani was standing there with asking face. Lou pointed at Danny's office. They found a letter and started to read.

 _"What does that mean?"_ Lou was confused.

 _"I'm not sure... but Danny once told me about Steve's trip to Japan... he mentioned something about Steve leaving a letter... he went looking for some WoFat guy."_

 _"Oh man... that's not good...but WoFat is dead."_

 _"Is he?"_ Tani was confused too... she didn't know much about that wierd man called Wo Fat.

 _"He is... don't you know?"_ Tani just kept looking at him.

" _You work with McGarrett and you've never heard about that son of the bitch?"_

 _"Nope"_

 _"Oh girl...How is that possible?"_ Jerry joined them, he couldn't believe. _"He kidnapped McGarret.. twice.."_ Jerry looked like he is going to start a story about his favorite superhero and his biggest enemy. Little fires in his eyes.

 _"Wait a minute... is that even possible?"_

 _"I was surprised too.."_ Lou noted.

 _"What happened?"_ she was interested.

 _"Well.. it's very long history... First time he went to North Korea with Jenna Kaye to trade money for her fiance who was captured. But she betryed him and gave them Steve instead of money. Short story- Wo Fat took him to some bunker, he wanted to know about Shelburne. Things went wrong and Wo Fat shot Jenna in front of Steve.. Danny, Kono, Chin and Joe with SEAL team 5 went to rescue him... Steve was mess "_

 _"Shelburne?"  
"Thats the -long history- part..." _Lou again noted forhimself. _  
"Right..."_ Confirmation from Jerry made Tani to go on..

 _"Oh God... and ...and second time?"_ Jerry and Lou looked a each other. Lou continued this time.

 _"It was 3 years ago... he took him by his way to work. We found his car and a lot of blood. It was long day.. Thanks to Adam we found Steve in an old basement lying on the floor half dead. This time Wo Fat wanted to know where his father is being held... WoFat had no walls.. They drugged, waterboarded and electrocuted him ... fortunately, Steve managed to kill him even in that condition... finally.."_

 _"I don't understand.. why.. why Steve... what does he has to do with him?"_

 _"And here we are back in -long history- part... When Steve was a kid his mum died in car explosion... but it was just a cover..it was her... Shelburne... she was a spy, pretended being dead for years.. because she should've kill Wo Fat's father... but unfortunately his mother died instead in that op... She decided to take care of little Wo Fat herself...but when her superiors discovered it, she had to abandon him... What a mad wierdo grew up from him...For some reason he blamed Steve for everything and turned his life into living hell."_

 _"Jeez... What a story... I had no idea... a spy mum? a kidnapping?"_

 _"yes.. our boss is a badass..."_

 _"And what about that Japan trip?"_

 _"uh he left a letter on Danny's table and disappeared for couple of days.. went looking for Mr. Evil ... his plane was almost shot down ... almost died again... why are we talking about this by the way?"_

 _"Because he did it again."_ Tani and Lou said at the same time.

 _"Did what again?"_ Jerry stood in front of them surprised.

 _"Left a letter.."_

* * *

Danny entered governor's office. All the feelings were raining in his body. He needed answers and he needed it now.

 _"Detective Williams."_ He was surprised.

 _"Governor, please, when was the last time McGarrett spoke to you?"_ Danny squeezed seatback of chair in fron of him. Not going to sit down.

 _"Yesterday morning, why? Is everything allright?"_

 _"What did he tell you?"_ Danny urged on him.

 _"Excuse me?"_

 _"He told you something about being gone for some time?"_

 _"Detective please, sit down and tell me what is going on and why are you investigating me."_

 _"He left me a message he will be out of the island for a while and he also told that you know about it... I just want to know where he is, sir."_

 _"I don't understand why are you dramatizing it.. He took a couple days off... I'm not asking where is he going to spend them.. I'm not his mother, detective..."_

 _"Last time he did this, he went to Japan chasing WoFat and almost got killed. With all due respect, I'm not dramatizing it, sir. I just can't let it go. I know my man..."_

 _"Calm down detective. He knows what he is doing. He is a grown man. And if he didn't tell you, he probably had a reason. Just focus on your work while he is out."_

 _"Yes sir."_ Danny left with boilng anger. His only lead was gone by second. There was nothing to help him. He had to find another way and he wasn't happy about it.

* * *

 _"So? What did he tell you?"_ Everybody turned to Danny when waiting for answer for Lou's question.

 _"Absolutelly nothing... Steve spoke to him yesterday morning.. he took a few days off.. that's all..."_

 _"That's all?"_

 _"oh... he also said the Steven McGarrett is a grown man and he can take care of himslef... he has no idea what is that shmuck capable of.."_

 _"Maybe it's nothin.. we are freaking out for no reason.."_ Tani said softly.

 _"No... I know him... I just know him too well.. We have to find something."_ Danny leaned on the table. His eyes were glazed. Not longer angry... they were worried. Steve was sensitive yesterday. What made him to leave? Maybe it has something to do with Freddie? But revenge for his death Steve did long ago. Or maybe Navy? Did they deployed him again? It would be hell of a coincidence. Danny felt like drowning in the ocean of options and scenarios. He hated so much when he was out of knowing. Steve was just gone. Nothing left there, only that stupid letter with no explanation. Steve was somewhere out there, doing something stupid and dangerous as usual. Only God knows what kind of trouble he is in.

 _"I will call Junior.. he should know something..."_

 _"That's kind of idea I wanted to hear."_ Danny said quietly with bit of hope. His hands were squeezing corners of table. Eyes observing all around for some another leads... whatever that could help them...

Sun was hidden in grey clouds.. within 2 hours everything changed from sunny morning to silence before storm. Wind fastened and air smelled by rain... Everything was quiet and dark..

 _"Hey... Detective, where is McGarret please?"_ Junior joined them right when Tani picked her phone out to call him.

" _You are right in time J..."_ Tani smiled and pulled her phone back to pocket.

" _Great!... so.. have you seen him somebody? He is not picking up my phone.. I can't find switch box... electricity is down cos of that weather"_ He still stood in door leaning inside.

 _"We were about to ask you the same question... where did he go?"_

 _"What are you talking about sir?"_

 _"This was on my table this morning.."_ Danny handed him the letter. Junior was obviously surprised as same as everybody else.

 _"Uhm.. I don't understand..."_

 _"Do you have any idea what is going on?"_

 _"... no.. I...everything was as usual this morning... I think.. every day we wake up at 4:30, go for a run and sometimes for a swim... This morning I decided to go swimming too, but he told me he is not going with me... he needed to go to work sooner today.. that's all... he just left... And now I'm trying to talk to him for like 2 hours but he is not picking up..."_

Danny closed his eyes in deprresion, took a deep breath. Then looked out of the window on cloudy sky. Palms were dancing in wind and waterdrops. Lighting above the sea was drawing scratches on the sky. He felt thunders in his bones. He didn't know what to do.. he no idea what was about to come..

* * *

 **TBC**

 ** _MAHALO for your time, please leave a review and have a nice day! Next chapter coming really soon!_**


	3. Guilty man

**"Pain is just weakness leaving the body."**

(Navy SEALs saying)

* * *

CHAPTER 2.

 ** _Guilty man_**

* * *

 **(32 hours before Danny found a letter)**

It was nice morning. Everything looked like paradise. Steve took a sip from his morning coffee leaning on kitchen table and enjoying the view. Sun was rising up. They made it from the run in time, before sun was up, as everyday.

 _"Swimming?"_

" _Sure_ " Junior just finnished his coffee and walked to back door.

" _Okey.. "_

He put a mug on the table and grabbed his towel when somebody knocked on front door.

 _"I'll wait outside."_ added Junior and walked out.

 _"Yeah..I'm coming.."_ Steve shouted walking to the door and putting shirt on.

When he opened them he froze. What the hell? Right in front of him was standing well built man in Navy uniform holding a picture of Catherine. Something is not right with this man.

" _Good morning, Commander. We need to talk."_ Man just grinned. Steve felt like he already met him. His eyes were starring deeply, but somehow it wasn't good.

 _"Who are you?"_

 _"Can I come in?"_

 _"I asked you something!"_ Steve was not in mood for bad jokes. But than suddenly man moved his hand from behind his back and pointed a gun at Steve, than smiled stupidly.

 _"What about now?"_ He vawed with picture and raised his eybrows.

Steve looked at him, anger was boiling inside every cell of his body. What is going on? He just think he can come to my door with a gun and picture of Cath? He took a step backwards letting that fool inside.

 _"What do you want?"_ He barked at him when shut the doors. Man was still pointing a gun at him. He looked at Cath's pic.

 _"She is very beautiful."_

 _"What_do_you_want?!"_ Steve repeated clearly with tension in his voice.

 _"You don't know who I am? I'm dissapointed McGarrett..."_ His eyes stopped back on Steve's confused face.

 _"You got a good taste... you've always had.."_

Steve was struggling. He should know him but he had no idea who that damn man was. He only starred at him.

 _"Nothing?... oh.. come ooon smooth dog! ...oh.. is that right? No... I think it was hmmm.. help me.. maybe coward? or traitor? huh?"_ He rubbed the photo on his lips acting like he is thinking.

 _"WHO ARE YOU?"_ Steve yelled at him and took a step forward.

" _Ah ah ah... stay right there where you are!"_ He lifted a gun little higher.

 _"Okey, enough.. you're gonna tell me what the hell you want from me and why you have this picture or I'm gonna kick your ass out of my house!"_ Steve lost his calm. Stranger's face turned serious and looked deeply into Steve's eyes.

 _"My name is Jason.."_ His eyes were full of hatred. _"Jason Hart"_ he added.

Steve realized. Eight years from their last meeting. In a moment he felt so many things.. he didn't know what to do to stay still. Man standing in front of him was far stronger than that young boy he met a couple years ago.

 _"You left him there.. He gave his life to save your coward ass.. and you let him.. you left him!"_ Steve realized.

 _"Jason...Yes, he saved my life, he was a hero and not a day goes by I wouldn't think about it.. but trust me if I could done something about it back than, I would."_

 _"You are liar. Now you will pay for what you_ _'ve done. Now things are gonna be my way._ _Listen to me clearly because I'm not gonna repeat it..."_

 _"Jason.."_ Steve wanted to stop him.

 _"Shut up!"_ He shouted. _"Now, you are gonna visit a governor and take a few days off. Than, you are gonna leave your friends a message you will be gone and not to look for you. Understood?"_

 _"What if I say no?"_ His face was deadly serious.

Jason turned the picture to him again.

 _"She has a very nice tattoo on her neck.. star.. right? It would be shame to make a cut trough it..."_ He said with serious face.

 _"You are bluffing.."_ Steve hoped.

Jason nodded and pulled out the phone from his pocket. Than started a call.

 _"Hey Rick... Could you prove to commander that I'm not joking, please?"_

 _"sure JJ"_ voice from the phone was making Steve uncomfortable. In few seconds he heard something.

 _"Steve?_ " It was deffinitelly Catherine's voice.

" _Cath? Are you allright? Where are you?"_

 _"I don't kno...mhmhwhmmw"_ Only silent cry followed and call ended.

 _"What did he?.. I swear to god if you hurt her!"_

 _"It's up to you... sailor"_ Jason laughed and put his phone back to pocket. _" I will be there tomorrow at 6 a.m., do what I want to and nothing will happen to her."_

He leaned to Steve: _"Do anything stupid... she will suffer the worst way... and you will be watching."_

Jason opened the door and walked away leaving Steve alone with this reality.

Steve was there, standing in the door looking to the morning street trough his opened door. He didn't know what to do. His heart was crumbling down. It was too much on him. It was seven years from the worst moment in his life. Day, when he was forced to leave his best friend to die by hand of the worst men on the planet. After all that happend, after his funeral and vendeta he made, he found himself broken. Freddie's brother was blaming him and he was right. He was a traitor. And now because of him Cath is in danger. He can't dissapoint her, not another important and innocent person can be hurt because of him. Enough!

He grabbed his clothes, phone and keys and jumped to the car.

" _Hey! What about our swim, sir?"_ Junior appeared in fron of him.

 _"Sorry... I have to go.."_

 _"Everything allright?"_

 _"Yeah"_

Car disappeared on the road. Junior returned backwards and jumped into water. They got a case...he thought and hoped that one day he will be sitting in that car with McGarrett.

* * *

Few minutes later Steve stopped on the cemetery. Sun already raised up and glanced in the morning dew. Few steps on old and painful so many times walked path.

 _"Hey buddy."_ He kneeled next to Freddie's grave. Under golden SEAL emblem was written his friend's name.

 **FREDDIE HART**

 **US Navy SEAL**

 **1978-2010**

 **Afganistan, North Korea**

 **Silver star, Purple heart**

 **Beloved husband, father, son and brother.**

 ** _Your brave soul will be never forgotten._**

 _"I'm sorry my friend. Today I realized I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I'm not going to make any more, brother. It took me eight years..."_

He closed his eyes. He laid his hand on emblem and whispered:

 _"Never out of the figt.."_ Than he stood up and walked back to his car. Tears wanted to go out. But he didn't let them. There is no room for tears and no room for cowards. Memories were pressuring on him, but they weren't strong enough to take him down, at least not yet. His way led to governor's office.

* * *

 _"Governor."_ He walked calmly inside.

 _"Commander, what brings you here so early?"_ Denning raised his eyes from papers on his table.

 _"Sir, ... I need a few days off.. Can I.."_

 _"Sure.. I absolutely agree, it's been a while since your last vacation."_ He smiled and turned his head back to work.

 _"Thank you sir..."_ he answered sadly. _"But I don't know for how long... "_ he added.

 _"Well.. you proved me your team can take care of things even when you are out so... take it easy... and enjoy it."_

 _"Thank you governor. I appreciate that."_

Denning looked at him again and nodded.

 _"But today you have a case to solve, Commander. It has to wait until tomorrow."_

 _"Sure sir."_

 _"Good luck."_ Denning told to leaving Steve.

* * *

Trees and houses were running by his car. His mind was blurred. What is next? Only God knows. But he knew for sure, he has to be "normal" today. Acting like everything is okey, knowing, that Cath is held somewhere and this is maybe his last day with O'hana or last day at all, whatever had Jason prepared for him.

He parked his silverado next to Danny's cammaro. Took a deep breath and walked up to his office.

" _Mornin"_

 _"Morning boss"_ Jerry answered with smooth voice.

 _"Hey superman"_ Lou smiled and took a sip from his morning coffee.

 _"Where is Danny?"_ Steve wanted to see him, but in the same time he wanted to run away and forget about a whole world.

" _You are late, goofy"_ Echoed from behind. Danny walked to his office.

 _"We got a case. "_ He added closing the door and browsing in files he carried.

 _"Let's do it._ _What do we have here?_ " Steve breathed out and prayed.

 **(few hours later)**

 _"Mario Gonzales, you are under arrest for murder of your wife Natalie Gonzales."_ Steve shouted pointing a gun at man lying on the floor.

 _"Book 'em Danno"_ He smiled sadly and turned to him to see his face.

He was annoyed.

 _"I hate you Steven."_ He added sarcasticaly and put the zipties onto murderer's hands.

"You said you liked it."

"No I didn't!"

"You did."

"Just shut up..."

Steve only smiled, but inside he was screaming. He wanted to hug him, tell him he has to go, tell him that he is sorry. But he just stood there watching Danny dragging a man outside.

 _"Good job guys."_ He told and followed him.

Another successful day. Leaving the place, Steve was quiet. But than he suggested.

 _"Beer?"_

 _"Mmm excelent idea man."_

 _"Come to mine."_

 _"Ok..."_ Danny noticed Steve is tired. More than usually.. His eyes were glazed and stared absently on the road.

 _"You allright babe?"_

 _"yup.., just tired"_

 _"Did you even eat today?"_

 _"Nuthin"_ He said quietly. _"But I got pizza at home..."_

 _"Oh no... pineapple... ."_

Steve smiled.

 _"Nah... not this time buddy.. not on yours.."_

 _"Aww.. thanks.. you are my hero you know that?"_ Danny speeded up.

* * *

 **(That night, when Danny left after talk)**

It was late, few minutes after midnight. Steve couldn't sleep. He was sitting behind his laptop and tried to write his goodbye. He wanted so bad to describe all those feelings stabbing him, burning him alive. But he couldn't. Starring on the screen, empty, lost, alone, guilty.

 _"Hey.. you allright, sir?"_ Junior appeared downstairs.

 _"Yeah... just need to finish some paperwork.."_

 _"okey... good night."_

 _"Good night, Junior."_

Everything was so heavy. He printed the letter and put it gently into envelope. He wrote Danno on it and put it back on the table. For a while he starred on it. He wanted to tear it to million pieces. But he couldn't.

 _"What have you done?"_ Danny's voice echoed from behind. Steve turned to him in shock.

 _"What have you done?"_ Danny was holding Catherine's dead body. He was covered in blood streaming from her chest. His hands were squeezing the wound desperately trying to stop the bleeding. His eyes were starring at him with dissapointment and treason.

Steve froze, he was terrified. Then he saw Catherine open her eyes, she looked at him and whispered:

 _"Why?"_

Steve jerked. He breathed heavily but he felt like suffocating. Sweat drops appeared on his forehead. He realized it was just nightmare, but it could turn to reality very soon. He looked at his watches. 4:28 am. Thanks God. He cleared his table and hide a letter while Junior woke up.

 _"Good morning frogman."_ Young Seal was walking down the stairs putting his shirt on.

" _Ready?_ " Steve continued.

 _"Always sir._ "

" _Let's go than._ " He was ready to enjoy his last running.

It was calming. He loved that smooth tension in his muscles, fresh air filling lungs with every breath and watching first sunrays appearing on the sky. But there was no time for swimming today.

 _"I need to go to work Junior, sorry, you are on your own in swimming again."_

 _"No problem, .. good luck!"_

" _Thanx_ " Said Steve leaving young soldier on the beach. " _I will need it..."_ just whispered for himself.

He took very quick shower, grabbed the letter and hurried to Danny's office.

When he arrived he put the letter on the table.

" _I'm sorry. I hope I see you soon, brother."_ his sad whisper echoed in dark empty room. He had to go... only few minutes left him. 5:42.

When he parked the silverado in front of his house he saw a man standing there.

 _"Jason!"_ He shouted terrified he is late.

He only moved his head.

 _"You are late... "_ he started. _"Everything done?"_

 _"Yes.. now let her go!"_

 _"Great.. come with me."_

 _"Hey! You promised.."_

 _"I did... I need you secured.. then we can talk about this.."_ He barked back. _"MOVE!"_

Steve was quiet. He took a deep breath hoping that he can save her. Everything inside was fighting against every new step. But what choice did he have? Leave her for death like he did seven years ago to his best friend? No.. not anymore.

* * *

 **TBC**

 **MAHALO for your time, pls leave a review and have a great day! I know this was a weak chapter. Hope I'll get better. Next one coming in Thursday or Wednesday! :)**


	4. The clouds above

**_All the Gods,_**

 ** _all the heavens,_**

 ** _all the hells,_**

 ** _are within you._**

 _(Movie quote: 13 hours, secret soldiers from Benghazi)_

* * *

CHAPTER 3.:

 ** _The clouds above..._**

* * *

 _"Follow me!"_ Jason barked. When they turned behind the corner, black suv was parked there. No plates.

" _I wanna talk to Catherine._ "

 _"Get inside!"_

" _I said I wann.."_

 _"You wanna talk to her so get inside!"_ Jason yelled.

Steve's eyes were sharped and full of anger. Jason opened back door. Man with gun was sitting inside.

 _"Do it."_ He said more calmly.

Steve took a breath and sat next to him. Jason shut a door and get behind a wheel. He looked trough mirror on his partner and nodded.

 _"Hands."_ Man said coldly holding handcuffs.

 _"Is that necessary?"_ Steve turned to him. But nobody answered. He gave it up and let him put those on his hands. Than man pulled out a black sack and put it on Steve's head. Everything went dark and quiet. Only sound of engine was there when car moved.

 _You left him... Why?... What have you done? coward.. traitor.._ Voices echoed in his head. All was mixed, but had one exact meaning. He felt so guilty. In a second, silence turned into unbearable havoc. How could he live with himself for all these years? But now, he is gonna pay for it. He was convinced about justice coming to him so he didn't even put up a fight.

* * *

 **(Danny's office, present time, Steve missing for 8 hours)**

Danny was sitting in his chair and starred on letter laying on his table. Without a word, in quiet exruciating solitude. He didn't noticed when somebody appeared in front of him.

 _"Detective? Are you ok?"_ Denning asked.

Danny just raised his head with surprise.

 _"Oh.. um.. governor.. Is everything allright?"_ He answered with shaky voice.

 _"Actually...I was thinking... after your morning visit.. I realized.. maybe it's nothing but.."_

 _"Try me!"_ Danny was fully focused.

 _"Commander came very early... around 5:40 a.m... When you want just trifle like this you can came at any time.. or just call.. "_ He started gently and quietly..

 _"And he was not in his shape.. he was pale and had very shaky voice.. and to close it, he told he doesn't know for how long he will be gone..."_ Denning breathed out with worry." _It has to be serious.. I wasn't thinking about it until you ..."_

 _"... doesn't know for how long.."_ Danny repeated sadly. Denning just nodded.

" _Thank you governor.. but I have nothing.."_

 _"I just tought you should know that... If you will need somethin.. let me know.."_

 _"Thank you sir."_ Danny watched him left.

When governor left, Tani quickly opened a door on Danny's office and with asking eyes starred at Danny.

 _"He was thinking..."_ Danny rubbed his hands in anger. " _He realized Steve was not in his skin.. "_

 _"And?"_

 _"And what?"_

 _"Nothing helpful?"_

 _"No... I'm just worried a little more.."_ Danny felt so vulnerble. He would gave anything to know what the hell is going on.

 _"Let's track his phone.."_ she suggested.

Danny nodded. It was last chance to find something.

* * *

 _"Hey look... it's Steve's car over there." Danny_ noticed and runned to place.

 _"It's opened. Why would he left his car on the street and unlocked when he was leaving?"_

 _"His phone,.. it's there."_ Danny held Steve's mobile.

Then suddenly Danny's phone rang.

 _"Lou? What's up?"_

 _"I ran a videorecording from this morning."_

 _"And?"_

 _"You should take a look, he is acting wierd, I'm sending it to you."_

 _"Thanks man."_

Danny opened a file and his office from this morning appeared on screen. Steve came in, put the letter on his table and starred on it with painful face. Then he whispered something, but there was no sound. When he looked on his watches, he looked scared, ran away from office and disappeared.

" _It looks he was in hurry."_

Danny realized it's maybe last time he saw him. Feelings were filling him to the very top and even overflowing making a river. He felt like he is gonna fall down in a second. And he would, if his misery woudln't be interrupted by calling from other side of the street.

 _"Detective Williams?"_ Danny turned and saw Steve's neighbor.

" _Mrs Haluka."_

 _"Are you looking for Steve?"_ She asked shyly.

" _Yes, have you seen him this morning?"_

She looked on the road, then crossed and stopped in front of them.

" _I did. He left with one gentleman and haven't came back yet... is he ok?"_

 _"Did you recognized that man?"_ Danny was curious, holding above his pain.

 _"No, I think his name was .. um... something on J... I'm sorry.."_ she was upset about forgetting.

 _"It's ok miss... what else can you tell us?"_

 _"He was there a day before... in uniform.. Steve looked strange.. Than he came back today.. but Steve wasn't home.. he arrived few seconds later, jumped out of the car and yelled his name... and than they left.."_

 _"Thank you miss Haluka.. if you remmebered something else, please call me.."_

 _"Is he in trouble?"_

 _"We don't know.. but we will find out.. I promise."_ Following silence filled only quiet steps of old lady walking back home.

 _"I'll get the car to garage.."_ Junior looked sad, disappointed, afraid. Man he is living with is missing and he didn't even noticed.

 _"Navy uniform... I don't like this.. I don't..."_ Dany was mad and scared. His partner could be somewhere out there in a war and he could do nothing about it.

 _"Steve where the hell are you?!_ " This was a question which everybody wants to answer.

* * *

Darkness. Silence. Leaving everything behind. His life changed a lot in past eight years. When he came back home and met Danny and everybody... They humanized him. For such a long time he was in black hole of fight. Fight for strenght, for his family, for home, for country, for his own life, for surviving. And he survived. But for what price? He lost everything. Mother, sister, father, Freddie... Now he found a new family. But he caused them so much pain and fear... Their lifes would be better without knowing him. He is leaving them now and it was right. His destiny is not to be happy. He can't be happy. He doesn't deserve it after all that happened.

Seconds? Or hours? It doesn't metter. Engine became quiet and hands were dragging him out. Steps to nowhere were driving him crazy. Cold air touched his skin when they entered. Corridor seemed neverending and with each step was air getting colder. Than they stopped. Chair, heavy leather restrains enclosed his wrists and ankles. He jerked, when that day when WoFat took him, flashed in his mind.

Steps were all around him, only sound he could hear. Than, in a second, the darkness disappeared. He found himself in cold wet room. Same chair as he was sitting in, was right in front of him, with same restrains and same worn out lacquer. Empty. Jason sat in it, leaned to his knees, crossed his fingers and finnaly looked at Steve with empty and serious face.

 _"To hold my word.. you wanted to see your girl.."_ Jason nodded to one of men standing behind.

Door opened and guard walked inside with Catherine. Her face was sad, pale and worried. Her eyes stucked on Steve's.

 _"Cath... are you okey?"_ he said with more broken voice than he meant to.

 _"Yes"_ she smiled sadly _"You?"_

 _"I'm good."_ Steve's eyes were swimming in hers too.

 _"You shouln't come here Steve..."_ Jason nodded again and she disappeared as quickly as she turned out.

 _"Hey! Wait!"_ Steve found himself shouting and fighting with restrains.

Jason stood up and leaned closer to his prisoner.

 _"Calm down Steven. She will be okey as long as you cooperate...so don't make me do things both of us could regret.."_

Steve breathed deeply.

 _"So what's next?"_ He gasped.

Hard punch landed on his face and rill of blood runned from his mouth.

" _Do you think,... that you can get trough this quickly?... forgetting it as soon as you walk trough that door?... Acting like a hero in front of your girl?.. Do you think that people will read in newspaper about your bravery?"_ Fire was burning inside him. _"You will suffer right in front of her until you feel the complete despair as that little girl is feeling everyday without her father... as Kelly fights with, everyday waking up in an empty bed... and you will..._ " He stabbed him with cold eyes. " _I promise."_

* * *

 **(missing for 11 hours)**

Danny felt so empty. There was nothing.. only that black deep hole what left behind. ... noting changed. Only much more anger and fear was above him with every passing minute. He was reading letter Steve left him again and again. Thousands times. But he couldn't find anything, only sadness in it.

Lou enterd his office with fresh coffee.

 _"Thanx..."_ Danny grabbed a cup. _"... we should put a tracking in his damn neck when he comes back._." continued with quiet voice.

 _"Yes.. I absolutely agree man.."_ Lou took a small sip.

 _"What have I ever done that I must live this nightmare over again?"_ He starred to nowhere.

 _"Hey... he always came back... don't forget about it.."_

Danny didn't answer.

" _We should call Mary.."_ He finnaly broke the silence.

 _"I don't know if it's good idea... Telling her that Steve disappeared no one knows where, left only that damn letter and we have nothing to figure out what the hell is going on... man.. give him his time.."_

".. _maybe you are right..."_ Danny took a sip. _"But this out of knowing stuff is driving me crazy... "_ His eyes started glowing with madness.

They saw somebody enter the office. It was Grace with Will.

 _"Hey Danno"_

 _"Hay dad "_

 _"What are you two doing here?"_

 _"You weren't pickng up... I wanted to ask you if we could go to movies tonight?"_

Danny just starred at them.

 _"You allright Danno?"_

 _"Who let you in?"_ Lou observed his son with asking face.

 _"Sergeant Lukela... What is going on?"_ Will noticed their sadness too.

" _Danno? ..."_ Grace had scared face, she somehow understood... _"... where is uncle Steve?"_

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Thank you for your time! Have a nice day and if you want, please let me know what you think bout story so far! Next chapter coming in the end of the week.**

* * *

 _Thank you all for your wonderfull reviews! I love you so much. To answer your questions: no, I'm not gonna continue the old story (Crossroads). This is the story... just little upgraded. :) Stay tuned, see ya in next chapter! :*_


	5. Promises keepers

_**I watch the city burn.**_  
 _ **These passions slowly smoldering.**_  
 _ **A lesson never learned,**_  
 _ **only violence.**_  
 _ **Is your world just a broken promise?**_  
 _ **Is your love just a drop of rain?**_  
 _ **Will we all just burn our fire?**_  
 _ **Are you still there?**_

 _ **Will you wait until it all burns down?**_  
 _ **Will you hide until it all burns down?**_  
 _ **Will it hurt when it all burns down?**_  
 _ **Will you fight when it all burns down?**_

 _ **Will you stand when it all burns down?**_  
 _ **Will you love when it all burns down?**_  
 _ **Will it end when it all burns down?**_  
 _ **Will you just let it all burns down?**_

 _(Red - Let It Burn)_

* * *

CHAPTER 4.:

 ** _Promises keepers..._**

* * *

 **(missing for 20 hours)**

Old chair in front of him replaced a dark metal table. Sharp legs digged into dirt underneath. But it wasn't what scared him. After long dark solitude was everything in slow motion... each his breath ended in a warm haze and then slowly dissolved in the air. Cold... it was so cold... His muscles were shivering, but not finding a needed warmth. He weakly opened his heavy eyelids when he heard a footsteps...a man that hated him so much, stood behind that table and started laying down many pictures. Steve starred at them with horror. Familiar face on each one of them... his breath fastened. As picture touched the table, name sounded in the room from his captor's mouth and brought new freezing wave of fear.

" _Daniel Williams_

 _Lou Grover_

 _Jerry Ortega_

 _Tani Rey_

 _Junior Reigns_

 _Joe White_

 _Nahele Huikala_

 _Catherine Rollins_

 _Marry McGarrett_

 _Kono Kalakaua_

 _Adam Noshimuri_

 _Chin Ho Kelly_

 _Grace Williams_

 _Charlie Williams"_

Jason stopped, looking deeply on Steves confused face. Dimmed light made a huge blurred shadow on the wall behind him.

 _"You are threating the kids? Really Jason?_ " His voice was weak... weaker than he thought it would be ...

" _Choose... or I'm gonna make them suffer one by one"_

 _"And than what? What you're gonna do when I choose?"_ Steve asked not sure what is Jason planning. His voice was weak and silent.

" _Choose_!" He repeated without caring.

 _"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?!"_ Steve was getting mad. He shouted, pulled on those restrains again, desperately trying to get the answers. Coldness replaced firing anger.

 _"Choose who will suffer._ " Jason repeated again with cold face.

 _"No"_ Eyes wide open, muscles tightened, whole body focused.

Hard punch to his abdomen made him groan. Jason whispered, leaning to his ear:

 _"Choose or they all suffer... I'm not gonna give you the next chance"_ Jason straightened up.

 _"You promised you won't hurt Catherine until I cooperate"_

 _"Right now you aren't very cooperative.."_

 _"THIS IS ONLY BETWEEN US!"_

Heavy silence landed between them. Only water dropping from the ceiling now sounded so loud. Their breaths mixed, rising up to coldness. Steve could feel the heat of Jason's body, the heat of his anger and hurting soul.

 _"You are very wrong... this is between my family and that yours.."_

 _"They are innocent!"_ something was breaking words in his throat.

 _"Freddies daughter was innocent, his wife was INNOCENT... OUR MOTHER WAS INNOCENT!"_ Jason's strong voice filled the room. Anger was escaping his broken soul, but never left it completely clear. One goal. To avenge death of his brother and suffering of his family.

 _"CHOOSE!"_

No training can prepare you for this. No strenght can defend you, no courage can shelter you. People that mean everything.. their lifes are in your hands... you have to choose one, to save others... What you gonna do? Will you cry? Will you scream? Will you give up?... No.. you can't give up... one ..or all.. there is only one way out..

 _"Kill me..."_

 _" Only person who deserves it.. is me.._ " Steve said quietly but clearly.

" _Who said I'm gonna kill somebody?... Not today Steven..."_

 _"just... choose me!"_

 _"There is not such an option"_

 _"Jason... Please.."_ Every cell of his body was burning. No one will suffer ever again because of him.

 _"Bad answer Commander.."_ Jason nodded on his men and they walked away.

 _"NO!.. COME BACK! JASON! HEY! DON'T DO THIS!... JASON!"_ But his captor didn't even looked at him. Jason left him drowning in a despair.

Solitude, fear, vulnerability, pain and those pictures starring at his face... He was alone again... alone with those faces..

His mind was wildly running around all memories. He felt guilty. But not only for Freddie's death, but for things what was Jason able and prepared to do, to make him suffer. Worst pain that exists. It's not visible, no bleeding, no scars, but it will leave your soul ripped in pieces.

It were longest and darkest hours in his life. It is true. It's not physical pain that breaks you. It's the fear of that pain. That burning darkness that is slowly consuming your mind. Flames are eating everything piece by piece. And in the end, there is nothing. Only ashes, dust and ruins. Now he is here, captured, trapped and afraid. All these years were for nothing? Why he is letting that fire burn him.. why now? Everything is slow and blurred. His hands are secured. He is watching them clench into fists trying to break free. Mellow and warm breaths are leaving his lungs. Breath in. Breath out. Sound of his breathing is mixing with dropping water and painful howling of his chains, making unbearable symphony of despair. But he couldn't stop. What if the bullet is tearing trough flesh of his loved one? What if innocent heart is dragged away just to be hurt? What if he is the reason of someone's tears? Why he can't stop what is happening right now? Why?

After ages, Jason finnaly came back. When he saw Steve's pale depressed face he creased his eyebrows in compassion. He expected to be satisfied when that coward, who left his brother to die, will be in pain, but it's not what he felt. 2 years older, best friend of his brother... But he always treated him like his buddy. They spent a childhood together. Brothers. Because Steve was like his second older brother... once..  
But than... that day came.. when everything went wrong... for 8 years he was searching for courage to make a revenge. McGarrett destroyed it, broke it, everything crashed down cos of him. Now, Steve was sitting restrained and beaten right here. Jason's demons were screaming. It's the way it has to be! Because he is the reason why Freddie is dead. Anger boiled inside him again, no compassion left. It has to escape! It has to go out! Now!

 _"Arghh .."_ Steve groaned when Jason's fist landed on his abdomen once again without a word.

 _"I trusted you... He trusted you... so many memories... good times... it was for nothing... you didn't even recognized me at your doorway..."_ Jason said with glazed eyes.

" _Jason..."_ Steve took another painful breath _"if there is something what would ease your pain... do it... but in the end .. you will find out... there is not such a thing..._ " Steve coughed in pain burning his chest.. _"trust me... I tried."_

Jason was standing still, he looked like he doesn't understand what Steve is saying.

" _Ricky!_ " he yelled and turned his head to doors.

" _Boss?_ " Sharp ray of light blinded Steve's eyes as he opened the door.

Jason waved with hand.

" _I don't think that you've tried everything..."_ than he said..

Catherine was once again in front of him.

 _"Prepare it!"_

 _"Yeah.. sure."_ Jason smirked while Ricky secured pale Cath's wrists and ankles to other chair and than pearced the top of that bottle with syringe and filled it with fluid.  
 _"Cath... did he hurt you? Are you allright?_ " he whispered, but recieved back only silent nod.

Than Jason walked to her and put her hair on the side. Syringe touched her skin.

 _"NO.. No no no no!"_ Steve jerked so hardly chair almost fell. _"Don_ _'t do this... no!... " Cath_ 's breathing slowed.

" _Cath look at me..Cath!"_ She squeezed a chair armrests. Her opened mouth were desperatly trying catch some air and deliver an oxygen to her burning lungs.

" _CATH!... calm down and breath.. look at me Catherine.._ " Her terrified eyes looked at him. " _Breath in... breath out_ " she was trying so bad to stay calm and focus to Steve but it wasn't working. No air was entering her chest. She digged her nails into wood dealing with pain. She felt like her lungs burned and only her wildly beating heart left in empty chest. When reality lost meaning she only starred at Steve, seeing him insanely screaming, but she couldn't hear anything. Only her own heartbeats and wheezing.

" _DO SOMETHING! SHE IS DYING!"_ Steve yelled.

 _"YOU SON OF THE BITCH DO SOMETHING!"_ This pain was much worse than previous.

Steve seen her slowly fading. Darkness in front of her eyes, emptyness in her soul. Fluid almost done it's work, when another syringe touched her pale neck.

 _"Cath..."_ he only whispered.. _"Don't give up please.. stay with me.."_

She coughed loudly when air filled her lungs again. Blue lips slowly became pink. She was shaking and trying to tranquilize her body.

 _"You are good.. you are good...easy."_ Steve was repeating to help her calm down.

Jason stood in the center of all of that suferring, satisfied. He was smiling stupidly and waved at the guards. Catherine disappeared in their grip again, Steve was shaking, burning those restrains with eyes, not working... he tried, but achieving nothing but another hit. When men came back, Steve was weak. He didn't know what to do. He almost lost her...

 _"It's only beginning..."_ Jason leaned to him, this time with serious face.  
 _"You promised..."_ only weak whisper left his throat.  
 _"You promised once too.."_

 _..._

 _"Your file is such an interesting reading Steve. Especially, I was really into that part with Wo Fat... your last meeting .. it had to be ...quiet unpleasant.. "_ he shook his head. _"hm?"_ leaned to him more...face to face _"am I right?"_ He straightened up, watching Steve dealing with information, that he had seen his file. _"take care of him."_ and he took a step backwards. _"I got a lil surprise for ya.."_

Sharp pain in Steve's neck, everything became blurred. Last thing he saw was Jason's satisfied face. Than only darkness left there.

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Thank you for your time! Stay tuned for next chapter! Coming this week! :)**


	6. Under fire

**I cannot stop this sickness taking over**  
 **It takes control and drags me into nowhere**  
 **I need your help, I can't fight this forever**  
 **I know you're watching,**  
 **I can feel you out there.**

 **Take me over the walls below**  
 **Fly forever**  
 **Don't let me go**  
 **I need a savior to heal my pain**  
 **When I become my worst enemy**  
 **The enemy**

 **Take me high and I'll sing**  
 **Oh you make everything okay**  
 **We are one in the same**  
 **Oh you take all of the pain away**  
 **Save me if I become**  
 **My demons.**

 _(Starset - My Demons)_

* * *

CHAPTER 5.

 ** _Under fire..._**

* * *

 **(missing for 28 hours)**

Danny couldn't sleep. He had Grace's face in front of his eyes all the time. That face when she realized something is wrong. She always had that gift, knowing the truth. How? He didn't know.. but she was always right. His sweet angel. Wasn't she trough enough fear and pain? Is she ever gonna find the peace? It's not fair... Not only Grace and not only Steve, but everybody deserves their peace. He is not able to hide the truth from her anymore. She is grown young lady, she understand, she knows and her heart is bleeding too. They think it's big misunderstanding, but Grace, she knew... she felt it.. But what is he going to tell Charlie? Boy won't understand that his uncle is not going to play baseball with him tommorow because he disappeared. Boy won't understand that he is in danger... he is maybe not coming back..

 _"Danno?"_ Grace interrupted his toughts.

 _"Monkey ... you can't sleep?"_

" _Same as you..."_ She sighed quietly _"Danno..you will find him, right? He will be back with us, won't he?"_

 _"Come here..."_ He layed his hand on hers _"I will do everything I can and even more to do so... Steve is a tough guy.. wherever he is right now, he is doing his best... and we, sweetheart, we will do our best to find out what is going on, okey?"_ she nodded silently.

 _"Okey"._.. " _I know you will, I love you dad, good night._ " she kissed his cheek and dissapeared in corridor.

 _"Grace?_ " He asked her.

 _"Yes?_ " her head shoved in door again.

 _"I'll go to palace, here I'm wasting time.. can you look after your brother till I come back?"_

She smiled. _"Sure Danno, good luck"_ and dissapeared again.

Danny grabbed his clothes and hurried to work. There is lot to be done.

* * *

 **(Steve missing for 38 hours)**

" _How are you doin' Commander?... What do you feel?"_ Steve raised his head, trying to sharpen his blurred vision and breathed deeply to ease stabbing in his torso. His muscles were tightened. His body was weakly shaking from cold. Steve was staring at stranger... weak, vulnerable, guilty, hurt and pissed... Cold, almost frozen skin, but burning inside. But he didn't say a word. His look was telling enough about how he felt. Steve was preparing himself to take another hit. Still in that chair, still in that coldness.

" _Time to wake up..."_ It's not possible to focus. His head is mess. Whatever they gave him, it was making him extremly nauseous.

 _"C'mon Seal! You are trained to endure much more pain... what happened with you?"_ It wasn't Jason this time. Ricky was facing him instead.

Steve coughed. Somehow it was hard not only to focus and breath, but to even exist.

 _"What did you do to her?_ " it was weak.. very weak... not good sign.

 _"I got something for you... better pay attention.."_

Steve didn't realize he was in completely white room. Maybe that sharpness of light made focusing impossible. It was perfectly clear, only his body covered in blood and sweat was invading it. Ricky left the room. He was alone again. But than sharp lights shut down and he realized that wall in front of him is actually a big screen.

It was same... perfectly same as that white room he was held in by WoFat years ago... suddenly projector came out and on the wall appeared a picture.

It was taken from a distance. Cemetery, people in black, in Navy uniforms.. Freddie's funeral. Than another. Steve recognized himself... and Kelly and that little girl, Freddie's parents, but Jason wasn't there that day. Another picture. He saw them... Danny, Chin and Kono. They were here standing by his side in hardest time. Than pictures replaced recording. But it wasn't funeral. On the wall appeared doors to their office. View was shaky...It looked like somone was carring the camera.

 _"Where can I find Detective Williams?"_ Echoed in the room.

Tani, Junior and Lou appeared on the wall. Lou waved with hand pointing at Danny's office, but not noticing the cam. Man carring it, entered Danny's office.

 _"Detective Williams?_ "

 _"Yes"_ view turned to Danny.

 _"I'm Lieutenant Jason Hart. I'm here to deliver you sad news."_

 _"Where is McGarret?"_ Steve saw horror in Danny's eyes.

* * *

 **(same time, Danny's POV)**

 _"Where is McGarret?"_ Danny felt new wave of fear over him. Officer just breathed out and sent broken look to Danny...

 _"I'm sorry detective, Lt. Commander Steven McGarrett was killed in action."_ Man in uniform said.

 _"Commander was recalled to active duty in february 16th. I can't tell you details, but his mission was to captive a very important target near borders in North Korea. His team was attacked by enemy insurgents. 8 hours later, we recieved his last report. They were under heavy fire. I'm sorry... please accept my sincere condolences."_

Jason was standing in front of Danny, satisfied. Danny's face was shocked, eyes looking deeply right into Jason's, asking for something else. He was breathing deeply and sweat drops appeared on his forehead. After moment that lasted almost eternity, he finnaly moved his lips to release words, but it took another while to do so.

 _"Please tell me you are joking.."_

 _"I'm sorry detective.. there are no jokes in our work.."_

 _"That's all? He was KIA? What the hell do you think? He disappeared from day to day and after that, without any, I repeat ANY message about him you just walk into my office with that bullshit? Are you serious?"_

 _"I'm sorry, I can't tell you more... his operation is classified."_

 _"I don't give a fuck if it's classified or not! You have any idea what you are telling me? He was in reserves! So why?!... Jesus!..."_

Danny became crazy. He was angry... mad... insanely freaked out. All the emotions were boiling inside. He couldn't hold it anymore... Moment of absence and he found the situation even worse. Everything from his table was lying around, papers were slowly landing on the top of broken glass and all that mess. Officer was standing there watching. He looked surprised but fake compassion flashed in his face.

" _Get out.."_ Danny whispered starring on his surroundings.

 _"GET OUT!"_ He yelled loudly.

Navy officer didn't say a word. Jason left almost with a smile on his face. Things were going much better than he expected. He walked around terrified trio in hall and dissapeared on the stairway.

Tani, Junior and Lou runned to Danny's office after his loud shout.

* * *

 **(Steve's POV)**

 _"I'm sorry detective, Lt. Commander Steven McGarrett was killed in action yesterday."_

Danny was standing, but Steve have seen that inside him is everything crumbling down. His eyes were running around, breathing deaply, absorbing that reality.

What change can make a one sentence? One word? Can a just one second destroy everything? Broke it? Burn it? Can be everything taken from you in just one tiny moment? All those prayers were for nothing?

Danny leaned to table. He couldn't hold his weight anymore. He looked bad even before. Dark circles under his eyes, exhausted body. But now, when the news came... it was near the edge.

 _"...They were under heavy fire. I'm sorry... please accept my sincere condolences."_

Jason voice was absolutely calm as he spoke about death of man, that was actually still half alive. But Danny didn't know that. Madness all around him.

 _"GET OUT!"_

He only knew that Steve disappeared and now... now he is gone forever.. but Steve was there watching his best friend's misury, shocked about what he just heard. He saw his face... he wanted to shout.. to scream that he is here, alive... but Danno...he couldn't hear him...

When he saw Jason leaving the office, he saw faces of his teammates... he was shook. Screen turned white. He just starred at the empty white wall and tryed to absorb what is happening, not knowing what happened next. He was alone in that room again surrounded by emptyness... nobody was there... People think he is dead...is there even a way out of this? no... it seems like everything is lost... he sat there restrained, betrayed, hurt, ... dead... he felt so vulnerable again... this solitude and silence were driving him crazy... what is next? He is not dead, so why he feels alike?

* * *

 **(Danny's POV)**

Lou opened the door in hurry. _"Danny?"_

Their faces focused on mess on the floor. Danny's shaking body landed in chair, facing them in disbelief.

 _"He is dead..."_ sad whisper stabbed them. Tani leaned down and picked a paper from the floor. She readed the weak description of Steve's death from document that Jason left on Danny's table with tears in her eyes. They were standing there without a word starring at each others broken forms. Hours of desperate waiting for some news, some good news, were holding them up, but this kind of news nobody expected, nobody wanted to hear. Steve is superseal.. a hero, he is from Navy, from best trained special force on planet Earth...indestructible.. he always found a way home... he always returned... always ...but not this time. How is that possible? Why is this happening? Danny stood up and walked around them without a sound and enterd Steve's office. Everything was screaming on him... ' _why you didn't stop him?! It's all your fault! Now he is dead! Never coming back! He is dead!'_

Danny's palm covered his mouth. Screaming, terrible pain and sadness wanted to escape. He cried. For second time in his life he cried in pain. First time, when he had to tell his daughter that her parents are divorcing ... and now.. now when he lost his brother. Steve wasn't just a collegue or a friend. He was real brother. Always here prepared to do whatever, to make things all right, make you happy, keep you safe... always... but not anymore...Danny was shattered,... here, in the middle of Steve's kingdom ... watching everything reminding him... seeing him standing there tall, brave, seeing him both - smiling and with serious face. Seeing him standing there next to him, ...prepared to fight to death to save people he loved and cared about. Seeing him as he always was. But when he lifted his hand to reach him, Steve dissapeared again. Only sad rays of afternoon sun were tearing the air and landing on his chair, that was now so empty.

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Thank you for your wonderful support! :) It means a lot to me! Thanks for your time, next chap coming soon! 3**


	7. Golden eagles, black days

_**Til the darkness has a dominion,**_

 _ **I will stand by you.**_

 _ **And even when sun will rise from beyond the hills,**_

 _ **our shadows will be side by side.**_

* * *

CHAPTER 6.: **  
**

 _ **Golden eagles, black days...**_ **  
**

* * *

Recording ended. Room was quiet and his soul was empty... Than he realized his captor is standing in front of him.

 _"I want you to know.. to feel, that everything there outside, just ended for you. Your last and only reality is right here. Nobody will look for you, nobody will know that you were here. You will never see their faces again and they are never gonna see yours. Only thing that will left after you on this world, will be your burned ashes, as proof that you are dead."_ He had look full of hatred.  
" _And if you think she will be there..."_ Jason leaned to him.. eye to eye.. _"She won't remmeber her own name.. not to remmember you.. I will personally take care of that."_

Steve lost control of his temper. It was streaming out of him from every pore on his skin.  
 _"I'm gonna kill you..."_ Jason saw fire in his eyes. .. _"my face will be the last thing you will see.. Freddie would be ashamed of you!"  
_ Jason grabbed his jaw, he was so close.. they were breathing the same air..  
 _"You know nothing... you'll wish you wouldn't say that.."_

* * *

 ** _(missing for 56 hours, National Memorial Cemetery, Honolulu)_**

Empty coffin in the middle of a sunny day, surrounded by people who came to honor a big man, warrior, protector.. a hero. His teammates, brothers from war, devastated by death of one of their owns, were pounding their golden SEAL tridents to Steve's coffin. Danny was watching them glistening in afternoon sunrays. Almost whole top was covered. Ceremony was about to start when governor tapped his shoulder and disturbed him from his silence.

 _"Detective..._ " Danny raised his head to familiar voice.  
" _I have to apologize..."_ Denning sounded broken. _"Commander was a great man and a good friend... I'm very sorry for your loss Detective..."_ He blamed himself for not paying attention to whole situation. Danny saw it in his eyes.

 _"You couldn't do anything sir... none of you.."_ Danny turned his look back to tridents. Their smooth shining was calming him. Denning stepped to others standing beside. They still couldn't believe what's happening is reality.

 _"Danno?"_ Grace was there too. She held Danny's hand. He just looked at her.  
 _"Is really uncle Steve never coming back to us?"_ Her eyes were filled with tears. She was very sad for Danny.. for Steve  
 _"Monkey.."_ Danny kneeled in front of her and wiped the tears from her cheeks.  
 _"Maybe we won't see him,... but he will always be there.."_ Danny touched her heart.. _"uncle Steve will be always with us.."_ And than sadly smiled and kissed her forehead. She closed her sad eyes and tightly hugged him.

They listened Steve's teammates talking about their years in active duty, about their time together on battlefield. They talked about his bravery, friendship ...about his soul. Than Danny stood in front of the crowd. He felt nothing, but pressure... Looking around, but not seeing that only person he was looking for. He was not there. Of course Steve wasn't at his own funeral... not even in the coffin... but Danny hoped he would see him.

Instead he saw desperation, sadness, emotional havoc. He looked at Chin. No, he wasn't there either. His mind was running around and trying to figure this all out, find a way, find something to hold on. Kono. She was devastated. Blaming herself she wasn't there, not for him, nor for team. Her heart dropped to the very bottom and she couldn't pick it up again. Lou. Who would tell he will be standing here and crying? He was sad and he was mad. Talked to no one, fighting this misery on his own. Danny knew it's destroing him, but there was no help. Tani. Junior. It was special how big influence Steve had on them. And now, they are broken, sincerely and deeply as everyone else.

Danny cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

 _"Erhm.._  
 _..._

 _I wish I could tell you everything about Commander Steve McGarrett...but if I really could... you wouldn't believe me..._

 _I spent every day in past eight years with that man..._  
 _When Steve returned back to Hawaii couple of years ago, we met in his house... It was one of the hardest parts of his life. With time passed by, now I realize how much he was hurting, but he never showed...That day was such a catastrophe_ , _at the beginning we were pointing guns at each other.._. _... and later.. for like 3 hours working with him, I ended with a bullet in my arm.. than, about the end of that day, I punched him right into face and told him "I hate you so much!"... and I meant it... he made definitely not a dreamed first impression, you know.._

 _Every single day I was more convinced that that guy is not gonna hasitate to risk both of our lifes... but at the same time I felt I actually can trust him... I knew... he is the man you wished to have your back in that moment ... the man you need by your side... every day..so we stuck together..._  
 _Later I found out Steve is not just fearless superhuman jumping into every danger situation around, just to have fun. Under all his strenght, skills and courage he is soft sentient human and can be hurt, can be in need, can be afraid and... and can understand. I realized, he was the man.. the friend I needed in my life._

 _We were not just a friends...We became an O'hana...it was most important thing in his life.. keep people he loved safe.. His team... and... and many others..._  
 _He wished us to stay together whatever happens... we will.._  
 _Steve was fighting to death to keep people from this island away from fear and pain. He hated the injustice. He never quited until he reached the end... he never gave up .. no metter how bad day he had.. how desperate situation was, no metter if he was in pain or injured...for example, he jumped out of the roof chasin' a bad guy, like two weeks after liver transplatation, in case you are wondering what I'm talking about...nevermind.. What I want to say, is that he was always there for you...There was no case he wouldn't take, no victim he would let down. He had a soul of fighter... in every meaning of that word.. trust me..._

 _Night before he left... we had a talk... It was eight years that day since Freddie Hart was killed... that day he never forgot and that day started pressuring his soul forever.. he lost his best friend... and he felt guilty for his death... he wanted so bad to repair his soul...to stop the pain... to forgive himself... but you can't forget things like that...ever._

 _So he made a promise. To this island and it's people. To his home. Every morning, every single day since that moment, he was waking up determined...to be a better person than yesterday...and he was doing it in the most generous way..._ _for one life he couldn't save, he saved thousands... including mine... He had been trough so much pain, but he always stood tall and strong, he faced it with admirable courage and thanks to that, he always won._

 _His father would be so proud of him,... and this would be the higher valuation for Steve.  
_

 _I won't miss just his terrible driving skills and crazy ideas... I will miss my friend._

 _And Steve wasn't just my friend..._

 _he was my brother..._

 _he still is ..._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _no metter how far are you, buddy... you will always be with us..._

 _We love you... God bless your soul..."_

Danny wasn't able to continue. He was so weak and broken. Every single day in his life since he met Steve, he prayed that this moment will never come. That he won't have to have this speech at Steve's funeral. He believed, deep inside, under all his fears, that Steve is not gonna let things go so far to make it happen.  
His weak steps back to Grace lasted eternity. He needed to sit down. Grace was sitting next to him. Danny was grateful for her being there. He hugged her tightly praying for some miracle. He didn't even care about anything...until gunshots from riffles made him uncomfortable. How are bullets, that actually killed him supposed to honor him now? _They were under heavy fire... I'm sorry detective._. echoed in his head.

Danny was standing above Steve's tombstone. It was next to Freddie's. Friends together and forever. But when he saw letters on it, the old known worst feeling consumed him again.

 **STEVEN J. McGARRETT**

 **US Navy SEAL**

 **Five-0 Task Force**

 **1977-2018**

 **Afghanistan, Iraq, North Korea**

 **Purple heart, Silver star, Bronze star**

 _ **You will be always in our hearts, brother...**_

Danny just wanted to be alone. He didn't know what to do, how to live, how to start again, how to wake up in the morning, how to look into other eyes, how to even breath... His eyes were stucked on Steve's name and had no strenght to release another tear. He was so tired. His body was screaming to lie down and find some rest and peace.  
 _"Excuse me.. you must be Detective Danny Williams."_ His toughts were disturbed by unknown voice. When Danny turned to him, he saw a man in Navy uniform, also with Seal trident on it.  
" _Yeah... that's me.."_ he found a piece of srenght to answer.  
 _"Pardon me for interrupting in that hartbreaking moment, but I need to talk to you, now. I'm Chief Thomas Rowan. I've served with Steve. I know you two been very close, so I hope I can trust you... I think that this whole thing is just wierd if you understand me... I don't know what they told you detective, but I believe it's far from truth."_  
 _"I know it is... but what can I do? .. they covered it .. no chance.."_  
 _"It's not covered... it's made up actually. "_  
 _"What?"_  
 _"I've been looking for everything conected to this case, I found only few files but what is wierd, they are not classified and contained only few information, very poor description of that op. I looked deeply but... nothing... "_  
 _"Well... that's not surprising... but who do you think is responsible for this? I don't think that his superiors faked his death."_  
 _"I have no idea.."_  
 _"You have no idea?... "_  
 _"Look, I know I don't have anything,.. and that's it! I need to figure out what really happened... I owe this to him... this is not just a game... he was presumed dead, detective... I know you can help me... so please don't throw away Commander's life."_  
 _"Maybe I'm just scared of the truth..."_  
 _"Don't forget about the empty coffin... There is always a hope... and we both know him...so please, don't quit..."  
_ Danny realized that for last 18 hours he wasn't even alive...And this is what he needed.. a new hope... somebody who is not giving up. But how could he gave up? Let it be? How he could believe that it's over.. that that empty coffin is last thing connected with Steve? How he could gave up on his brother?

* * *

 _"You know nothing... you will wish you wouldn't say that.."  
_ But there was still burning anger inside Steve when hands of Jason's guards were untying him. When his hands were free, he couldn't just let that chance disappear. Every remaining source of strenght and his temper runned trough his body and ended as an unbearable punch to one of men's faces. Blood sprayed from his mouth. Than another and another. He was lying there in his own blood. But when two men tried to stop Steve, he focused on surviving and kicked one of them to side and other took it to the face with Steve's elbow. Their recovery was quicker then he wished to. His knees gave up on him after hard kick. Strong arm anclosed his throat. He kicked that monster standing behind him but his breathing disappeared when other man punched him to ribs. There was not enough strenght for him to move. It didn't even helped him that he saw that next kick coming. Everything around turned gray for a while. Than third kick was too much for him and he welcomed the darkness.

 _"Jesus Christ, Ricky! Billy what's wrong with you? I told you to keep him restrained all the time! He is unpredictable and dangerous... if he will do this again, you're gonna pay for it with him! Don't disappoint me.."_ Than Jason turned sight from his man to uncosciouss Steve, hanging in guard's arms. He lifted his head with grip of his gun.  
 _"...and you...you are making it hard for yourself.. not me.."_ Steve's head fell down, but not for long. Grip hitted him hardly and made bad bleeding wound on his forehead. Jason wanted him to feel all kinds of pain, and he didn't care that his victim was already unconsciouss.  
 _"Hang him up and give him double dose... and stay here.. I want to know when he wakes up!"  
"But it could kill him, boss... in that condition.."  
"Do you underestimate my decisios? He just beated your ass up, Bill... let him suffer for that.."  
"On it." Two men with their victim just watched him as he stepped out and closed the door behind him._

 _"Put those chains down, I'll hold him."  
"Do you think it's really good idea to give him a double?"  
"No... If he wants him alive... but it's his choice, Bill."  
"Look at him... how he actually killed that man that he deserves this?"  
"It's none of our business... I really don't care as long as he pays, okey?! And you shouldn't neither... c'mon.. let's get him up!"_

* * *

 **TBC**

 **Thank you for your time! I hope you are enjoing the story so far. Please, let me know in comments. I would love to know! Have a great day and stay tuned for next chapter. (Coming in a week :) )  
Reminder: If you missed some scenes, lemme know, I'll add them in sequels! :* **


	8. Until we meet again

**Even though I walk**  
 **through the darkest valley,**  
 **I will fear no evil,**  
 **for you are with me;**  
 **your rod and your staff,**  
 **they comfort me.**

 _(Psalm 23;4)_

* * *

CHAPTER 7.:

 ** _Until we meet again..._**

* * *

 **(missing for 92 hours)**

'Blurred surroundings, sharp light, vision out of focus. Pain. Face, feets, ribs, chest, arms, wrists... WRISTS...Can't feel my fingers. Veins burning, not enough fresh blood flowing trough. Bad, that's bad. What the happened? Why I can't move?'

 _"Wake him up!"_

'Deep stab in my head, ringing in my ears... I feel warm liquid on my face.. oh god it hurts.. in the second I felt brand new pain. Shivering.. I can't stop it.. What for God's sake is this? Is this my training? Or am I already dead? Coldness is everywhere...I feel like my skin is freezing..'

 _"Where is the problem?"_  
 _"Maybe we really used too much..."_  
 _"Wake him up! Now!"_  
 _"I don't know what to do .. he is still out.."_  
 _"What about get away from him you sickos?"_  
*punch*  
 _"Aouh"_  
 _"How many times did I tell you to shut the fuck up, sweetie? Huh?"_  
*coughing*  
 _"I warned ... I'm tired of you... Ricky.. ?"_  
 _"Here.. catch!"_  
 _"Thanx buddy..."_  
 _"don't you...mmmphhh"  
_ _"ssshhhh... I need you to be quiet... "  
_ _"mrrmrmrmhgh"_

'Who are those voices? I know them .. somehow..'

 _"Can you stand alone or you need hand?"_  
 _"Fuck off Jason... could you wait til I fill the fuckin bucket?"_  
*water flowing*  
 _"Cut this shit Ricardo and move your ass. Where the hell froze Billy?! "_

'Jason? ... Who is Jason?...Oh Jesus why it hurts so bad... cmmon Steven.. you need to wake up! Something is not right...uhhhhh..How I wish to rub my face.. but I can't move my hands... something is holding them...I can't move my whole body... water drops fell silent.. somebody is coughing in pain there...  
New coldness... it surrounded me tightly...'

 _"Allright... I'm gonna wake him if you can't... you are for nothing pal.."  
_ _"Jesus Christ... wait"  
"Well... obviously it's not working..._ _Where is the cattle prod?"  
_ _"Table"_

"Here we go"  
*zzz Zzz*  
 _"I'm shoceked it's not out of batteries..."  
_ _"Stop talking and wake him up finally!_ "

'Pain... oh God it burns...every cell of my body.. every single waterdrop left on my skin is burning, is boiling. Why can't I move to stop it?'

" _Wake up commander.. we don't have a whole day for you!"_

'It's unbearable.. I can't find nothing to hold on.. to distract me from pain... it's burning so hard, that there is no place to hide.. desperate scream is fighting out from my chest... can't hold it anymore...'

 _"AAaaaaaaaaarrrrrhhhgh...uuhh hhhh"_  
 _"Here he comes... mornin sunshine..."_ Poisonous dark eyes were grinning at him.

 _"I tought you are stronger McGarrett.. eight years out and you can't handle little of sitrecyne and electricity?"_

Face of this man made him shiver, in the moment he knew. Jason Hart. He remmbered hours of cold painful solitude. He remmembered the recording.  
'I'm dead.'  
He remmembered Catherine. Eyes runned around the room finding her. Cath in chair in front of him... her mouth taped. No way they are gonna hurt her again...

 _"Cmon Steve...you forgot how much fun we had with that thing... you loved it... I remmember Freddie told me how much you enjoyed it during SERE... didn't ya?"_  
 _"Ye..ah I did..."_  
 _"You just can't help yourself... you must really love pain.."_ Jason's grin was full of contempt.  
 _"What wou...would you say?"_

 _"_ _Last time we haven't finished our little talk."  
_ _"You think they are gonna stop looking for us... after that little comedy you.. you made?"  
_ _"You are smart boy...and that little comedy... is far from the end my friend... but now we have other things to talk about... Do you remmber where we finished last time?"  
_ _"You hurt her I'm gonna kill you!"  
_ _"As you killed my brother?...heh... I believe so..._ _You know I was thinking long time about what could make you happy... And we came to conclusion with Ricky."_ Jason sounded thrilled... _"So.. my friend, I will repeat you the question.. just in case.. I'm wondering.. what is the worst pain for you?..."_

Now there is only one thing he cared about. Pictures of Cath fighting for air, her blue lips, Her tightened body and painful face... He wants to punch that son of the bitch so bad! But he can't! How he hates those restrains, that vulnerability, his weakness! And Jason knows it! He knows it all.  


 _"You are sick!"_

'I couldn't move away from it. Pain exploded to whole body. Brand new sensation I wish I would never feel. It terribly hurts... much more than usually.. oh god what is wrong with me... Tears filled my eyes.. never before.. why it hurts now?'

Jason seeing the torment of his victim touched his skin with cattle prod again. Billy entered the room and took off the tape from Cath's mouth.

He is looking right into Cath's eyes. She is afraid.. no.. she is terrified... telling something, screaming to him but he just can't hear... he wants to speak, to answer... but no voice is coming from his mouth anymore...  


 _"You are nothing...just a coward...just a human vreck turning lives of people around you into hell.."_ His captor hated him so much. Steve understood, he hated himself too, but in the same time he didn't understood why is this happening. Why he has to be the one carrying all this pain for all these years like a martyr.

 _'SELF-PITY.'_ Good known, deep and mighty voice inside his head sounded strictly. ' _THERE IS NO ROOM FOR SELF-PITY.'  
_

His eyes are deeply starring into Steve's... words leaving Jason's mouth are from his heart, full of hatred, and maybe truth..  


"God w...will bring... justice to me..."  
"No Steven... I'll do it .."

* * *

 **(02:27 pm, 5-0 HQ, missing for 96 hours)**

" _Someone should talk to him."_  
 _"No.. now he needs to be on his own."_  
 _"He is sitting there like this for 3 hours sraight, listening to that damn song.. It's driving me crazy! He is only torturing himself by that.. and us too. .. I mean.. he doesn't have to do this to himself..."_  
 _"Okey.. I will talk to him."_

Chin entered Steve's office. Danny was sitting in his couch, Steve's laptop next to him. His eyes glued on the screen, but empty. Smooth guitar strings and words of old familiar song filled the space.

'Why does the wild wind blow,  
people try to tame me,  
but I only grow more wild,  
why does the wild wind blow?' _  
_

 _"Danny..."  
"It's helping me... actually.. you know.."_ Chin didn't say anything. He just sat next to him. _  
"Once I came to his place.. to check up on him.. It was when we came from Afghanistan... He was sitting on that damn beach playing this song.. He didn't know I was there.. when he finished, I sat next to him and he told me that Catherine called him, that she is staying there until she finds that boy. He always played it when he needed answers. I guess, it sucked in answering for him, same as it sucks for me... but somehow it's helping.."  
_ Danny saw concern in in Chin's face. _"It's okey brother.. I just need a moment..."  
"okey... We are here Danny.. don't forget.. will be right there if you need something.."  
"Thanks Chin.."_

He watched Chin leave. Sitting behind Steve's laptop for hours. But he couldn't push himself to open the file he was always scared of, always arguing with Steve about it, but Steve was prepared for everything.

 _ICOD_.  
Danny tried to calm down and collect some courage to hear his last words. _In case of death_ file Steve made for every one of his family. Now, he finnaly clicked on one that belonged to him.  
Steve with serious face appeared on the screen. Deep blue eyes looked right at Danny trough the screen.  
He breathed deeply, sadly smiled and than started:

 _"Hey Danno.._

 _I know how much you hated this idea... And now when you are watching it... I guess you hate it even more..._

 _I'm sorry brother._

 _I have so many things to tell you... and I've never found a courage to let you know... but,.. you should know,.. you deserve that  
...you saved me...not just once... but you saved me every single day...having you by my side was blessing from God... I wish everybody had friend like you, pal...Thank you for all these years... I'm sorry for driving you crazy... a lot...and thank you for keeping me still... for being my family._

 _...tell kids I love them... and that I'm sorry for not being there for them._

 _Danno please don't be too sad...I probably died doing what I loved.. and that's the way it should be...that_ 's _what i wanted._.. _life goes on...just please **don't quit**... you remmeber?... never out of the fight, babe..._

 _and don't let my O'hana to die...you need each other... more than you think..._

 _and don't blame yourself... whatever happened, you know, I decided to be it this way... nothing of those bad things is your fault buddy...you were the one that made them easier to get trough...thank you brother._

 _allright... ... I love you buddy!_

 _take care.._

 _Goodbye Danno..."_

Dannny starred at black screen with replay bottom in the middle. He watched the video twice, three times.. only one sentence stucked in his head.. _Don't quit_. Empty coffin they burried was still on his mind... Chief Rowan was right.. how could he gave up so fast? It's Steve... How he really died?

* * *

'I can't tear my sight from her... She is more and more desperate... hopes are fading away from her face with each my scream... I want to be quiet.. I want to keep it inside.. to not make her worried... but I just can't...  
I feel hot blood flowing from my chest.. my burns are boiling, my whole body is aching... I feel every punch I was given ... my wrists are in fire.. my head is going to explode... and my heart... my heart is broken... I can't do anything to buy us out from this...'

 _"Hey... you still there?"_ Jason slapped him weakly to face. Steve was't reacting to him anymore. His pale face covered in bruises, blood and sweat was starring to nowhere.  
" _Ricky... he needs a little refresh... cmon"_  
Ricky splashed another bucket of ice cold water on Steve's tortured body.  
 _"Steve.."_ Cath didn't know what else to do... he wasn't responding.. her quiet crying was for nothing...  
 _"Hold on sweetie... it won't last long... at least for you..._ " Jason was leaning to her, with hands crossed on his chest. Poor light was making his smile creepy.  
 _"Back to reality hero.."_ he walked back to Steve bringing him back to consciousness..  
 _"We are not out of options yet... you can't go.."_ Jason suddenly pulled out the syringe. Walked to Cath and caught her arm.  
 _"Don_ ' _t._. _."_ gasped Steve half awake half unconscious.

 _"Say goodbye... this time she is not gonna make it.._ " Not even looking for reaction.. he emptyed the syringe to Catherine's vein.  
 _"You promised..."_ Steve was done...too weak to do ...to say anyhing...  
Jason strightened up and breathed out satisfied. Ricky grinned as Steve yanked himslef in desperation.. His painful gasping echoed in room as Catherine slowly closed her eyes and dropped her head down.  
 _"I promised you suffering... we are only at the beginning McHero._." He waved at Ricky and they left with Catherine's lifeless body. She faded too quickly. Her snow white hand bruised from restrains, slowly dangled in air and than disappeared.  
Steve only watched them, it happened so fast, tears flowing down his face, no able to even exist anymore...

* * *

 **(HQ)**

 _"Hey..."_ Danny met up with Lou in the corridor, trying to get some coffee from automat.  
 _"Hey"_ Lou was focused to machine.

 _"Cannot sleep.. thought I could be more helpful here."_ He broke the silence.  
 _"How is Kono? I saw you talking to her."_  
Lou just shrugged his shoulder. _"Holding the best she can, I guess."_

 _"...I remmebered that ICOD ..thing.. I needed to hear it..."_  
 _"I don't want to hear it.. ... I don't want to believe it..."_ Lou kicked the machine struggling to fill the cup.  
 _"Today I talked to somebody... Chief Thomas Rowan... He worked with Steve and he doesn't want to gave up on him yet... "_  
 _"We didn't give up on him neither... did we?"_  
 _"No... I just don't know what to do.. we runned everything at least million times... we looked everywhere... we stuck man..."_  
 _"Yeah... I know.."_

 _"Anyway, did you see Catherine today?"_ Danny still couldn't get rid of anger about her.  
" _No.. I was thinking about it too..."_  
 _"hmmmm.. I haven't seen her since Steve left... it's wierd.."_  
 _"maybe it's just..."_  
 _"What time is it?"_  
 _"1:17"_  
 _"I'm gonna call for her."_  
 _"At 1 in the morning? Are you crazy?"_  
 _"I don't care..."_

Danny runned back to office. Catherine wouldn't miss his funeral... at least Danny hoped... But first, they have to find her to find out...

* * *

Cath woke up in an empty room. There was old wooden window, bit of sunlight going trough. Heavy door, locked. and nothing else... She was so weak.. for minutes or hours she only observed her surrondings... Steve think she is dead... great...she only hoped he is not gonna give up.. When she finally managed to get up, she checked the window. It was large enough for escaping. She has to try. For Steve.

* * *

 _"Joe... what are you doing here?"_ Danny noticed him entering the office, not in good mood.  
 _"Two of my owns are missing.. one of them presumed dead.. what do you think I'm doing here Danny?"_  
" _I mean.. what?_ " he was shocked.. missing?  
 _"Why didn't you call me sooner! 5 days! "_  
 _"Two are missing? what are you talking about?"_  
 _"Catherine ... They are looking for her.."_  
 _"I was asking about her couple hours ago.. they told me nothing like this.."_  
 _"It's not something they wish to put in the news Danny.." J_ oe was pissed, he couldn't believe it. There needs to be explanation for this.  
 _"Okey... What do we know than?"_  
 _"Cath missing for 6 days, Steve for 5... No report about Cath's dissapearance but Steve left that letter.. right? Is there anything useful?"_  
 _"No... he only wrote he will be out of the island.."_  
 _"I read the report of that op... it was nice try but it's fake.. It's obviously not written by someone who was out on the field... they know it...and why would they recall Steve for average and not specific mission like that.. there are many active guys who could take care of it... But Navy took that report as proper.. they are holding on to everything in situation like this.. missing head of special task force.. public person... it's not needed...and this is only available explanation to give for them... but what you don't know they are still running their own search for him.. for them of course..."_  
 _"So do we Joe.."  
"Are you okay Danny?" _Joe calmed down and saw something in Danny's eyes.  
 _"Am I okay?...I had a speech on his funeral yeasterday.. we burried an empty coffin...We don't even know if he is still alive ... and now Cath is gone too.. How can I be okay?... I'm not... I'm not.."_

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **Hola!  
I got couple of notes to this chapter at first:  
\- Sitrecyne is product if my imagination.. nothing like this exists, nor is used during SERE training  
\- song _WILD WIND ,_ that I mentioned as Steve's favorite, is real song that also sounded in series in episode 4x05 (epi where Billy Harrington was killed). It was kinda complicated to find it whole. It's autor is** **James B. McCarthy (performing with his band Doolin Rakes) and can be found on iTunes and I found it on YouTube but it's just recording from performance in Irish pub in Hawaii where they are active. Just try it, it's really beautiful song.  
\- I'm aware that this was a little wierdly written chapter so if you don't understand some parts or whatever, just text me pls. Also if you have some suggestions etc..  
\- now when we have more of Adam in series, I'm considering adding him into story.. would you like it? Lemme know pls. :***

 **ok I hope I didn't forget anything. Well, now I need to thank you soooo much for all your amazing reviews! I love you sooo much! Thanks! Keep on that, pls. It's super motivating.  
I got some more story details and big step forward in next chapter prepared for you, so stay tuned! Bad news is, that next week I will be super busy (got 3 days of my final examinations and tests and stuff if anyone wonders), so, I'm not sure when I'll post it, but hopefully next weekend. Wish me luck.**.v,, **haha. :D**

 **PS: Don't forget to PM me some scenes you missed in story, to add them to sequels!  
PSS: I LOVE YOU all very much!  
PSSS: Happy late Women's day ladies! Sending kisses.**

 **So thank you for your time, see ya around! ( _^.^_ ) **


	9. Unexpected outcomes

_**All the clouds inside me are raining.**_

* * *

CHAPTER 8.:

 _ **Unexpected outcomes**_

* * *

 **(missing for 114 hours)**

It was calm day. Except for Danny. He no longer knew what to believe, what to do. He has to do something, but how? Sun was going down, making purple nostalgic atmosphere around him. Pink sky and purple clouds above palms, no wind moving them, just complete peace. Danny's eyes stopped on that picture and he would be enjoying this beauty if sadness wasn't enclosing him. Steve loved these dusks. Every time he could, he sat on his beach sight glued on the horizon, waiting like a small child with dreamy eyes for first stars. Danny knew that it was reminding him home. He felt good and Danny never dared to disturb him until show was over. But now, he is all alone. Steve wasn't by his side. His eyes weren't observing the sky. He felt empty, ..alone. Strange beeping on his table didn't belong to this scenery. Why isn't somebody picking up that damn phone!?

 _"Duke?"_ He answered, not tearing sight from the window.

 _"Somebody is looking for you."_ He wasn't curious. He didn't care. Not now. Just let me be for few minutes... need to see it.. to tell Steve what he missed.

 _"Danny?... It's Chief Thomas Rowan... should I let him in?"_

 _"Yes, I know him.. thank you.."_

 _"No problem."_

Duke declined. Danny still concreted on the view, but now little curious what Rowan wants. Everybody was exhausted. They need to end it and do it now. It's been 5 days. Every new hour they waste the chance is getting smaller.

 _"Danny?"_ Lou called him. Danny closed the door on his office and runned his hand through his hair, trying to continue.

 _"Hey! Chief..This is my team, captain Lou Grover, officer Tani Rey, special consultant Jerry Ortega and you know Junior."_

 _"Good to meet you all.. please call me Thomas. Junior, how are you doin'?."_

 _"Good to see you sir."_ Junior and Thomas shook their hands. Team was fronting tall and strong man. His pose was confident and his whole appearance made them feel the they're in company of honorable man. Each one of them had same memory on their minds. Steve McGarrett made them feel the same when they first met. There was something special about spec op's men. Especially about Seals.

 _"Allright..what's up?"_ Danny continued.

 _"I got something... I shaked some trees and I found some interesting stuff.. you said that it was Lieutenant Hart who came to you with bad news.. it sounded familiar to me...I chcecked and Officer with this name doesn't exist in the lines of Navy... but there is man in Air Force.. Captain Jason Hart.. and when I saw his picture I remmembered... Captain Jason Hart is brother of McGarrett's friend, whom I'm sure you all know, Freddie Hart."_

 _"What!?"_ They froze.

 _"And here story continues... I asked my friends to look at the street cam recording if they could pull out something.. here.."_ On the screen appeared street in front of Steve's house and...

 _"Are you kidding me?! It's him!"_ Dany didn't know what to think.

" _I don't think this is coincidence. Hart is only man conected to this case... "_

" _You are telling me that Hart came to Steve, made him take a couple days off, make that letter and than disappear... okey... help me with this.. why would he came now.. right at 8 year anniversary of Freddie's death?"_

 _"I think I gotta answer... Steve didn't have a choice.. look at this..He pulled gun on him"_ Thomas zoomed the recording. But gun wasn't only thing Danny noticed.

 _"hey wait wait.. go back... right there.. stop what is he holding?"_

 _"It looks like some paper or picture..."_

 _"I don't know what it is, we don't have good sight at it, but it looks important, at least it kept Steve under control. I'm sure it wasn't the gun.. well... you know the guy same as I do."_

 _"I should have stayed..I should have known!"_ Junior was shook. He couldn't believe it's happening.

 _"Junior..none of this is your fault..you understand me?"_ Gentle touch from Tani calmed young Seal a bit.

 _"We have to find him..."_ Their determination was growing. Finnaly they had something.

 _"What is he doing up there?"_ Joe looked like he saw a ghost when he entered and saw the screen.

 _"Do you know him?"_ Danny just turned around.

 _"Of course I know him... It's young Hart... and Rowan, what are you doing here?"_ And his face was even more shocked when he saw another Seal in the room.

 _"Sir, good to see you..I wanted to help out"_ Joe's face didn't change.

 _"Good.. so?"_

 _"Thomas found out that Hart is not a Navy officer but airman.. "_

 _"Why did you think he was Navy?"_

 _"Well.. it was him who came to tell us about Steve and his SEAL trident looked pretty real.."_ Danny was sarcastic.. again..

 _"What? Why didn't you tell me? I know that boy.. "_

 _"How was I supposed to know that you know him? HUH? I didn't know, Joe... I'm ... I'm sorry ..I.. Okey... "_ Danny took a stoic posture and continued with question. _"Do you have any idea what could he want from Steve?"_

 _"No... but.. Jason ..he was angry when it happened.. he never spoke to Steve ever again.. at least as far as I know. Guess for 8 years now."_

 _"Something is wrong... is he able to hurt Steve?"_ Worries haunted Danny again.

" _I don't know..."_ Joe had serious face... it wasn't a good sign.

 _"I'll go to miss Haluka to check on that photo.. maybe she'll remember something."_ Junior needed to be useful, needed to do something.

 _"I'll go with you."_ Tani joined him.

* * *

 **(Mrs. Haluka residence)**

 _"Hello Mrs. Can we get in?"_

" _Oh Junior, welcome. Of course, come in, come in."_

 _"Thank you."_ Old lady led them inside.

 _"Is it about Steve?"_

 _"Actually, yes."_ He pulled out photo. _"Is this that man that came here to Steve?"_

 _"Yes,... yes it's him."_

" _His name you forgot.. was it Jason?"_ Her face lost few shades.

 _"I think that's right! It was Jason! What happened? Is Steve allright?"_

 _"We don't know yet... The truth is we have no idea where Steve is or why he left with no explanation.. "_

 _"oh.."_

 _"... but we're doing our best .. don't worry.. you know Steve.. he will be okey."_

 _"I hope so, son... I hope so.."_

 _"You know Steve since he was a kid, right?_ " Tani was holding a picture of children playing on the beach.

 _"I lived here when his grandfather built their house. We were good friends. ..."_ She calmed down a little. _"Steve with my son Alex spent hours together... also Jacob's boy Freddie was here all the time... they were good kids... once we were on the beach out there and they found dozens of beautiful seashells and built that sand castle and covered it with them... Steve brought Marry there and my son brought his little sister Jessie too, and they told the girls, they are princesses of our beach and this is their castle. Marry and Jessie are born in same day. It was their 4th birthday. We all were on the beach that day. John was so proud of him. It was a beautiful time... It's a shame how it all ended... going down the river too fast since Doris died. Kids had to grow up so quickly."_ She just stared at that photo with frozen face. It was obvious she missed that time terribly too.

 _"May I ask... your son Alex... Are they still in touch with Steve?"_ There was something childish what forced Tani to ask. Pure curiosity and need for happy ending for that story. Old lady just sadly blinked and little sad smile appeared on her cheeks, not tearing her sight from picture.

 _"Alex joined 3 months after Steve and Freddie. They wanted to go at the same time but Alex had an injury... He broke his collar-bone and had to wait for couple of weeks. They wanted to wait for him but he didn't let them. Two years in, a second deployment in Afghanistan... his convoy hitted the IED. He lost his left leg. It was hard time for him and he decided to retire from Navy... and now he is running his own organization .. he is helping veterans and their families to get trough hard times on the mainland. He is happy... that's all that matters.. and yes.. of course they are in touch with Steve. Steve is helping him a lot all the ways he can."_ Little silence followed only her sad breathe.

 _"When that thing with Freddie happened, Alex was first that Steve called."_

Kids didn't know what to say. Tani was just satisfied with kind of happy ending she wanted. Not as happy as she hoped for, but still acceptable. Junior gasped:

 _"Thank you Mrs. Haluka.. we will call you when we find out something."_

 _"Good luck.."_ She just smiled at them and watched them leave.

* * *

 **(Kionaole road, 10:43 pm)**

No time for mistakes. No time for slowing down. No time for pity. There is only one way, straight trough the fear and pain. The fastest and most dangerous road you've ever took. Oxygen from very bottom of your lungs, the strenght from thickness of your bones, blood boiling, heart scratching out of your chest, eyes wildly searching for safety in every next step. The hunt has just began. Demons all around. Fast. Slow. Cold. Heat. Darkness. Light. Run. Need to find it. The strenght, help, safety. HIM. Run. No time for break. Road.

 _"HELP!_ " Too fast. Too slow. _"SOMEBODY HELP! PLEASE!"_ No time for pity. _"ANYBODY!"_

 _"HEY! Are you allright? What happened?!"_ Salvation.

 _"I need your phone! Please I need to call them!"_

 _"Hey.. hey.. just calm down and come with me... you need to go to hospital.. you're bleeding!"_

 _"Plese, give me... I need to stop him, please."_

 _"Okey..Okey.. I'll give you my phone as soon we are in car on our way to hospital." ._

 _"Please."_ Dragging.

 _"Just one more second.. okey here you are.. just be careful."_ Warm. Safety. Help. No time for pity.

" _Please pick it! Please, please, please, pl.._ "

His phone rang again. Hoping for any possible news he picked up the phone as fast as he could. Unknown nuber.

 _"Williams_ " Just sobbing. Fast breathing and noise.

 _"DANNY!"_ It was painful and scared. Women on the otherside was terrified. He somehow knew her voice.

 _"Who is it?"_

 _" Dan..ny"_ Tears. Pain. No time for pity!

 _"Hello? Can you hear me? Who is it?"_

 _"Steve.. He needs help Danny.. Steve..!"_

 _"Ca.. Cath? Is that you?"_

 _"Danny!"_

 _"Catherine where are you? Are you hurt?"_

 _"I don't know.."_ on the other side just cracking.. oh god please Cath, be okay..

 _"Hello?"_ Different voice. Danny almost lost his cool.

 _"Who is it?"_

 _"My name is Jack Young. I found this women screaming for help here. We are on 12th mile on Kionaole road. I'm taking her to hospital she is injured and scared. I don't know what happened to her, but looks bad. I'm taking her to Tripler's. Can you come there?"_

 _"Oh God.. Thank you Mr. Young. I'll be there! Be careful! Can...Can I talk to her?"_

 _"Sure.. good."_

 _"Cath?"_

 _"Danny.."_

 _"OK girl. You are going to be fine. We're gonna meet at Tripler's in a moment okey?"_

 _"Okey.."_

 _"Cath I need you to tell me what happened. Where is Steve?"_

 _"He is there. He needs help Danny.. I left him there with those monsters.."_

 _"What are you talking about?"_

 _"They took us.. He is in pain.. He is hurting, Danny! Dying!"_

 _"Cath. I need you to tell me who took you. Who is hurting him?"_ Her breaths were driving him crazy. So much pain was in them.

 _"Jason.. he is gonna kill him! For Freddie! Danny please help him.. I left him oh God!"_

 _"Hey listen to me! You did right okey? Without you escaping we wouldn't know now. We're gonna get him out of there okey!? Everything will be okey!"_

 _"Danny.."_

 _"Listen to me now. You need to calm down. I'm hitting the Tripler's in a 5 minutes. I'll be waiting for you there. Just hold on, deal?"_

 _"I will._ "

He parked the Camaro near the enterance and waited. Wildly and desperatley looking all around checking every car. He finaly got something. Some news about Steve, but far not the news he wished for. It was bad. It's always bad. And than, sudenly red ford stopped in front of him. Tall black figure appeared.

 _"Danny, right?"_

 _"Yes."_ and than he saw her. Half unconscious on a backseat. Covered in dirt and blood, her cheek swollen, deep cut above the left eyebrow. Streams of blood and tears covreder her scared and tired face. Shivering. She was trough hell, not a doubt. If she looks like this, how could Steve look like? God help him.

 _"Catherine.. can you stand?"_ No answer. He took her on the arms and headed inside followed by stranger who just saved her life.

 _"Cath.. stay with me sweetheart. You can't sleep now.. not yet..Can you hear me?"_ He was stopped by three medics.

 _"What happened to her?"_

 _"Not sure."_

 _"OK. What's her name?"_

 _"Lt. Catherine Rollins."_ Danny didn't let her hand.

 _"Cath! I need you to tell me where is Steve! Cath, please! Cath, where?"_

No time. No strenght. Pain. Hunt is not over. Tears. NO SELF-PITY. Remmember!

 _"There.. I don't... Dann.. there.."_

 _"Please step back. She is falling in shock."_

 _"Cath, stay with us! You are safe! Cath."_

 _"..n't kno.. save 'im Dan.."_

She was pale. Her skin almost frozen but her head was in fire. Whole body shaking and Danny wasn't sure if it's from cold, heath or fear. Mixture of everything that happened.

 _"She'll be O.K., right?... Doc!"_

 _"Please, what is your name?"_ Young nurse approached him, stopping him from following now unconscious victim and focused personnel.

 _"Williams."_

 _"Ok. Mr. Williams, please calm down. She is going to be chceked. She is in good hands now, ok?"_

 _"Okey.. allright."_ Danny's breathing was almost on the edge. Steve was dying right now and he had no idea where.. and Cath.. she just lost consciousness..Not a good sign.

 _"I'll bring you water. Please sit down. I'll be right back."_

 _"Fine.._ " Danny was grateful for near chair he sat into. His knees were failing him. He needed break, needed to figure out what to do. But that unknown voice was tehre again.

 _"What she was talking about?!"_

 _"What?"_

 _"She said they took them.. that Steve, whoever it is, is dying! What the hell happened here?!"_

 _"Come with me!"_

Stranger just stared at him. Danny stood in a second back on his legs, wrote his number on first paper he found and urged on a nurse to call him when they will know something about Cath. Then he flashed around him, shouting at him to go!

 _" I need you to take me on that place where you found her! Now! Please! My friend's life depends on you!"_

 _"Okey, okey.. sure."_

Danny felt like burning. No metter what, he will end this nightmare! He picked up the phone.

 _"Junior!? You there?"_

 _"Yes sir. What's up?"_

 _"Listen to me. I need you to come to Kionaole road on my position. Need whole team, SWAT and all HPD officers available! I need every person possible to be there. NOW!"_

 _"Roger that. What happened? You got something?"_

 _"Long story.. will tell you everything on place. We gonna bring Steve home tonight!"_

Call ended. No need for more words. Steve doesn't have that time. Danny was convinced he is gonna find him.

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **Hello!  
Thank you for your amazing reviews. I hope I answered everybody. You are the best.  
Here we are with next chapter! Danny found some hope again, now he knows that Steve is alive and what is going on. But things won't be any easier from now. :O It can't be that easy, right? :) I hope you are still enjoying the story and have a good time reading it. Stay tuned for next chapter! (Coming this week!) :) Feel free to leave your toughts in comments, or PM me! :) MAHALO  
Have a nice day, see ya all soon! :* **


	10. Don't worry about me

**_"If you can feel that staying human is worth while, even when it can't have any result whatever, you've beaten them."_**

 _George Orwell_

* * *

CHAPTER 9.:

 ** _Don't worry about me_**

* * *

 _Autor's note:_

 _I dedicate this chapter to Lieutenant Colonel Arnaud Beltrame (*18.04.1973 - † 24.03.2018) , a real life hero who selflessly sacrificed himself to save life of innocent in hostage situation. His brave decision cost him the highest price. May his soul rest in peace. Gone, but never forgotten._

* * *

 **(Kionaole road, 09:37 pm, Steve missing for 115 hours)**

 _"Where is Detective Williams?"_ Lou than noticed blonde man behind his car, giving orders to mass of officers around him.

 _"We need to move! I want this area upside down! We're not gonna leave until we find something! Go! Go! Go!"_

 _"Danny!"_

 _"Hey! We gotta go!"_

 _"You gonna tell us what the hell is going on?"_ But Danny was on his way down to trees.

 _"Steve! He is somewhere here."_

 _"What?"_ Team was just following him to forest, now filled with dozens of people screaming Steve's name.

 _"Danny! Talk to us!"_

 _"I got a call couple minutes ago.. Some guy found Catherine here injured and scared.. She was a mess.. She told me Steve is still here and that it's vendeta for Freddie's death.. that Jason has him... We were right Lou! Hart was behind all of this!"_ Danny said moving with his hands and running deeper to darkness.

 _"Hou hou! Slow down Danny! What do you mean she was mess?! Where is she?"_

 _"I don't know what he did to her, but she lost consciousness in hospital, she was covered in blood and bruises.. They took her in.. I just couldn't wait... I left my nuber there.. no call yet.. I called Joe.. he is with her."_

 _"Oh god... If she was like that.. in what mess could be Steve right now?"_

 _"Exactly!"_

* * *

 **(Unknown place, 34 minutes sooner)**

 _"JASON! JASON!"_

 _"Jesus Christ, you idiot stop screaming!"_ Billy ran inside the room where Steve was held, interrupting Jason's next punch.

 _"We got a problem!"_

 _"What's going on?"_

 _"Not here."_ He looked on Steve spitting blood on the floor. Jason now even more upset, followed his man outside.

 _"So?"_

 _"She is gone.."_

 _"What?"_

 _"She is gone Jason.."_

 _"She is gone? How could she be gone?"_

 _"She broke the window.."_

 _"She had a double dose of mescaline... How could she possibly stand up? Not to break the window and run away, you idiot?"_

 _"I don't know.. look I'm sorry... but we have to do something.. if she.."_

 _"How long is she gone?"_

 _"Cheking on her every two hours.. so.."_

 _"Fuck... I'm gonna beat your stupid little brain out of yo ass! You are lucky I don't have time for this now!"_

 _"I'm sorry Jason.."_

 _"Why are you still here!? Find Ricky and get him prepared! We are moving!"_

 _"Roger that."_

* * *

 _"I'll get this straight. You cooperate, you are not in pain. You try something, you will regret that you were born. Got it?"_

Steve just looked with foggy eyes at men standing in front of him. He had no strenght to try something.. he had no reason... whatever they had prepared for him. So he just closed his eyes in weak nod.

 _"Good."_

One of the men released the chain from metal loop and let Steve's weak form slide down to cold floor. He lied there, completely torn inside. He gave up on everything. His chained hands lied in front of him. Steve just stared at them, blood, dirt and sweat, purple skin under those chains. But this picture was blurred soon enough by tears he couldn't control anymore. His eyes were open, but he couldn't see anything... felt only sharp pain in cuts on his cheek, as tear slowly dropped trouhg them. He breathed out weakly and painfully. His breath slowly dissolved in the cold air.

 _"Stand up!"_ Chain between his legs was loosen enough for him to walk, but not enough to run. But it didn't matter, he could hardly try.

 _"I said STAND UP!"_ Another kick to his back that forced Steve to slowly turn around and put a knee under him to hold his weight. Other man realized he is not gonna make it alone. So he lifted him up putting his arms under Steve's. Holding him steady, now he faced the man that kicked him. Poisonous grin on his face didn't disturb Steve anymore. He watched his wrist being now free but not for long. Chains were replaced by handcuffs. Silence was suddenly interrupted by strange voice: _'Fight'_ Whispers. _'No self pity!'_ Again. ' _You weren't made for giving up! Fight!'_

 _"I can't"_ Steve mumbled. He recognized the voices. All of them were shouting, screaming at him, trying to convince him about next try. But he didn't want to. Steve felt like he doesn't deserve next chance.

 _"What?"_

 _"I can't."_ He repeated to drive away those voices in his head. Ricky was looking at him, angry, not knowing his victim is not talking to him.

 _"Oh no... I'm sure you can... because if you won't walk that corridor and I will have to drag your ass all way long, I will cut your fingers off one by one. Because I hate deadlifts... MOVE!"_ Small painful steps and gun on his shoulder led him outside. When they reached exit, Jason's voice stopped them.

 _"Hey.. you forgot something.."_ He stopped behind Steve. And suddenly, the darkest blackness around him.

 _"I'm sorry.. It's necesarry."_ Jason whispered to his ear putting the hood over his head. Than Steve felt cold air on his skin as doors were opened. His unsecure steps were led to van. He was dragged in, again left lying on the cold floor. One of the men stayed with him. Doors were slammed close. Few moments later, everything went quiet again, only sound of engine, leaving that hell, was there with him in the darkness.

* * *

 **(Present)**

 _"Hey Danny, you ok?"_ Lou just watched him taking those steps, each one of them more shaky, more afraid. Every second seemed longer and neverending for him. He was shouting Steve's name, screaming and every time it was more painful.

 _"It's Joe."_ He didn't answered the question, just squeezed the beeping phone.

 _"Joe, something new?"_

 _"Uh yeah...I spoke to doctor."_

 _"And?"_ He turned on the sound so Lou could hear.

 _"Long list. She has a cracked rib, brain concusion, couple of bad bruises and cuts, but that's not the main problem. She was injected with mescaline, overdosed to be accurate. Doc wasn't sure what consequences it could have, it depends on lot of things. Assuming from her condition and reaction to meds so far, it could be bad, she has a rough night in front of her. He said she had it in her body for at least 3 hours, combined with stress and other injuries, her body overreacted rising the level of adrenaline. Her heart is beating irregulary, and they are doing some check ups on her brain right now. It will take a while. I call you than."_ Danny and Lou were starring at each other in meaningful silence. Danny closed his eyes and shook his head.

 _"Thanks Joe.."_

 _"How are things going there?"_

 _"Same.. no good news.."_ And he put the phone back to his vest.

 _"Danny.."_ No answer coming. Lou grabbed detective's arm and forced him to look at him.

 _"They are gonna be allright. Catherine is a though girl. And we will find Steve. Everybody is doing their best to do so. If he is here, we will find him..."_

 _"If he is here..."_ Danny escaped his grip and continued in desperate searching surrounded by his bubble of anxiety.

* * *

" _I got message from Lou, Cath is holding up, but it's bad. Overdosed with mescaline."_ There was something in Junior's expression, Tani noticed. _"What?"_

 _"Shhh.."_ His eyes were glued to the road under them. And then she saw the lights followed by the cracking voice of old engine. Junior gestured to move. They have to check this. Finnaly reaching the road, the old blue van approached them, two wierd faces inside. Both were obviously not ready for being stopped by police. Junior waved with hand and walked to their window.

 _"Good evening, what can we do for you?"_ The hispanic man behind wheel stupidly smiled and stared at Junior with his big black eyes.

 _"What are you doing here?"_

 _"We were out to try my new riffle, chase some boars."_

 _"Can you show me your license?"_ Man reached for his wallet and handed the paper to Junior. _"David Alvaro Torres...What you got back in there?"_ Junior continued with questions still starring at the photography.

 _"Well, we killed one so.."_ Tani was looking at him not really convinced about it.

 _"Open it."_ Strangers looked at each other.

 _"C'mon officers... we are in hurry.."_ Hispanic hissed and Tani and Junior exchanged serious looks.

 _"It won't take long... do it."_

Second man stepped out of the van and walked to back doors from other side. He was a little shorter than hispanic, but with a much longer hair tied to scruffy tail. Junior followed him. As the doors were opened she heard a painful groan and saw Junior fell uncoscious on the ground. Breaking the eyesight with driver she almost didn't noticed that he pulled gun on her.

 _"Junior!"_ He wasn't responding. And She couldn't help him. Standing 5 meters from the wehicle with her hands up she didn't have many choices. She only watched that black haired man to drag Junior inside. It was too late. Tires made the hoarse noise leaving Tani alone. She pulled out her gun and started firing at them, but they disappeared in dark forest. ' _Oh god.. It was them..'_ Breathing wildly, starring at the dust settling down. Quickly searching for the help, she realized they got themselves into really serious trouble.

" _To all units, we've got suspects on the run, blue van, southern road to Kionaole, officer took hostage! I repeat, blue van, southern road to Kionaloe!"_

* * *

 _"You son of the bitch what were you thinking!"_

 _"He saw him! I had no choice!"_

 _"And what about her? Huh?"_

 _"She didn't!"_

 _"Oh she didn't... Tie him! One more mistake and I swear to god I will kill you!"_

 _"Everything okay back there?"_

 _"Speed up! They know about us, We have to get out of here!"_ Billy took off Junior's vest and ziptied his hands and legs.

 _"He is waking up."_ He noticed that eyes of their new victim are slowly opening.

Junior binked few times trying to get rid of that pain in his head. He tired to focus to make sure what is going on. He found himslef tied up, he remmember what happened. _"Tan.. Tani.."_ He slowly whispered searching for her. Nothing. Instead he found somebody else. His eyes stopped on limp form in the corner. His body shivered when he realized who is it. He was too tied up, hood over his head, shirtless, barefoot, and beaten. Junior recognised the tattoo on his shoulder. Steve. It's Steve! _"God! Steve! What did you do to him!?"_ Steve's bruised body painfuly jerked after hearing the different and terrified voice. Junior tried to move closer to him. " _Steve!? Can you hear me? Sir!"_ But he was stopped and dragged back.  
 _"Don't move, you understand?"_ He didn't care. Mistake. Recieving another blow, Junior fell to blackness.

Steve had a lot of time to think. He was busy with keeping his demons under control and he wasn't even giving much attention when he heard Ricky saying they got a problem from the front. Still not caring about his surroundings or the burning pain when the wehicle slowed down and competely stopped. He was disturbed from his mind only when his senses finally realised things are not going as they were planned. He felt Jason crouching down and than silent and cold whisper adressed to him. _'Try something and I'll kill them.'_ And now he understood. The van was stopped by police officers. His senses kicked him again and he lost control of his demons. _'Take your chance!'_ So he tried to turn around, checking on his ability to move. His mind running trough every option how to drive the officer's attention to him. But when he felt coldness of iron on his chest he froze. _"That's the last thing he will feel on his head... Final warning."_ Whisper followed the sound of key in the lock and he felt cold air on his skin again. Everything happend so fast, van was in motion again and he heard a gunfire from outside. Jason and Billy's fight was cut off by the new voice. It was mumbling something, but than he recognized the fear and... _'Steve!'._.his muscles tightened. His mind could be playing with him again. _'Steve! Can you hear me?...'_ It was so real. Now he was no longer alone. There was somebody who recognized him, but not able to help him.

* * *

 _"Tani! What happened!"_ Danny appeared in front of her.

 _"We stopped them, wanted to see what they got in the back.. Junior wento to check but they knocked him out and started firing... they took him... they took him!"_

 _"Calm down.. it's gonna be ok!"_

 _"Junior saw his license.. His name was David Alvaro Torres."_

Sirens were beeping from outside the forest. People rushing around. They have to find them! They have to! Tani watched Danny as he spoke to Chin. He stayed outside on the road to search area with the drons. Everything was in slow motion suddenly. What if they hurt him? Who are they?

 _"No records on Torres, it was fake.."_

 _"They still don't have them? It's been a while! They can be gone now!"_

 _"This place is surrounded, they can't escape. We have to wait."_

Danny's transmitter informed the team that the other unit found a strange place. Old house. Voice from other side said they won't like what they found. Danny, Tani, Lou, Kono and Adam rushed up the road. 250 meter above, hidden behind dense vegetation there was an old gate and concrete path. They entered the place. Duke Lukela was standing in front of the building with strange look in his eyes. Almost as strange as the place was. He was standing above the tiretracks, obviously fresh.

 _"What do we have Duke?"_

 _"My men are inside... come on, I show you."_ Duke led them in. The strange atmosphere enclosed them. Cold and wet air sharpen their senses. Long narrow corridor, 5 doors.

 _"Here, look."_ Danny stepped to first room. There was a big table, some chairs. It was messy, food packings, dirty plates, empty coffee mugs, ashtray full of all kinds of mess, old newspapers and in the corner under window there was bucket of water and towel hanging on it.

 _"We found here this."_ Duke was holding a dirty blue shirt, cracked phone and wallet. Danny almost fell to his knees when he saw the familiar things.

 _"Thay had to forgot it... It was thrown on the gound in that mess. At least we know he was here."_ Duke tried to find something good on this situaton. Seeing blonde detective squeezing Steve's shirt in his hands almost broke him.

 _"I guess the next two rooms won't make you happy either."_ Danny threw a shocked look on Duke and rushed to another room. But he stopped as he opened the next door. He hated places like this. Every time he was so angry, especially when it had to do something with Steve. But now he wasn't angry. No word can desribe the feeling. It was a nasty place. Two chairs with restrains, chains hanging from the ceiling, table with... _"Son of the.."_ Danny had to lean on that table, his knees were failing him again. Pictures still lying steady in the painful silence. Team was standing there shocked, each one of them finding their own face. On their mind only one person. Steve. How much he had to endure? They were threating them to make him suffer. And they know this is the worst suffering for him when his beloved ones are in danger. Only God knows what he had to do to cover them for 5 days. Empty syringes were lying on the floor. Everything was covered in blood stains. This place was making Danny nauseous, he was tired and definitely not ready to continue the excursion in the house of horrors. _'Don't worry about me.'_ He wrote to his stupid letter not to worry about him and this was happening the whole time. They burried him and he was still there going trough hell! He knew what was about to come and he wrote only _'Don't worry about me'_.

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **Aloha!**

 **Here we go with next chapter! Jason is on the run with Steve and now with Junior. Danny and team found the place where Steve was held. Cath is in bad condition and soooo on. I hope you guys like my choice of new Jason's victim. I was thinking about it a lot and I decided for Junior cos of many reasons. Hope you will enjoy it. So now we are only few steps from rescue, but still have many problems ahead. Stay tuned for next chapter!**  
 **I have a little struggle with next piece, so please be patient with me, it will maybe take more than week to post it. I'll try my best to by as quick as possible! :)**

 **Thank you for your _wonderful reviews_ and for your time! Have a nice day! See ya around!**


	11. Circle renewed

**_Out of every 100 men, 10 shouldn't be in a combat. 80 are just targets. 9 are real fighters. But one, one is a warrior._**

 _(Movie quote: SIX, by Ricky 'Buddha' Ortiz)_

* * *

 _CHAPTER 10.:_

 ** _Circle renewed_**

* * *

Time almost lost meaning. Danny knew it's going too fast, but at the same time everything was too slow. His mind was poisoned with millions of thoughts, none of them positive. What the hell is happening? Why? Why to them again? Six days ago he was sitting on the beach with his friend who was internally shaterred, trying to find his peace for years. He was weak and vulnerable, even though he never seemed like. And the chance was taken. Here we are. Searching for salvation. Running out of time. Six days ago he had no idea what is going on, than he was told his friend is dead, he spoke on his funeral and now... now he was thrown into reality. Jason did this.. he did this to Steve. He knew it will be easy to bring Steve to this neverending circle of guilt. But why like this?! He felt the coldness on his skin. Still squeezing Steve's torn and dirty shirt, he realized he was completely exposed to this freezing hell. That cruelty was unbearable.

The warm palm landed smoothly on his back bringing him a little piece of comfort. It was Lou. He sat down to concrete stairs next to him. When dark eyes met his own, Danny realized it's a lot worse than he hoped.

 _"There is... there is a ...white room again...white room Danny."_ Lou's warm palm moved from Danny's back and runned trough his face. Than his fingers crossed and he was starring to nowhere, broken. Kono appeared on his other side with old laptop in her lap. She turned it to Danny.

 _"You should see this.."_

He saw pictures he recognised immediately. It was Freddie's funeral. And then shaky recording started. Witnessing his own misery he had no strenght left. His palm covered his mouth convulsively, letting out only silent sobbing. Steve watched him when he was given the bad news. Steve watched him breaking down, he watched him giving up. Steve watched as he was presumed dead and everybody believed it. This had to break him.

Danny knew his team is not going to comfort him anymore. They needed to be comforted themselves. Cold night enclosing them offered no mercy, no solution, no ending to all of this. And he needed it to be over, because he knew he can't take this for any longer.

 _"Why we still don't have them?! WHY ARE THEY STILL ON THE RUN?! HE PROTECTED US FOR SIX DAYS NOW AND WE ARE FAILING TO STOP THIS!"_ He found himslef running to Duke's car. Engine made angry cracking sound and he left the place convinced he is gonna find Steve himslef.

* * *

 _"What is the plan?"_

 _"Working on it... "_

 _"Exuse me?!"_

 _"No pressure.. take your time JJ.. we are only surrounded by whole HPD with two men in the back, circling in the jungle in a fucking van!"_

 _"Well thank you.. I definitelly didn't know this.."_

 _"It's enough... enough Jason..it's over.."_ Jason head turned to unexpected voice coming from the corner followed by painful groaning. The words fell silent for a moment.

 _"No.. not yet Smooth Dog.. it's not over until we are even... "_ Jason watched Steve's chest weakly rising up and falling down, now and then interrupted by cough.

 _"We'll never be... you know that."_

Another silence...

 _"Let us go.. and you can leave this place tonight... I will make them let you go.."_

 _"After what I've done to you.. you .. I don't need your mercy... I need you to be punished for your sins..."_ But his voice was cutt of by sound of flash hitting flesh behind his back. Then bullet came out of the gun and body fell dead on the floor. Van stopped.

 _"Stop!"_

Steve found himself standing in the Jason's grip feeling the iron cold barrel on his throat acompanied by excruciating pain when Jason's arm enclosed his damaged ribcage. He was irritated he couldn't see what's going on. He only felt the warm Jason's breath soaking trough the black hood to his right ear.

 _"It's over Jason... Let him go.."_ Familiar voice sounded again.

Steve's mind worked only partly, but he managed to recognise the voice of stranger finally. It was Junior. But what the hell he is doing here? Is it freaking enormous coinsidence or... or they are looking for him.. his team was there.. near to finding him. They know he is alive? The gun burried deeper to his skin, making more difficult for him to breath. Hood over his face wasn't helping either and nose and mouth full of blood and pain were not able to deliver enough oxygen to his lungs. Grip around his chest fastened sending another agonizing wave of pain trough his whole body. His cuffed hands clenched to fists dealing with pain. His back feeling the warmness of Jason's body behind him, his wildly beating heart.

 _"There is no other way out of this... you have to stop Jason."_ Junior aimed his newly gained gun a little higher in his still-ziptied hands. The front door were slammed close and three men in back left alone. Hispanic realized what is going on. Billy was shot dead and odds weren't in Jason's favor. Police is only few moments away. His math was good. Best chances are to disappear.

 _"We know everything... It's over now._."

When Steve heard this, he wasn't sure if he is glad or not..There was not much room for other feelings cos pain took too much space.

" _Jas.. Jason... It's time.. to.. end this..brother...just end this... we can get trough this.. we can.. just put down .. down the gun.. Jason.. please.. for Freddie.."_

But he heard clicking sound of gun on his throat instead of letting him go. Jason loaded to express he is not going to end it the way two Seals wanted.

 _"You were right... we will never be even."_ Steve rerealized there is no positive outcome from this. He knew what was coming. Bullet from Junior's gun had to tear his own flesh to achieve Jason. What he didn't expect was bullet leaving Jason's gun too. He expected to welcome the darkness, but it wasn't coming. He only felt his body failing him when it was no longer supported by Jason. Falling to his knees he felt warm liquid dripping down his upper chest. The bullet did it's work. Suddenly, he was stopped from falling entirely. Strong hands pressing the blood back, not succeeding, lying his body down gently.

 _"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Steve.. I'm sorry.. I had to.."_

When he touched the floor, he closed his eyes in the wave of pain and newly found dimp light of the night as hood was pulled off.

 _"Easy, easy, it's over...just stay with me sir! You can't go now!"_

Blinking few times trying to focus his retinas to Junior, his new wound started hurting terribly.

 _" 'nior..."_

 _"Yes sir, I'm here... don't worry I'm gonna get you outta here."_

 _"..u 'r .. bleed'n.."_

Junior pressed hardly on the bullet wound.

 _"It' just a scratch.. dont worry about it... I need you to try put a pressure on this so I can free us.. can you do that, sir?"_

Steve weakly moved his hands up causing himself groan in flames of hurting, weakly pressing on the blood soaked piece of cloth Junior put on his wound to stop the bleeding. His eyes following every Junior's move, watching him searching for something in his vest that layed down on the floor. He cutted his ties off from his legs and hands. Than he quickly turned his attention back to Steve still checking pockets on his vest.

 _"Damn it... they had to fell off... I can't open these without those freaking keys! Come on!"_

The keys to Steve's cuffs had to be forgotten..There is no time.

 _"Do you think you can walk?"_

 _"... Steve!"_

 _".. he ..dead?.."_ Junior checked the pulse, not feeling anything. But Jason's opened eyes still full of hatred made him feel like he was still there.

" _Negative.. it's over boss... we need to move now... walking?"_

 _"..'ll try.."_ Junior smoothly dragged him to door and he kicked them opened.

 _"Well now.. it's gonna hurt, sir.."_ Steve tightened his body and let Junior drag him out of the van to cold ground trying to ignore the ubearable pain. Pulling on his cuffs he tried to drag his attention from what just happened.

 _"We have to try this, okey?"_ Junior was almost shaterred when he saw Steve. Now seeing him lying on the ground, badly injured and cuffed, trying only to get rid of those chains that probably held him for days... Junior wasn't able to help him out of them. But he kept cold and remmemberd his training. He smoothly put him up, carefully taking as much Steve's weight on him as he could.

 _"That's better.._ " First steps were unspeakable hell. Steve knew he can't go far like this plus the chain between his legs wasn't allowing him to take longer steps, but he was letting out only hoarse groans trying to get enough oxygen to his lungs.

" _Just focus on breathing.. you know our breathing, Commander.. just in and out.. slowly_ _.. we will make it.. just breath.."_ Junior knew Steve doens't have much time. God knows what other injuries he had.. and that bullet wound would be far enough to kill him if they won't find help soon.

 _"We have to make it up to that road okey.. my phone is dead here.. we will call for help."_

 _"..'nior.. won't...n't make it.."_

 _"No no no... you will .. just hold on for one little while okey.. hang in there sailor! I won't let you die on me sir, when we finally found you after six days.."_

 _"..'ix days?.."_

 _"Six days."_ Junior's phone beeped finally. He gently let Steve to slide down. One hand pressing on his wound, the other calling for help.

 _"C'mon take it... take it."_ The cold night jungle was surrounding them. They didn't belong in there. Smooth wind was supressed by Steve's shallow breaths.

 _"Junior! Where are you! What happened!?"_ sounded from other side finally.

 _"I found McGarrett! He needs help! Right now!"_

 _"Stay there! We are coming on ypur position!"_ Call eneded. Junior focused on Steve's eyes. They glistened in the night, full of pain and now tears. Steve was trying to keep his sight off from Junior, focusing only on the sky. He was badly shaking and his bloodied and dirty face was full of pain.

 _"..tell Dan' .. 'm sorr.."_

 _"Hey shhh... save your energy.."_

 _".. prom.. promise me.. you'll.. bring. bring Cath home...she.. she dead.."_

 _"I promise... Steve.. Catherine is alive.. she is in hospital.. she is not dead.. you hear me?"_

But he didn't anymore..

 _"Steve!"_

His eyes stopped on the star shining trough the trees. Tear dropped from his eye again when he realized it's the last thing he sees... and it was so beautiful. He can go now.. everything is how it's supposed to be... he hoped.. he hoped that it wasn't for nothing.. that Jason found his peace...he hoped that he also can go peacefully. Even demons in his head are quiet now. He is not alone anymore. He's made this world a better place even though he was weak so many times. He had a family. He was grateful. He knew love and now he was ready to meet with her again. Only one wish could not be fulfilled. To thank his family for being there for him again. 'I'm sorry Danno.' The sky was so clear full of stars surrounding the moon. But he only watched his star. And it was slowly fading away to complete nothingness.

* * *

Danny couldn't believe it. He never rode so fast.. almost as crazy as Steve. Wih Chin on the phone navigating him, he was only few meters from them. When he heard that Junior made it, he almost lost it entirely. Now he has the pictures of that place in front of his eyes.

 _"Okey Danny, you shloud see them... 15 meters on your left."_ Danny stopped the car and jumped out leaving the doors opened.

 _"Junior!"_

 _"Here! Quickly!"_ Panic ovorwhelmed his then saw them. Steve's unmoving body in Junior's bloodied arms. In a second he was kneeling beside him. His limp form stabbed him right to the heart.  
 _"We need keys, Danny!"_ Danny reached to his pocket and with shaking hands he tried to open Steve's cuffs.  
 _"Jesus... look at him.."_ Cuffs were finally gone. No time for anything. They lifted him up and carried to car. Danny sat behind the wheel and now even more insanely turned vehicle to motion.

 _"Is Tani okey?"_

" _Yes.. she ..she is okey... what happened?"_

 _"They knocked me out.. when I get to myself I was tied in a van with someone else I assumed it was Steve."_

 _"Assumed?"_

 _"He had hood over his head.. I only saw the tattoo... I somehow managed to kill one of those men and than I wanted to shoot that son of the bitch, but he had gun on Steve's throat .. I had no chance .. i had to do something.. I had to... I had to shot him trough ...oh god I'm sorry .."_

 _"Trough what?"_  
 _"Trough Steve.. I had to.. I had to... "_

 _"Oh God..okey.. .. How is he?"_

 _"Weak pulse.. hurry up!"_

Leaving the forest he hitted the Kionaloe heading to Tripler's. Sirens wildly howling made other cars move away. Few moments later they were followed by whole unit. Danny pulled out the first aid kit from his side box and handed it to Junior.

" _There should be an adrenaline in service cars.."_

 _"Yeah.. good idea.. I got it!"_ Junior unpacked the small syringe filled with lifesaving liquid. He checked on Steve's pulse again, but he couldn't feel anything this time. Injection was slammed right to Steve's hearth.

 _"Danny he has only 5 minutes... he had no pulse.. this dose can keep him alive for only five minutes... Hurry up!"_

Junior pulled out his phone again.

" _911\. What's your emergency?"_

 _"Here is officer Reigns, Five-0. I'm heading to Tripler's with Commander McGarrett. He has a shot wound to his upper chest, and he was tortured so he has many other injuries.. please be ready we are there in less than 5 minutes.."_

" _Okey, I'm sending down the team. Is he conscious?"_

 _"No, he is out for couple minutes now.. his heart stopped ...we gave him adrenaline."_

 _"Ok... breathing?"_

 _"Shallow.. I think broken rib punctured his lung."_

 _"Can you tell me how his retinas are reacting?"_ Danny saw trough the mirror as Junior grabbed the flashlight from the kit and carefuly opened Steve's eye.

 _"Slow reaction, he has a concusion."_

 _"Okey Officer, now please, try to keep him in the stable position the best you can, not moving until it's absolutely necessary. If he has other bleeding wounds, please try to stop them."  
"Okey... got it.."  
"Do you see some more obvious injuries? Fractures? Skin damage?"  
"Looks like he has a few broken ribs,... and there are marks on his neck and... wait a second... yes on his forearms too.."  
"Can you you tell me more about these?"  
"Multiple marks.. yellow bruising.. guess he was given something.." _

Danny turned the wheel to the right entering the hospital.

 _"We are here."_ Junior ended the call while Danny stopped right in front of the group of medics. They opened the door and grabbed Steve gently out, lying him on the deckchair.

 _"Male, early forties, unresponsive, gunshot wound on his upper chest, several damages to his..."_ Dany and Junior just watched them taking Steve right into surgery room. Both not really breathing right now. It's over.. They just have to wait and pray. Other cars parked behind them and soon they were enclosed by other team mebers.  
 _"Junior! Are you ok?"_ Tanni hugged him tightly.  
 _"I'm good.. you?"_  
 _"I'm allright... thanx God.."_  
 _"How is he?"_  
Whole team just watched as Danny slipped down by the wall, landing his hands on back of his head, his eyes full of horror, still playing the pictures of his best friend. Junior knew that it broke Danny. He kneeled to him.  
 _"He is strong.. we will help him trough this..."_

Suddenly it started raining. Clouds slowly covered the stary sky. It was perfect metaphore for how he felt. No.. He felt even worse.. Nothing could describe the storm inside his head. How will he be able to look into Steve's eyes? And how Steve will be able to even open them? He hoped that rain would wash away all that happened. That it would take back time, pain and all that suffering. That he will make it trough and he will be standing here among them again.

* * *

 _ **TBC**_

* * *

 **Aloha!**

 **First I need to say that all the medical stuff I'm talking about is product of my crazy head. I have no knowledge about meds or injuries or stuff so don't take it seriously. I just need to look more realisticaly. :)**

 **SO! Here we are! Steve is finally safe, Jason is dead but everyone is broken. I hope you liked the finding part. Don't worry, I still have plenty of things to tell. :) Let me know what you think. I would be pleased to know your opinion or answer your questions (If you have some, go ahead!). And of course, thank you for your recent reviews! They made my day! I love you all!**

 **For next chapter I got some condition stuff of course, Joe and Cath back on the scene, all the feels and much much more. No spoilers! :) So please stay tuned ! Now I have a really hard week ahead, so next chapter coming the weekend after.**

 **So have a wonderful week! Thank you for reading! See ya around. :***


	12. I got you brother

_If I was dying on my knees,_

 _you'd be the one to rescue me._

 _And if you were drowned at the sea,_

 _I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe._

(Kodaline; Brother)

* * *

CHAPTER 11.:

 ** _I got you brother..._**

* * *

' _You made it to the Honorable men... you were the best of the best...' From shoulder to hip. Tearing down. Opening the skin forcibly. Cutting deeper._

 _'You served your country... you were honoring your father.. you still were 5 days ago...' From neck to shoulder blade. Letting the blood out. Burning the flash._

 _'You thought you are a good man...So why you broke the only time when he needed you? The only time you were supposed to be a real man?! Why you let him die?!' Trough the whole back. Wrists sore, burned, deep to bones. Blood dropping down._

 **"On three... One.. Two.."**

 **beeeeeeeeeeeep***

 _Mind so heavy. Tears streaming, unstoppable. Violent screams not helping. How to escape? Another. From back, over to hip. Enclosing. Tearing it all out. It's so real, but at the same time it's not. Something is there. Someone is there. With me. This time, not only my mind. Pain. Irrelevant. Focus._

 **"Three.."**

 **"C'mon... "**

 **"Clear!"**

 **beeeeeeeeeeeep***

 _' You just left... watching him.. you don't deserve to live...' Everything was white and clean, but suddenly the dark eyes are back and than again gone. What's happening? Pain. Irrelevant. That line on the monitor is still straight, unmoving, not jumping up and down as before. It's thin and blue and it reminds me something really important. It has to be important. Focus._

 **"Come on Commander! Don't give up now!"**

 **"On 300!"**

 **"Clear!"**

 _' You don't deserve to live! You deserve to suffer for your cowardice!' Whip. Pain. Lighting, than darkness. Burning, than coldness. Irrelevant. Don't let memories overcome you. Focus. Live. Die. What is real?_

 _Warm shaking fingers on my cheek, blurried face in front of me. She has the dark eyes, beautiful dark eyes. Not the mad eyes I saw before. It could be Catherine..._

 **"Commander? Can you hear me? Listen please, for whatever it's worth. You have to fight! You can't give up now..."**

 _Flash. ' I promised you suffering! We are only at the beginning McHero..' __She faded too quickly. Again. Her snow white hand bruised from restrains, slowly dangled in air and than disappeared. Again... Dragging me away. Over and over and over again._

 **"Commander! Your family is waiting for you outside.. Don't make me to tell them it's over! You can't leave them now! FIGHT!"**

 **"One.. two.. three!"**

 **"Clear!"**

 _Young Seal's black eyes. Scared, but satisfied. ' Yes, yes it's me Steve! I'm here... we are gonna make it, just breathe! You know our brearthing Commander, in and out... just hold on sailor..' Lying in his arms. I remmember this. God, that weakness. I remmember my weakness. I never tought something could scare me so much. My dad always told me 'It's okey to be scared. It reminds you that you are a man. Important is, what makes you fight that fear. Think about it when you'll be afraid.' I still see his eyes as they glistened in the moonlight. I didn't understand it. But he knew I will.. once. Now I do. And I would never disappoint him. Everything is so clear now. I can't take what I was given for granted. There is always something special and important worth that fight... How a man can stay strong when he is so weak, almost on the very bottom of his existence? I'm a Seal. I know that. I know how to overcome myslef, how to achieve impossible. I know I can stay strong while I'm weak. How to fight that fear. I have that will._

 **beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep beeeeep beep beep*** _And the line shyly jumped again,... and again.. and it's now wild as a lion, seems like the screen will be too tight for it in a while, seems like it will break the cage and run wild, free, unchained. The fight was worth it. There is no fear anymore. I am a lion and that lifeline is mine, that heartbeat is mine!_

 **"He is back!"**

 **"Nancy, I don't know what you did, but it's working! Keep talking to him!"**

 **"Can you hear it Commander? You are doing just right! You are safe now.. stay with us.."**

 **"Okey.. He is stable for now... We got 52 beats per minute..Pressure 79/50."**

 **"Too low.. Give him 10 mg of coricidine... someone stop the bleeding.. he can't loose any more blood!"**

* * *

 _"Junior! You ok?"_ Tani jumped from her seat when she saw Junior walking trough the hallway to them from his check-up.

 _"Yeah... just little banged up and scratch on the hand.. two stitches.. I'm good."_ He sat in to last free chair. Noticing Danny was not there.

 _"Something new here?_ " Each head just sadly shook, not making a sound. So he joined the silent, scared and tired faces. But after while Jerry asked finnaly.

" _What happened out there Junior?"_ They were no longer starring to the floor. Their eyes were now on him, asking for something he couldn't give them.

 _"Danny didn't told you?"_ Silence continued. _"Where is he by the way?"_

"H _e needed to change.."_ Jerry had big eyes hungry for answers, same as everybody around. So he started.

 _"When they attacked us... they knocked me out... I woke up in a back of van...I couldn't move.. so I started to look around.. there were two of them.. third driving... and in the corner was...when I saw him I tought he is dead... They were talking about what to do next, but than Steve interrupted them.. he tried to convince Jason to stop it... When he focused on Steve, I took a chance and somehow managed to kill the other one. But Jason took Steve and had gun on his throat.. Steve tried to talk to him again, but it was for nothing.. I had to shot him and I had no other choice but end it or he would shot Steve. I had to shot him trough Steve. I had to.."_ Junior stopped fo a while. They almost weren't breathing. _"The driver ran away... I pulled him out. I tried to find my keys, but I couldn't find them.. He had to walk in those chains.. and I saw how he hated them..so much.. We walked until I caught the signal.. and you know the rest.."_

 _"God.."_ Kono rubbed her face, trying not to cry.

 _"He tought Catherine is dead... I can't imagine what he did to him..."_ It was wierd. Unprepared, so strong. They never wanted to sit in those white chairs, once again. In between those blue walls. Just shaterred and placed there, like a pieces of something enormous, now broken lying on the ground. Pieces waiting for the glue that could bring them back together again, but it can't be done until the last missing piece won't be there.

 _"We found the place... "_ Lou joined the coversation.

 _"How can one human being do that to other?"_

Break is needed. Timeout. Whatever. Just distraction from this.

 _"I'm gonna check on Danny.."_

* * *

Knocking on the door, Junior just heard the water flowing in the sink.

 _"Danny? You there? It's Junior.. open please."_ Nothing. Everything remained silent.

 _"Danny?"_ He unlocked the door. Junior slowly touched the handle and opened .. Danny was standing in front of the sink, hot water flowing down again on his bloodied fingers.

 _"It's okey... you should change that shirt.."_

 _"It's still there... It can't go off..."_ Danny kept rubbing his hands violently and angry. He looked like a gunpowder surrounded by fire. His eyes were wide opened, filled with anger that needed to be released. His body shaking from all those feelings. What was happening in his mind Junior could not even guess. But he understood what he felt. He was also scared when he sat on the table waiting for doctor. When he saw himself, all covered in blood. And he couldn't wait for the moment when he takes off that tshirt. Because until he saw the blood, he saw Steve in his arms. And when he tried to wash it off his hands, it was still there

 _"Danny.. Danny look at me!"_ He grabbed his shoulder and stopped the water.

 _"They are clear.. C'mon change your shirt.."_ Danny smoothly put off the bloodied one and replaced it with clean blue one.

 _"C'mon man.. we're gonna grab some coffee."_

Danny still silent walked out and Junior followed him. Than he suddenly turned on him.

 _"How are you?"_

 _"I'm okey.. just few scratches.."_

 _"You remind me of him.. a lot.."_

Junior did not expect this.. little shocked he just waited for Danny to continue.

 _"Thanks for ending it."_

 _"Tell Danno I'm sorry."_ Junior whispered smoothly.

 _"What?"_

 _"He said that before he lost consciousness..."_ Danny stopped and kept starring at him.

 _"Maybe it's just me, but I think he didn't give up... he knew he is too weak to hold any longer.. to tell you himself... he wanted you to know that he is sorry for what you've been trough.. that's just what I felt."_

Danny's eyes changed from the wild fire to something smooth. He was grateful for knowing that. But still vulnerable and scared. And maybe he would cried if Chief Rowan haven't walked to them.

 _"Detective, Officer. Any news?"_  
 _"No... you?"_  
 _"I'm sure he will make it... I know he will... and HPD is still searching the area, but.. no sign of him.. it looks like he disappeared..."_  
 _"We need to find him.. I want to have some good news for Steve when he wakes up.."_

* * *

Weak forms sitting in waiting room, one next to other, waiting. Kono brought her laptop running trough evidence, looking for something, but no idea what it should be. She can't even focus. It's just desperate measure. Adam on the one side, holding her steady, Chin is sitting next to her too, starring on screen too, just silent with anger in his eyes. In the other corner were Jerry, Kamekona, Flippa and Nahele. He could not stop pacing around the room. From time to time he sat down but never for longer than a minute. In the middle Tani with Junior, Danny, Lou and Joe. It was three hours since they brought Steve in, but they still had no news about him, no nothing. Not even confirmation he is still alive. Couple minutes ago Noelani and Eric joined them. Atmospere was still heavy, even when Joe told them Catherine is doing better and she would wake up in the morning. So now it was only on Steve. Again. And it made Danny sick. For everything on this world he would take his place just to give him a break. Just to stop his suffering. He would give everything to have Steve by his side now, smiling with his little fires in his eyes. He would gladly let him drive them home to grab some beers and finish that damned conversation, to wait for sun to settle down and for the first star to come out. Now he would make him talk no matter what. He would make him tell that he is about to give himself up to Jason, he would make him let out every crack of his broken soul, just let it out... and then... then he would hug him, tell him it's allright, that he is not alone, not ever again, that he doesn't have to suffer, carry all weight of the world onhis own shoulders... that now they will walk trough that fire together, until they reach no flames and even further.

 _"Good evening, or morning.. whatever... I'm Dr. Dominic Petterson, I will take of Commander McGarrett in following days."_  
 _"Doc... How is he?"_ Everybody was back on their feet again. But sad sigh of man responible for Steve's life now made them terrified.  
 _"Well.. I don't even know where to start. He made it from surgery, but it was in and out most of the time. He has uncountable amount of injuries. Let's start with the most serious. He has gunshot wound in his shoulder, clear trough, he was lucky. We stopped the bleeding. He also has three broken and four cracked ribs, brain concusion, extensive swelling on his back from torn shoulder muscule, his back is covered by deep cuts causing blood loss again, water in lungs, overdosed by mescaline and mixture of other drugs, burned marks on his torso and several cuts and bruises. I hope I mentioned everything."_ He turned paper he held in his hands to chek it and than continued making eye contact with them again. _"He is very weak, he needs rest, meds, rest, meds and over agin. For now we will keep him in medicaly inducted coma until his body gets rid of the remains of the drugs and until all the number get close to normal. I guess we won't risk waking him up until tommorow evening in the best scenario. Now we gave him some meds and vitamins to strenghten him up and painkillers to make him as comfortable as we can. He is on the ICU right now, we need to keep eyes on him. And before you ask, yes you can see him, not all at once, two is enough for him. I need you to know that he is aware of most of th things happening around him, so keep talking to him, just be with him, it will help him a lot. ... Any questions?"_  
 _"Is there a chance he could ... is there.. some permanent damage?"_  
 _"For now it's pretty soon to tell, but it looks like he will be good. Besides some scars he should regain full recovery."_  
 _"Good... that's good.."_ They hugged and tapped each other's shoulders in relief.  
 _"I will send Nancy to show you the room, she will be there in a minute. Detective Williams, can you please for a word?"_  
 _"Uhm.. yes, sure.."_ Danny looked around. Their faces were still the same, but little smoother. Game is not over, but it's on a good way. So he followed the doctor to the quiet corner.  
 _"Detective, I wanted to talk about what happened to him. I worked on him several times, I know he is a tough guy, I know the work of his, we both know... But I've never seen him like this...that man was tortured... I mean badly tortured.."_  
 _"I know .."_  
 _"What I want say is that he's been trough much these days... We need to be careful. Sometimes soul needs much more healing than body. Danny I know you are the one who can pull him trough this... my best advice is talk to him all the time.. bring back the best memories, tell him good news.. whatever..just make sure he won't stuck with his recent memories.."_  
 _"Yeah.. I'm not leaving him ever again... thank you doc.."_

Danny knew it. He knew Steve needs him now more than ever. And when he entered his room and saw him, he was even more sure about it. With every new step, being closer and closer, he was more prepared to give everything in this world to wake him up and make him forget everything bad in his life. When he touched his hand and saw his eyes move, he knew he will never let that happen again. Not letting his hand, ever.

 _"I got you brother.. I got you now.. and I'll stay this time.."_

* * *

 _We've taken different paths  
_ _And travelled different roads_

 _I know we'll always end up  
on the same one when we're old_  
 _And when you're in the trenches_  
 _And you're under fire I will cover you_

 _Oh brother, we'll go deeper than the ink_  
 _Beneath the skin of our tattoos_  
 _Though we don't share the same blood_  
 _You're my brother and I love you that's the truth_

 _We're living different lives_  
 _Heaven only knows_  
 _If we'll make it back with all our fingers and our toes_  
 _5 years, 20 years, come back_  
 _It will always be the same_

 _ _And if we hit on troubled water  
I'll be the one to keep you warm and safe  
And we'll be carrying each other  
Until we say goodbye on our dying day__

* * *

 **Hola friends!**

 **I'm sooo sorry I'm posting this later as I promised, but unexpected stuff came to my way.. Now it's ok and I'm happy to be back again! I really enjoyed writing this chapter and hope you like it too. Please let me know what you think! 3**

 **Friendly reminder: Take everything conected to medicine easy.. I have no idea what am I talking about :D**

 **I've decided to add some whump. :D It will be shown in Steve's flashbacks and I hope it wil work just great. Have plenty of ideas on my crazy mind so stay tuned! :)**  
 **I don't have written the next chapter yet but it won't take long, guess I'll rather book two weeks now haha . :D. Guess Catherine will wake up in next chapter and... eh no spoilers..**

 **so... I love you all .. thank you for your time reading this, I hope it's worth it :) I would be the happiest girl in the world if you leave a smol review and share your toughts and opinions! THANX! Have a wonderful time, see ya around! 3**


	13. 1 800 seconds

_It's a dangerous thing..._

 _... to love what death can touch._

* * *

CHAPTER 12.:

 ** _1 800 seconds_**

* * *

 _"I got you brother.. I got you now.. and I'll stay this time.."_ Danny shyly sat on white chair next to him, still holding Steve's hand but carefully, scared he could hurt him. Steve looked different. So much different. His hair was messy. It wouldn't matter, Steve looked good with messy hair, but now it caused strange feeling that could sorely made Danny smile. It tempted him to smooth it... all back to place as Steve liked it. But he was still too afraid to touch him somewhere else than his hand so he gave it up. For now. Steve's closed eyes moved again and breathing changed rhythm. Danny felt tiny pressure under his palm as Steve's fingers shook.  
 _"Shhh,.. Steve it's okey.. it's okey.. you are okey."_ And for a while he wasn't sure if he said that to Steve or to himself. Was it supposed to convice both of them about something that was clearly an enormous lie? Steve's breathing was quicker.  
 _"Look at you... it shouldn't be this way... but it is..._ " He was silently starring to floor for a while. _"doctor said you will be allright.. I knew it.. you are freaking Steven McGarrett, right?"_ And when he raised his head he realised Steve is struggling. It's not just an awareness of his surroundings. He clearly wanted to take control of is body, escape the injured cell made of blood, bones and sullen memories he was trapped in, rather escape than stay. His nightmares were hunting him and there was nowhere to run, because his own mind and body were against him. His fingers running over the sheets, his eylids moving wild and head flinching, Chest raisnig up and falling down in unpredictable rhythm all together creating unbearable cacophony of pain and fear, mirroring the horror movie in Steve's head. Getting more violent and boiling inside him just about to croos that line and explode out as a dark sticky fluid that was keeping him trapped inside his own body.

 _It was so small. Small small hell of his. It was the first nigh here and he hoped even the last. He would gladly spend it back in the chair as yesterday. So so small. He couldn't breathe. So small and dark. His limbs curled to his torso, making the tiniest form possible so he wouldn't feel so big against his reality. So he would feel smaller and unimportant, harder for his demons to find. Right hand on back of his head, soothing, cold fingers getting down on his neck. He longed for small distraction, even smaller than this room seemed. He would be grateful. Just small distraction. For some reason he couldn't get used to his surroundings, couldn't adapt and it drove him crazy. And then he heard something. Felt cold air fell on his shoulders from above acompanied with quiet crack. And than cold droplets landed on his face, connecting to streams and letting the river out. Wild river falling on him, licking his warm body and disappearing in the drain under him. Cold and small reality. Little streams of water crawling on his skin, hugging him tightly. So small, nowhere to hide. It was falling, making him cold, freezing him alive. And than it stopped. He was so tired and scared, he longed for something to keep him out of here. Still squeezing himself, hugging his knees with one hand, soothing his neck wit other he fell in lull sleep. Even cold, but so exhausted. It was the only distraction he could achieve._

 _"Steve, you are allright, I'm here with you, I'm real... it's just a nightmare.."_ Danny kept repeating himself for both of their sakes. Steve was still shivering badly and his lips started to move. It looked like he is telling something but the movement was so slight it was more shaking then whispering. Veins on his arms showed up as he kept his muscles tight in spasm.

 _Again. He took a deep breath and hid his head under his palms. The water brought him back, bringing new wave of sensation to his body. It lasted and lasted, pounded down on his weak body tearing the warmth away from him and taking it down to nowhere, never coming back. It was like last pieces of cloth were torn away, leaving him completely naked in the desert of ice. He was still wearing his black cargo pants, but they seemed to be exhausted too and gave up on their purpose to deliver some heat and shelter. They were wet and cold, taking the punishment alongside him. And again it stopped. He even didn't know why, but he started to count. 1,2,3,4... Maybe it will keep coming. 11,12,13,14... At least he could make himslef ready. 26,27..._

* * *

Kono was with Catherine. Steve couldn't and she was second closest person to her, not Joe, she was. They became really good friends. They could share everything and help each other. Kono was little sister Cath never had. Cath was a best friend Kono never had. They found each other and were glad for it. And when she finally opened her eyes, fell back to sleep and opened them again, Kono was there. She soothed her, gave her comfort and was her rock to hold onto. Cath cried a lot. She was exhausted and still not awake completely because her boddy was stuffed with drugs. It's hard to get rid of them in just couple of hours. Kono understood and gave her her time. She talked to her, slowly and carefully, gave her her strenght. And when Cath asked what happened and Kono saw the fear in her eyes as she cried she shed tears with her. Women has marvelous nature. They share their feelings and it's making them stronger, helping them to heal. Cathe knew she is not alone, she is allright. Maybe not now, but she will be. Eventually. _"Is somebody with him?"_ Her fingers strongly took hold of Kono's hand so she could feel the concern flowing in Cath's veins. _"Yes.. Danny.. don't worry he is in good hands now."_ Cath calmed down a little and let herslef to sink back to sleep, satisfied. _"You both will be allright, darling. I know it."_ She kissed her forehead and sat back to chair by her side making herself comfortable.

* * *

 _1789, 1790... For some reason it was calming. He wanted to know so badly how long it will take. It kept the small space around him bigger, it kept the walls on it's place. Only now he understood how Danny feels when his claustrophobia kicks in. It's pretty terrifing. And he also knew, if in some miraculous way he will se him again, he will do everything to prevent Danny from that feeling. 1794, 1795, 1796. His focus is on the numbers. Counting them in order brings him comfort. Sureness of every next number makes him feel that he has control of his situation. It's strange but it works. 1798, 1799, 1800. And the skies above him opens again and his drowning in the stream of freezing water once again. Shower head is too high for him to reach, walls are too close to let him run. He has to keep steady and forcibly take the pain. It was for sixth time now. It comes every 1800 seconds and lasts for another minute. It means he has been here for over three hours. But if he is staying here until morning, he has a problem. Serious problem. His body won't be able to ragain back the warmth in few more showers. He will face hypothermia and with his current injuries it will be nasty. Water was gone and he started to count again. He had to. Eyes closed, terribly shaking, curled in the croner of that small small cell. Blue lips slightly letting out the warm numbers. Counting is important. It's everything he has now. His whole world is now composed of those 1800 numbers and he is not gonna give them to anybody. He counted his mantra thoroughly. He felt he has to take good care of his last property._

 _"Buddy can you hear me? You have to calm down a little.. You are safe.."_ But it seemd like Steve couldn't hear him anymore. He was caught deeply inside. His muscles tensed and his lips shivering and somehow it made sense to Danny. Steve's breathing was stronger and Danny realized he is counting. Counting the numbers. He touched his right hand that was tightly squeezing the sheet and pressed. He crossed Steve's fingers with his own to make Steve feel the heat of his hand. Make him feel his smooth squeeze. _"It's okey, it's okey... it's okey..."_ He was repeating over and over and over again. He had nothing else to do. And when he saw Steve's breathing is getting back into line, he held his hand even tighter. It was working. In a while Steve's lips stopped whispering his prayer. He was calm and it seemed that nightmare let go of him. _"You will be good.. I will help you babe.. we all will walk that road together."_

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 _ **Hello!**_  
 _ **Oh my my! You are the best. Thank you for your feedback, it's super encouraging! So here we have another chap. I hope it wasn't as boring as short. I'm sorry but to make the story look like as I imagined it in my head is freaking hard sometimes! Hahah. Trying my best. Luv ya!**_  
 _ **I would like to know what you think about this one. It needed more details tho more Cath..., but I wanted it more mysterious so after heated argument with myslef I left it this way. And it's Steve centric story so.. :D Geez I'm crazy, aren't I? haha I'll leave it up to you to consider if it's working.**_  
 _ **So lemme see some opinions on this crazy chapter and see you sometime soon! Have a beautiful day!**_

 _ **This time no any spoilers for next one! *huahauaha* :D Lot of good stuff ahead!**_

 _ **PS: If you would like to read more about something, or you have idea about adding some scenes, lemme know! I'm opened to everything! THX**_


	14. Subconscious

**_Warriors are not the ones who always win,_**

 ** _but they are the ones who always fight._**

* * *

 _CHAPTER 13.:_

 ** _Subconscious_**

* * *

 _In loving memory of person, who taught me the happiness. (†16.05.2018)_

* * *

Hours passed, neverending state of mind stayed. It's been 18 hours since Danny removed Steve's shackles in deep forest, since he carried his damaged body to safety and watched Junior desperately trying to overcome the death. It's been hours since he heard from doctor the dreadful list of injuries caused to his friend and hours since he saw Steve drowning in his nightmares. Now sitting quietly by his side, he had a lot of time to think. What happened and why... He didn't understand. His mind tried to dive with Steve to his nightmares, attempting to find answers. He just watched as people changed seats next to him and spent couple of minutes with Steve. And Steve was still asleep, not able to explain anything. And Danny was glad that he was still asleep, because while he slept, he stayed away from the cruel reality that awaited him when he wakes up, away from all questions and from all people. If he could, he would take Steve away, to some silent place, giving him the time and space to strengthen himself again.

 _"Go get some coffee kid... I'll stay."_ Joe put his hand on Danny's shoulder.

 _"Thank you.. but I finished one just now..."_ Joe just nodded, sat down and quietly continued watching Steve's shallow breathing.

 _"I wish I could stop it... somehow.. you know..."_ Danny finally talked to Joe, he had chosen him because he was the one who knew Steve the best, maybe better than him. If Joe could only convince him that Steve would be fine, because this time he was not sure about it.

 _"Everytime I sat by his bed I was thinking the exact same thing Danny. But you need to know there is no way you could change the past. And you need to stop saying 'If perhaps'.. it will eat you alive for nothing."_ That's what would Steve said. He tought about it for a minute and then he couldn't resist the old memory.

" _That day when he killed Wo Fat I tought it's finnaly over. I spend that night in here with him because he was scared to be left alone. He didn't tell but I knew. When he woke up screaming in the middle of the night I... I prayed that God would stop this madness. But it's still lasting... it's still lasting and I don't know how to help him."_ Danny rubbed his face. He needed to get rid of tears. Both men were looking at Steve when his head suddenly moved, he breathed in deeply and let out a small cough. Danny touched his hand again.

 _"Hey sleeping beauty.. you there? Steve?"_

Steve blinked and glued the blue blue eyes on blurred face in front of him.

 _" 'ason."_ His eyes were trying so hard to focus, but everything was just blurred and painful. For some reason he couldn't move.

 _"..please.. no."_ He felt the hand, cold and strong hand. No. He can't be back.

 _"Shh.. Steve, it's okey, you're safe."_ Danny saw the empty look in his brother's eyes, the fear and vulnerability, something he saw inside them only once. He held his hand and touched his face gently. But Steve jerked away from his touch.

"Steve, do you know who I am? Can you hear me?" But the blue eyes were still empty looking for something, just avoiding looking at Danny again. His breathing was rapid and small drops of sweat appeared on his forehead. After a few seconds he finally spoke again.

 _"Where am I?"_ Scared and disoriented. He was shaking terribly and obviously in pain.

 _"Steve, Steve look at me. You are in hospital, you are safe. You need to calm down, we found you. I'm here... I'm here with you."_ Danny didn't make a move, just patiently waited for his friend to realize. Steve finnaly looked at him again with big eyes.

" _How.. did you know?"_

 _"Know what?"_

 _"I'm alive."_

Danny smiled. " _Cath told me."_

Steve's face was extremely pale. His expression became more painful. He hissed the small question. Couldn't control the tears anymore.

 _"What?_ " Suddenly Danny had a strange feeling, telling him something was wrong.

 _"We found you thanks to Catherine, she told us where we should look for you, she's fine."_

Steve just tried to speak again, but no words came out.

 _"She is okey now, she is sleeping and she'll come to see you later. Don't worry. Now you need to heal and gain some strenght again, babe. Could you do that for me, huh?"_ He didn't know. He tought she was dead, when Danny realized that, it was as if a knife had pierced his heart.

 _"I can't move... why I can't move? I can't move."_

 _"Hey, hey, hey, slow down...I got you.. it's okey.."_ He smoothly rised Steve's right hand, holding it still so Steve could see it's free from ties.

 _"You see? They are gone.. it's okey."_ Steve just stared at his sore wrist and shakily moved his fingers in Danny's palm. Then he closed his eyes and sighed in relief.

 _"He's good, and he is sorry for that shoulder ..."_ Steve calmed down once again.

They were alone in the room. Danny did not even notice when Joe left them, but he was happy to stayed alone with Steve. He was terribly hurt not only physically. They stayed quiet for few minutes, while Danny watched Steve's weak breaths, just to be sure he was okay. But he knew that he was not. The look he had was telling him clearly. He forced himself to continue the conversation.

 _"Do you feel any pain?"_

 _"No..."_

 _"You sure?"_ No answer. _"Steve?"_ He looked at him again with those eyes.

 _"Thank you."_ Smooth pressure on his hand. Only now was Danny sure that Steve is completly awake.

 _"You know I'll be always here for you, you idiot."_

 _"No Danny.. I'm sorry."_

 _"Stop this..."_

 _"I need you to know."_

 _"Stop this now. Steve I know, ok? We're gonna get your ass out of here and than continue where we stopped. You'll be good. I promise."_

" _I never meant to hurt you.. I'm sorry._ " Tears were dropping from his eyes and he seemed broken... shaterred to million pieces.

 _"You didn't hurt me, Steve. What are you talking about?"_ Danny was again confused.

 _"I'm sorr..."_ He was out. Again drowning in needed sleep. Needed but not calm. Danny knew, he has the nightmare again.

 _He longed for freedom so desperately now. Is this how Hell feels like? You long for everything you can't have? You need to go, but you are forced to stay? You want to just die, but they won't give you that mercy. He longed for freedom so much. It doesn't matter what kind of freedom. He just wanted to leave this place and this state of mind. But he couldn't because it was his decision._

 _'You are weak.' The hand. Cold and strong hand. 'He wasn't that weak. There was fire in his eyes until he bled out.'_

' _You weren't there.'_

 _'I'm not talking about my brother...that new friend of yours... he trusted you... so blindly. And he paid. No, no.. you paid. Because he made the same mistake that Freddie did. He trusted you. And what he got? A treason.'_

 _Words were changing places with heat. Poisonous hot tongue was licking him, getting trough his skin, burning. And he didn't understand the meaning of a single word. The walls he built are slowly crumbling down. He would give anything to see him again, even for a moment. He would give anything to turn back the time, to go back to that night, sit with him, talk, laugh and wait for the first star as usually. For one last time._

 _'That's right. Haha. He screamed just like you. I hope they found him. It won't be a nice looking if he stays there for long.'_

 _'Danny'_

 _'Call his name! Beg him for forgiveness! He also called your name when he knew it's over. But he stopped when he realized you are the reason for his suffering.'_

 _Heat and cold. The pain is now his only company. Pain in every possible meaning of the word. Is it true?_

 _'I told you to choose! I gave you options. But you made me choose for you! He could live now, but you killed him!'_

 _'END IT! KILL ME! PLEASE!' He longs for freedom so much. It doesn't matter what kind of freedom._

 _..._

 _"Please!... End it! Danny! Just kill me, please.."_

 _"Steve! Wake up! It's just the nightmare!"_ Danny was terrified. Steve begged for death. He did. Steve would never... he has a training to endure torture.. he...

" _What that bastard did to you? Please just wake up. Focus on my voice. Steve!"_ Minute ago they were talking and now he is fighting again. But will he win that fight?

 _"Danny... I'm sorry brother.. I didn't mean to hurt you."_

 _"Steve I'm here! I'm holding your hand, can you feel me holding your hand? Focus. My hand is real."_ Steve's eyes widely opened and his breathing was uncontrolled.

 _"That's my boy!. I'm here. I'm real. It's over."_ It happened so fast. He had to be exhausted. Six days plus one in hospital and it's still not completely over.

 _"I'll call a doctor.. I'll be right outside the doors, okey?"_ He waited for Steve's nod and runned to doors.

* * *

" _What is your name?"_

 _"Where did you took Lt. Rollins?"_

Nothing just blank stare of a defeated man. His last defense was to stay quiet and Lue and Rowan knew it.

" _How much he paid to you?"_ Man sitting in front of him had nothing to loose. So he had to be harder.

" _Listen to me very carefuly. You and and the other two guys did something you shouldn't. You pissed me off. But the other two fuckers are dead now, unfortunatelly for you, you weren't fast enough to run from me. So now, you better tell me what I want to know, or I will do the exact same things to you as you did to McGarrett, and I'm sure you know what that means. I will repeat the question and if you have at least a piece of self-preservation, you will give me the answer. And I warn you, I don't like playing games. What is your name?"_

Silence was interrupted by painful scream as Lou's fist landed in man's stomach.

 _"Do you like it? Huh? I'm sure you do...Good news is we got all the time for you. So?"_ He gave up quicker than they tought.

" _Chavier Romero._ "

 _"Good boy. Now Chavier, tell me everything..."_

* * *

" _Lou called. Rowan found our man. They beated confession out of him._ " Kono smiled after long time. Chin hugged her and everybody in waiting room felt a little better. But pressure was still unbearable. . They were waiting all day, exhausted and finally the first good news came out. But the atmosphere soon disappeared when a team of doctors rushed to Steve's room. Something was wrong. A couple of seconds later, Danny came out. He was worried and had black circles under his half-closed eyes "Danny! What is going on?"

" _Danny! What is going on?_ "

" _He woke up. It was rough.. his heartrate was out of lines so they need to do some check ups.. and so they sent me out."_

 _"How bad?"_ Danny runned his right hand trough his messy hair, sighed and answered.

 _"Bad..He was pretty out of it.. Then fell back to sleep, but everytime he... he has nightmares.. bad ones.._ " Danny was thinking about what Steve said, about his screams and he had no idea what to do.

 _"How is Cath?"_

 _"She is sleeping now. The drugs are slowly getting out. She is better."_

 _"Did she tell something?"_

 _"She was asking about Steve but then fell asleep again."_ They just stayed in silence, Danny pacing around like a maniac until nurse finally came out of Steve's room.  
 _"Detective?"_  
 _"How is he?"_  
 _"I talked to him. He refused sleeping pills, I would_ recommend convincing him to change his mind _."_  
 _"No.. I mean I will but he needs a break from those.. you know.."_  
 _"I understand. We gave him something to calm him down. Those bad dreams can be caused by remains of that drugs. It will get better, don't worry."_  
 _"Thank you."_ Nurse just smiled and left. Danny didn't even turned around, he rushed back to room.

 _"Hey."_ Steve looked so tired.  
 _"Hey."_ Danny approached his chair and sat down. Room was filled with mild evening light, last purple sunrays. Everything was like in slow motion. It would be such a beautiful evening if things were different.

"Do you want something to drink, babe?" Without waiting for an answer, Danny poured fresh water into a glass and put a straw in it. Then looked shyly at Steve. He simply shifted his head towards the white straw and slowly took a sip. Then he leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling.

 _"Thanks."_ Danny placed the glass back on bedside table.  
 _"Is everybody allright?"_ His voice sounded even more exhausted.  
 _"Yes, don't worry. They are here in the waiting room. Sending their love to you, hehe. Docs said only one visitor at the time so... if you want to replace me just let me know."_ Danny carefully cleared the table and turned his attention back on Steve.  
 _"No, you can stay... for now"_ Steve added and his mouth created a little, almost invisible smile, but it was noticed.  
 _"I missed you too Rambo."_ Good sign. Danny felt a little better.  
" _What happened?_ " Purple rays slowly faded out just like Danny's mood after this question.  
 _"From were should I start?_ " Just carefully, you don't want to scare him Danny. Steve hesitated for a second like he was trying to remmember the last moment.  
" _The van..I think Junior was there.. what happened?"_  
 _"_ Yes.. they took him when they were checking it and found out something was wrong. He said he managed to kill one of them and pointed his gun at that bastard, but he used you as a shield... so.. he had no choice but to shoot. that's the part of the shoulder. "

 _"Did he kill him?"_ Steve still was looking at the ceiling with same unreadable face.  
 _"Yes. The third one escaped, but Rowan and HPD found him couple hours ago. He is locked now. It's over."_  
 _"Rowan?"_  
 _"Yep.. Chief Thomas Rowan... he said he worked with you. He came to me after funeral.."_ He shouldn't say that. No, no... not funeral.. Steve doesn't have to know they burried him.  
 _"What?"_  
 _"He helped us a lot... he will come to see you soon."_ Talk it away Danny.. don't let him to ask!  
 _"Good... And then?"_  
 _"Junior pulled you out, and called for help._ We brought you here and you've slept since then _. That's it."_ Steve closed his eyes, turned his head back on Danny and opened them again.  
 _"And Catherine?"_  
 _"Well.. that's longer story.. she was found on the Kianaloe road looking for help. A guy took her to the hospital and called me... till she lost consciousness she told me about you."_  
 _"What did they do to her?"_  
 _"She is little shook. Couple of cracked ribs and bruises. She will be fine."_  
 _"I tought she was dead. He killed her."_  
 _"Hey, hey.. no.. she is alive and safe. Don't worry."_ Silence. Again. Danny didn't know what else to say.  
 _"Danny... I.. he showed me the recording..I'm sorry, brother."_  
 _"I know.. and there is nothing to be sorry for, Steve... I am the one that should apologize..."_

* * *

 _ **TBC**_

* * *

Special **THANKS** to my friend _Marce_ , who brought light to my days. Thank you for your hard work and amazing ideas!

* * *

 _ **Hola friends!**_

 _ **I'm sorry for being inactive for such a long time. Lot of hard things were happening. Now, I'm free until august so I'll try to catch up. I hope you're not mad about me.**_  
 _ **Now I have a wonderful Beta (love you sweetie :*) I hope you will enjoy the story much more!**_  
 _ **Thank you for your time and reviews. I couldn't wish for better readers! Let me know how you (dis)like the story so far!**_  
 _ **See you around soon!  
**_

 _ **FRIENDLY REMINDER: For my slovak speaking readers (if there are some haha) I have something special! I'm trying if people will like it so if you are one of them, please go check my profile where you can find this story in slovak language (still in proggress). If there will be a good feedbacck I will translate all my stories in the future. Love you all and thank you! **_


	15. Bullets can't be put back into a gun

**_I lied and smiled.  
_** ** _Smiled so they won't see, so they won't ask.  
Because if I told them, they wouldn't understand.  
I smiled and took a deeper breaths, silenced irrational thoughts, calmed racing hart, told myself I'm okay.  
And it was beautiful how I convinced myself about it, even just for a tiniest second._**

* * *

 _CHAPTER 14.:_

 ** _Bullets can't be put back into a gun_**

* * *

 **(Tripler Army Medical Center, 20 hours from rescue)**

Danny walked out of Steve's room. He was exhausted, desperately needed a nap. But he couldn't leave side of that bed for that long. So there is only one solution. Coffee. He looked at the waiting room. All the people in there were as exhausted as him. They were afraid, worried.

This moment reminded him the funeral. When he was standing in front of them, ready to talk and just watching their faces. Now it felt the same but it was so different. Chin was in the corner, talking by phone probably with Abby. Kono and Adam who arrived just two minutes ago, holding hands, keeping still each other. Tani absently looking out of the window and stepping on the same place.

Junior with his fingers crossed on his neck and sight glued on the floor. Danny knew his thoughts. He knew, because he had them too. Junior was playing those moments in his head over and over and over again. No chance to stop them. Every time, they were getting more terrifying. Junior knew Steve's military background, he knew his habits, his way of life and seeing him like that was just vague. That was because he didn't know Steve's other side. Side that he never showed. Side that was the main and larger part of him, but still never seen. The kid was just in a very dark place, dealing with it with an admirable dose of calm. Just like Steve would.

With each step closer to coffee machine and closer to them, he felt more and more exhausted. He felt the pressure falling off from him, but at the same time he was loosing the support that kept him on his legs. Somehow he knew he wouldn't make it to the blessed source of his energy. Or he just wanted to remain quiet , keep himself away from warmhearted looks and of encouragement words. He didn't need those. His legs stopped and he turned back to Steve's room before he was noticed. He slowly slid his body in a white chair, closed his eyes and layed his hand on Steve's.

 _"I'm back. I guess I will sleep for a while Steven. I hear you in my head, yelling me about how too much caffeine will kill me. So if you wake up, just let me know okay? I'll sleep just beside you."_ His hoarse voice faded to silent warm breaths.

* * *

The dull light still coming through his eyelids. He felt warm and cozy, there was no pain just his heavy body and air filled with the scent of fresh flowers. Now he moved his head, opened his eyes widely trying to focus. He saw Danny shrunk in that uncomfortable chair, his eyes closed, hair shaggy and his left hand extended to bed and gently holding his own.

Sudden clink forced him to take a look to the other side of his bed. He saw a nurse with a white tray full of different things. She noticed him being awake and smiled.

 _"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I'm Nancy. I will take care of you over the next few days. How do you feel, Commander?"_ She was young and pretty. Her hair was carefully drawed to natty bun and her eyes were deep, dark and so familiar.

 _"Like I was hit by a truck."_ She smiled again and checked his IVs.

 _"That is good. I brought you chicken soup. You need something warm in your stomach. Later we may try a bigger meal. What do you say?"_

 _"How long he's been there?"_ Steve turned his head to Danny.

 _"I think he never left your side... He's been here since you were brought."_ She was looking at him with compassion. _"How about if I give you a spoonful or two of this soup? I'm sure you are hungry... and Detective Williams will be happy to see you have eat something, when he wakes up..."_  
 _"Okey."_ It took a while until he responded, but making Danny happy had convinced him.  
 _"I can do it by myself, thanks._ " He reached the plastic cup, filled with warm liquid, and the spoon.  
" _Oh, wait a second Commander! Let's sit you first."_ She gently put her right hand on his back and her left offered him for support. Steve slowly pulled himself higher. Pain exploded trough his whole body and he couldn't hold a groan.

" _Easy, easy... there is no need to hurry."_ She held his hand strongly and with the othder one she pulled pillows behind his back to support him.  
" _Are you comfortable? Anything hurts?"_  
 _"I'm sure he will tell you he never felt better."_ Danny noted as he was leaning over Steve. They didn't even notice when he woke up.  
 _"You should sleep."_ Steve kept his eyes closed dealing with pain and slowly leaning over the pillows.  
 _"Shut up. Are you allright? Huh?"_ Danny placed his protective hand over Steve's good shoulder and pulled his chair close, then sat down.  
 _"Yeah. I'm good. ... Nancy could you?"_  
 _"Sure. Just slowly, small sips."_ She handed him the cup and spoon again.  
" _Or would you like a straw? It's easier..."_  
 _"No, thanks."_

Danny watched him as he squeezed the small tool and with shaky move shoved it into warm soup. Second later the spoon was out of the cup again, shaking more than before. Steve tried so hard to handle it, not to show Danny he is struggling but with every inch closer to his mouth, his hand was more and more shaky. He had no choice but stick it back to cup. Danny saw as his eyes glazed with disappointment and grief that he was not able to even feed himself.  
 _"Nancy, could you give us a minute?"_  
 _"Of course. I'll be in nurses room if you need me."_ She smiled again and left two men alone.  
 _"It's okey, I'll help you."_  
 _"No, I'm good, I just need a second."_  
 _"C'mon. Let me help you."_  
 _"Danny.."_  
 _"Stop that, would you? Nobody is gonna think of you any less, okey? Just, please... let me help you."_  
Steve saw that look in Danny's eyes. He let him to took the spoon of his hands.  
 _"What's that look? C'mon... open your mouth._ " And first sip touched his tongue. It was kind of blessing to feel something other than blood in his mouth again. It was just a hospital crap but right now it tasted like heaven.  
" _Is it good? Huh?"_ Danny laughed a little. _"I feel really sorry for you, but don't worry. Kame will bring something eatable as soon as they let him."_  
 _"Thanks... right now I would even enjoy your fritata, bro."_  
 _"Oh you are so funny. Eat, you idiot._ " When the cup was almost finished Steve had enough. He lowered his head on the pillow and closed his eyes.  
 _"You want those back?"_  
 _"No, it's good. Thank you."_ Danny remained quiet and placed the cup with spoon back on bedside table.  
 _"You should go home... take some rest, Danny. You've done enough."_  
 _"I woke up just 15 minutes ago... I'm fresh, okay?.. you are the one that should sleep."_  
 _"Tired of it."_  
 _"You are tired of sleeping? Did the guy totaly screwed your brain?"_ Danny took a deep breath when he saw Steve's face.  
" _I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to.."_  
 _"There is nothing to be sorry for.."_ But he said nothing else. He still lied with his eyes closed, trying to get his breathing under control.  
 _"Hey.. uhm... I don't wanna push you or something but... if you would want to... if you are ready to talk about it... I'm here okay? I just want you to know that."_  
 _"Thanks, Danny."_ Silence. Again. Danny hoped that something would come out of him, but he realized it was not the right time yet.  
 _"I'll let you rest, be right outside. Sleep well?" He was almost next to the door._  
 _"Danno?"_  
 _"Yes, babe?"_  
 _"Did he hurt you?"_ Steve was now staring at him with concern. His right bandaged hand clenched into fist.  
" _No, don't worry. He never touched neither of us."_  
 _"I... could you stay... please?"_ Danny didn't hesitate for a second.  
" _Of course I could."_ He walked back to his chair and quietly sat down.  
 _"What time is it?"_  
 _"Uhm.. it's almost 6 a.m."_  
 _"How long I've been out?"_  
 _"Well, we brought you here yesterday at 3 in the morning. But if you mean ... you were there for six days, babe."_ Danny stood up and walked to window to slide the blinds a little.  
 _"I'm sorry about the other day, Danny. I should have waited.."_  
 _"You knew it, right? You knew what was going to happen."_ Danny looked at Steve painfully. He was observing his every move.  
 _"Yes... I did."_  
 _"I should have known too... I saw you and I... I just should have known..."_  
 _"It's not your fault Danny. I did what I did and only I am responsible for it."_  
 _"True. But nobody deserves ... this."_ Danny pointed with his hands on hospital bed.  
" _You don't deserve this, Steve.._."

Few knocks on the door interrupted them. Kono walked inside with a gentle smile, followed by Adam, Chin, Tani and Junior.  
"Aloha, boss. It's good to see you back. How are you doing?" They stopped by his bed. Tani added some fresh flowers to the vase on his bedside table.  
"Hey, guys." They were prepared for everything, but Steve's weak form in the hospital bed touched every single one of them. He was pale, left side of his face was bruised, he had deep gash above his right eye. Bones on his face were more visible. He had bandaged wrists and from under his hospital shirt, there were showing bandages on his righ arm. Everything else was hidden under the shirt and sheets. He was faded to the point they never saw him. That's what six days of torture causes.

 _"Lou is sorry but has some business to finish with this case. He will come to see you later with Chief Rowan..."_  
 _"Thank you... thank you all..."_  
 _"If you need something just let us know brah, okay? We are here for you."_  
 _"Thanks... you guys did enough... go home... take some rest.. I'm not going anywhere.."_  
 _"We just wanted to be sure you are okay... but Danny has eyes on you so... sure you are."_ Tani, now sitting on the back of Steve's bed, smoothly stroked Steve's right leg. Very smoothly, jut in case it's injured too.  
 _"Okay brother... we let you rest... take it easy okay? We will come later."_ Chin tapped the corner of bed, he was too afraid to touch him. They smiled and walked towards the doors.  
" _Junior?_ " Steve whispered weakly like he was loosing it.  
" _Yes sir?_ " Young Seal turned around and deeply looked at him.  
 _"Thank you... for everything."_  
 _"No need to thank me sir. That's what we do. And I'm sorry about that shoulder, sir."_  
Steve smiled weakly when he saw the grief in young soldier's face.  
" _You did right. He was asking for it. Thank you."_  
 _"Hooyah sir. I'm glad you are doing better."_

He left them alone. Danny still standing by the window, saw the feelings consuming Steve again. He had that his thousand yards stare filled with tears. Those fake smiles and effort he had to put to this conversation cost him so much energy. He wanted to make them feel better, he wanted them to think it was not that bad. But he was shattered and Danny was the only person he let to see that.  
 _"You know what?"_ Danny approached his seat again.  
 _"When we finish our business here in this place, we will repeat that night, deal?"_  
 _"Yeah..."_ Steve just weakly hissed and closed his eyes.  
" _Good. You sleep now. I'll be right here."_  
 _"Danny, can you do something for me?"_  
 _"For you?... I can do anything, babe. What is it?"_  
 _"Can you go check to Cath? Please, tell her I love her, and I'm sorry."_  
 _"Of course. But sleep until I come back, ok?"_  
 _"Yes, mother."_

Danny looked at Steve once again before he closed the doors behind him. Steve was already out. He looked tired and uncomfortable, but there was nothing else Danny could do for him, but pray he won't have another nightmare meanwhile he were not by his side. He left the room and walked down the corridor to Cath's room.

* * *

He stopped by. Took a deep breath and looked trough the blinds on her pale face. He forced his hand to reach for doorknob.  
 _"Hey sweetie."_ Danny just sadly whispered and aproached her bed.  
" _Do you feel any better?_ " Smooth and warm touch made Cath turn on him.  
" _Danny... yes, thank you. How is Steve_?" She was so pale and shaky. So much that it made Danny shiver too.  
" _He is better. Actually, he wanted me to visit you. I'm supposed to tell you that he loves you and.._ " One more deep breath. " _... and that he is sorry_."

Catherine was looking at him with sadness and concern. Her eyes were wet. She was so emotional and Danny understood that because she saw what happened. Worse, she felt it on her own skin. Her hand squeezed Danny's.  
 _"Thank you."_ Danny's other hand stroked her hair and cheek, whispering the words she needed to hear.  
" _You will be okay. It's over."_ And Danny just hoped it's true.  
" _Tell him that I love him too. That I'm okay. Tell him we are okay. That I'll see him soon, tomorrow. Or maybe today! Dr. Petterson said I could use wheelchair today."_  
 _"Hey, hey, slow down. You start to sound like him."_ Danny smirked a little and saw Cath smiling too.  
 _"I will tell him everything, don't worry. And we will see what we can do about that wheelchair, ok?"_ She nodded gratefully.

" _Where is Joe by the way?"_  
 _"My superiors called. He went to take care of it. Also I told him I needed some sleep, he left because I asked him to, don't worry."_  
 _"Are you sure that you don't want somebody here?"_  
 _"I don't. I mean... I'm glad that you came, but... I need a litttle space, you know..."  
"Hey, look at me." _He touched her cheek again. _"He is a fighter, I don't need to remind you of that. You know the best. We are all here to help him and you. He is not alone. Neither are you. If you need to talk... I'm here."_ Cath rubbed her face dealing with tears.  
 _"I'm just afraid, Danny. He hurt him so much. He used me to hurt him. He used everything and everybody to hurt him. If this did not break him, I don't know what could..."_

* * *

 _ **TBC**_

* * *

I can't be more grateful for this amazing person, who is so so patient with me. She is so talented and kind. THANK YOU Marce!

* * *

 **Aloha friends!**  
 **Oh, I'm so sorry for updating this slowly. But I have to finish this story this month, cause I won't be able to write for 2 months at least. So we are slowly getting to the end. I guess two or three more chapters.**

 **Thank you so much for your time and please, let me know what you think about the story in reviews. Have a wonderful day!**

 **PS: I can't wait for blessing ceremony of 9th season this monday! Who else is with me? :D Yay!**


	16. Never really over

_If you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones_  
 _'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone_  
 _We're setting fire to our insides for fun_  
 _Collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home_

 _Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silouhette_  
 _A lifeless face that you'll soon forget_  
 _My eyes are damp from the words you left_  
 _Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest_  
 _We're setting fire to our insides for fun_  
 _To distract our hearts from ever missing them_  
 _But I'm forever missing him_

* * *

 _Chapter 15.:_

 ** _Never really over_**

* * *

There was something wild flowing in his veins. Excitement? Concern? Fear? Or was it happiness? It was making him feel strange and he could not explain why. He was now pushing the wheelchair smoothly forward and shortening the distance between them. He still had Steve on his mind. As he returned back to him and told him everything about Cath. As he saw, his mood rise up a little. Now he was entering his room with Catherine that was too excited and full of different emotions.

Steve was still pale and his bruises were more visible. Lying still in his hospital bed with those bandages and severe tubes coming out of his skin. He slowly turned his sleepy head towards the door, but when he saw his visitors, his eyes wide opened.

 _"Cath."_ His voice was weak and croaky. He tried to get up, but his body was too damaged. A groan escaped from his feeble lungs, but he couldn't take his eyes off Catherine.

 _"Easy, easy... shhh."_ When she finally reached his hand, she started crying quietly. Steve was just looking at her, squeezing her hand with one and soothing her cheek with the other, as far as his body let him. He didn't even blink.

 _"You are alive."_ He whispered. And Danny saw how heavy and important this situation is for Steve. He let him to cope with it, because now he had to do it all by himself. He quietly left the room.

 _"You are alive."_ Catherine repeated the silent whisper and smiled through tears. It were broken and blessed words . She gently pressed her cheek to Steve's palm. It was something unimaginable. He never thought he would see her again, feel her again. He would give anything to feel her kiss touching his lips... anything. She was dead and now she was not. But concern kicked back in.

 _"Are you all right? What did he do to you?"_ She saw it in his eyes. He felt guilty. For her, for himself, for everything.

" _Steve... I'm okay now. Just couple of scratches and cracked ribs. Nothing I never coped with before. I just need couple days in bed to-"_ She was cut off.

 _"I'm so sorry. I would never let that happen again."_ Words coming out from his soul. God, he was so hurt. She touched his cheek now, stroked his hair and looked at him deeply.

 _"Listen to me Steve, please. Whatever is going on in that head of yours, it's not your fault. And before you speak again, I repeat no, it's not. What happened with Freddie was a tragedy and I know, God I know how much hurt it left to you but it wasn't your fault. Freddie made his decisions too. What Jason did to you is unjustifiable. It wasn't something you deserved, it was a terrible crime. Something Freddie would never wanted. He tried to get inside your head using this bullshit as a revenge, using me and everyone else. You didn't deserve it. I can't imagine how hard it has to be, but you must know I'm with you in this, so is Danny and everyone else. We love you, Steve. I love you. We will be all right. You hear me, sailor? Please, stop punishing yourself."_

She leaned and kissed him. Her ribs hurt like hell but it was nothing comparing what Steve had to feel. He said nothing, just kissed her back. It was the best thing he could ask for. Not even their tears spoiled it. He felt wave of relief, warm feeling of gratefulness. If she didn't make it, he would never forgive himself. She is so beautiful. God, she is beautiful. If someone ever wanted to hurt her again, nothing could stop him, no cell would stop him and no hiding would protect them from him. She is so pure, so strong and she is so wild. She is hot as white sunrays, cold as midnight moon. Gentle like quiet summer rain and ruthless as heat of the flames. Her skin is soft like heaven, her hair smell like the ocean and her eyes... he still sees the last sunrays glistening in them, the moon, the stars. Her eyes are his skies. She is his and he is hers. They found themselves again in pain and suffering. They survived. And he kissed her again and forgot about everything...

* * *

Steve spent three more days in hospital. A never-ending circle of check-ups, sleepless nights and visitors made a number on him. Danny knew Steve so well. He couldn't wait to get home and try to get back to his old life and to exact daily schedule. Camaro parked in front of the house. Steve was looking at doors.

 _"Everything all right, babe?"_ He blinked and breathed in deeply.

 _"Yes."_

 _"Let's go goof."_ Danny tapped his knee and got out of the car. Steve did the same but with much more effort.

 _"Nobody's there. I wanted you to have that for a while. They will come later for lunch, are you ok with that?"_ Danny asked shyly.

 _"Thank you, Danny. I'd like that."_ He smiled and put the key in. Everything was same, it smelled like home, just as he wished. Danny tossed Steve's bag next to couch and headed to fridge. He pulled out two bottles and closed it again.

 _"You know I can't drink now, right?"_

Danny waved two bottles high before his face. _"Lemonade... and are you really asking, Steven?"_ He just smiled, looked out to the beach and they both walked outside to their spot.

 _"It's pretty hot today. Great for doing nothing."_ Danny sat comfortably in his white chair and opened the bottle for Steve.

 _"Thanks, buddy._ " He glued his sight on blue ocean again. Home. That's what he needed.

 _"I missed this."_ Danny took a sip and watched as Steve threw a sentimental look at him.

 _"Yeah, me too."_ And they remained silent for a while.

 _"Have you talked to Catherine today?"_ Steve asked.

 _"No, why?"_

 _"She's leaving in two days... they called her back."_

 _"What? But... Why?"_

 _"It was planned months ahead. She is physically able to go now, so she has no choice. She will be back in 5 weeks."_

 _"And you are okay with it? I mean... now?"_

 _"Yes, Danny. I'm okay with it. It's part of the job... be ready any time. And plus... it's just the five weeks."_

 _"Why am I even surprised... she has talent for leaving every time you need her."_

 _"Danny..."_

" _Hey.. I don't want to argue first five minutes at home, ok? I just have my point of view... neither you are gonna change it. That's all. If you are not mad about it, that's your decision."_ Both of them took a sip again trying to cool down the conversation.

 _"And what about the trial? Will she come?"_

 _"Of course Danny. She was taken too if you remember."_

 _"Ok... just asking. One never knows..."_

 _"What time it is, please? I don't have my watch with me."_

 _"Oh! It's almost noon. Time for meds, babe."_ Danny stood up and walked inside to look for Steve's meds. In a minute he was back on the beach with a glass of water and three white pills. He extended his hand to him.

 _"Thanks again, buddy."_

 _"You´re_ _welcome."_ Danny watched him doing his recent days ritual. Steve had to take meds every six hours to stabilize his blood pressure and eliminate the rest of the drugs from his system. Just one of the many things that were added to his routine for following days. Not only meds and special skin care for his burns, but also exercises for his really screwed shoulder. For now it's just light stretching. Gunshot wound and torn muscle will take some time to heal. Steve took off his flip-flops and buried his toes to sand.

 _"Kids will come in an hour with some good stuff."_ Danny read message from Tani and Steve smiled again. But his smile faded when he leaned to chair and his back protested on touch. He hissed quietly and leaned back front.

 _"Wanna pillow?_ " Danny asked seriously.

 _"No, not helping at all."_ Danny kept looking at him concerned and Steve noticed it.

" _It's okay Danno... not that bad as it looks."_

 _"Nice try... how is breathing?"_

 _"I will tell you, this air is blessing. It's better but... still coughing when I have to breathe faster. It's driving me crazy.. I feel like an old man, you know... climbing some stairs feels like a marathon."_

 _"Well your lungs have hard time living in you buddy... Don't worry... just take it easy. You will be back to running very soon as I know you. But not as soon as you think, superman."_

 _"I know... I know... don't push yourself too much."_

 _"When Cath leaves I'll stay. Can't risk to take you off my sight."_

 _"Danny... I can take care of myself okay? You need a break too."_

 _"Can you tell me how do you want to change your dressing on your back and shoulder with just one good hand? Also, I need to stop you from swimming attacks and other great ideas of yours. I'm not asking... I'm just telling you."_

Steve said nothing. He had enough of convincing Danny. He knew it was for nothing and to tell the truth, he was glad Danny offered him to stay. He can't be alone. Both, his body and mind needed help. After minutes of annoying silence, he decided to say it again.

 _"Thank you Danny. For everything."_

 _"You would done the same for me... no need to thank me every minute."_

 _"I'm just lucky... to be back... and have you by my side. There was moment I thought I lost it... everything."_

Danny knew it was the best to remain silent for a while to let him talk. Too many questions too soon made him feel uncomfortable. So he waited.

 _"There was a moment I gave up."_ Steve had that look again. Broken and not sure about anything.

 _"No, you didn't give up. You wouldn't be alive now. You just had enough, you reached that line where you don't care what is happening anymore and just decided to take it... bring it to the end. That's what you did."_

 _"I spent my whole life doing crap all over the world, preparing my mind and my body for whatever the most crazy places and people can throw on me... to handle it. Come out of it... not to lose faith and not to quit. I just... I feel like it was for nothing. When I was there... I forgot everything. I just felt the pain... Maybe I'm too old for this already."_

 _"No. You see yourself as weakest man. Now let me tell you something. Who can survive six days of hell? Six days of your loved one being in so much danger in front of you? Six days of unimaginable torture and someone blaming you of such thing, and you survived it and managed to protect us all from him. No one else got hurt because of you. You were able to keep all his attention on yourself for six days, Steve. You are the strongest person I've known."_

 _"That sounds nice but it wasn't like this. He convinced me that he killed Cath in front of me and I didn't do anything about it. I believed he killed you and I wasn't able to do anything about it. That's it."_

 _"You were drugged and strapped to the fucking chair!"_

 _"You can't understand..."_

 _"No I can't. I don't know what he did to you. I saw the place, I saw the list of your injuries but I can't know what he did to you unless you tell me. I know it's hard for you. I know. But please try."_

Danny let Steve to catch a breath and then tried again.

 _"What does the numbers mean? The 1800 numbers... counting."_

Steve turned his look on him again. He was pretty shocked and confused clearly trying to figure out how Danny could know about it.

 _"The first night. You had a nightmare, then you started to count in your dream and you calmed down."_

Steve closed his eyes in regret Danny knew about this too. Much less he knows is better for him. But now he deserves an answer. Danny patiently watched him to take a couple of deep breaths and burring his toes deeper to sand.

 _"Second night there, I found myself in a small... small place. I could not move I just kept hugging my knees... It was so small. There was showerhead above me... I could not reach it. Water kept flowing every now and then and I had nothing else to do so I started counting. It was coming back every-"_

 _"1800 seconds..."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"For how long?"_

 _"I don't know... I lost track of it... Until the morning... I guess."_

 _"Every night?"_

 _"No..."_

 _"And... the others?"_

 _"Uhm.. First, I spent in chair... then... I don't know which one it was I... there were the pipes..."_

 _"What pipes?"_

 _"The pipes in that room. They cuffed me to it and ... and again, the terrible sound kept coming every half an hour to keep me out of sleeping."_

 _"The pipes in the corner? I mean... the only way... you were standing there all night?"_

 _"Not whole night. I was too tired to keep myself standing after hours I fell on my knees but..."_

 _"But what?"_

 _"Wrists were cuffed too high behind me. I could not lean my body on anything or put a knee under me because my ankles were cuffed too. As I was falling my shoulder, muscle got torn under my own weight. And I couldn't stand back up."_

 _"They didn't help you? They left you hanging there like that?!"_

He just nodded. No emotions. He couldn't let Danny see the pain. Danny found no words. He passed his hands through his hair and gasped.

" _Yeah. It wasn't the most comfortable position. It really hurt so I kept distracting myself by counting. Over again to 1800."_

 _"I'm sorry... I'm sorry it took us so long..."_

 _"Don't Danny... we talked about this too... just.. Let's change the topic... we will have enough of this tomorrow. How are the kids?"_

* * *

 _"Welcome home, boss!"_ Cheerful voices, happy faces and smell of good food appeared at his front door. Steve smiled and welcomed them all. Kono with Adam, Chin, Junior and Tani, Lou with Renee and kids, Jerry, Kamekona and Flippa, Noelani, Duke, Melissa with Charlie and Grace. Steve was surprised how many people came. When he finally reached the end of the crowd and was about to close the door, he noticed another car parking in front of the house. And he almost fell to his knees when he saw them. Joe and Catherine waved and approached the entrance. Also Thomas followed them. She hugged him without a word.

" _Welcome."_ Steve whispered and kissed her.  
 _"Sorry for coming late."_  
 _"Joe."_ Joe shook his hand and smiled in relief. Then hugged him too.  
 _"I'm glad you are home, son."_  
 _"Thomas. It's good to see you, buddy. Thanks for everything."_  
 _"Anytime, Smooth Dog. Happy to help, happier you are in one piece."_ No more words were needed. They joined others inside and saw Danny, Tani and Kono unpacking the food.

Atmosphere was great, everybody was smiling and enjoying the moment. Except Steve. It wasn't he wouldn't be glad to see them, have them all around. He was just exhausted. Danny noticed his extreme effort to remain calm and "happy". Steve really wanted them all to think he is okay and getting even better. But he was not okay. So he started to think about an escape plan for Steve. Nobody asked a question, they knew it was a bad idea. It was too soon and maybe there will never be the right time. Danny wasn't the only one noticing Steve's struggle.  
 _"I need some air, are you with me?"_ Cath leaned from behind and kissed his ear whispering a lifesaving offer.  
 _"Yeah, sure."_ Danny was grateful she saved him first.  
They both walked outside to beach but not sitting down. Steve pressed her to his chest with his good hand and kissed her head. Danny watched them for a second but he realized they are gonna stay like that.  
Everybody remained quiet. Danny took a sip from his beer to distract himself. But then the question sounded in the room.  
 _"How is he, Danny?"_ Kono was still worried. And for a good reason. She knew Steve.  
 _"I don't know. One moment I think he's better but then... I'm really worried about tomorrow..."_ He looked outside again. Steve and Cath sat down close each other facing ocean.  
 _"He doesn't have to be there all the time. Just his part."_  
 _"Even just his part is enough Tani. And you know him. He is not gonna stop fighting now. No matter what we say to him."_

Two hours later, it was again time for meds. Everybody left some minutes ago and Steve went upstairs to bed. Cath and Danny stayed alone for little talk. While Danny was preparing all pills for Steve, Cath sat on the other side of the kitchen table.  
" _I know you are mad at me Danny, but it wasn't my choice. If I could, I would be here all the time."_  
 _"I'm not mad. I just feel sorry for Steve, it's my thing, you know. He understands that. That's important, not me."_ He put the glass of water and meds on the tray and to other hand he grabbed bag from hospital.  
 _"Danny I need to go now. If you will need something, call me please."_  
 _"Where are you going?"_  
 _"Last issues before leaving."_

 _"Oh. Okay. See you tomorrow, I hope."_ He walked around her and disappeared upstairs.

* * *

 _"Are you awake?"_ Danny quietly entered Steve's room and shed a silent whisper. Steve turned to him, looking really tired.  
 _"Yeah, it's three already?"_

 _"Yep. Here you are."_ Steve threw the meds to him without thinking and showing any kind of emotion.  
 _"Good boy."_ Danny smiled as Steve put empty glass on his bedside table.  
 _"I got bad news. You need to put your shirt off."_  
 _"No. It's good. It can wait until tomorrow._ " And he tried to lay back.  
 _"You changed it yesterday. It can't wait. If you want to be back in shape, you need to let me do it either you like it or not. C'mon, take it off." S_ teve was looking at him a little bit scared.  
 _"It won't take long, promise."_ Shirt involuntarily slid off and revealed Steve's bandaged torso. Danny took a deep breath and started taking dressings off. With every shown inch of his skin he felt angrier. When they were all gone and Danny saw all Steve's wounds, he shivered. And Steve noticed it.  
" _Like I said, not as bad as it looks, Danno."_  
 _"Shut up, would you?"_ Danny just couldn't breathe when he looked at his back. It had to hurt so much. He wanted to know why. He needed to know. But was too afraid to ask.  
" _I broke one of his men's nose. It almost worked... until I made a mistake and ended back in chains. He made sure I wouldn't do it again."_ Steve knew Danny's thoughts, they were too loud. So he answered without question.  
 _"You tried to escape?_ " But no more answers came.  
" _Of course you did... you are a freaking ninja."_ Danny let out a little smirk to get rid of memories. He now understood the reason, but the cruelty he will never spell out. Horror of Middle Ages interrogation. It will be never spoken aloud, but images of Steve hanging in chains and being whipped played in his mind and hunt him for a very long time since then.  
When he finally finished covering all cuts and burns and also cleaned his gunshot wound he grabbed the stuff and stood to leave.  
 _"Go to sleep, ok? You got a long day ahead, babe. If you need something, I'll be down."_ Steve slowly lied his body back down and threw a grateful look on his partner. And there was the horror movie in Danny's head again. He knew that the guy with broken nose was the one that they had locked up. It was Chavier Romero who did this to Steve. Beyond all wounds, these will be the ones that stay with Steve forever. These scars won't fade. His whole back is covered with them and Romero is who caused it. And Romero is who will be standing against Steve tomorrow face to face. Who will last longer? It will be a game. Six days secrets unseen, unheard, unspoken will be revealed. It's just the matter of time until one of them loose their calm.  
 _"Thank you, buddy. Get some rest too."_ They exchanged smiles and Steve closed his eyes.  
 _"Sure thing. Sweet dreams you neanderthal."_  
 _"Danny?"_  
 _"What?"_  
 _"Could we... tomorrow before the trial... I would like to make a stop at cemetery."_

Danny's heart sank. He felt like stabbed again. He should have told him earlier. He should have told him that he is buried and has tombstone right next to Freddie's. He should have told him they really thought he was dead and buried an empty coffin. For a moment, they gave up on him...  
" _There is something I need to tell you, Steve..."_

* * *

 _ **TBC**_

* * *

 ** _So here we are. Again, my thanks go to Marce, who is watching my grammar. Thank you, darling!_**  
 ** _Also to my wonderful readers and reviewers who are so patient with me. I hope you still like the story. Thank you for all your feedbacks!  
Next chapter coming soon.  
See ya around! _**


	17. Face to face

_Can you lie next to her_

 _And give her your heart_

 _As well as your body_

 _C_ _onfess your love_

 _Can you look into the mirror_

 _And feel the peace_

 _C_ _an you rest your head_

 _not hearing monsters in your closet_

 _And can you kneel before the king_

 _And say I'm clean_

* * *

 _CHAPTER 16.:_

 _ **Face to face**_

* * *

 _„There is something I need to tell you, Steve..."_

Steve's tired eyes were looking at him again. Hard to tell if he was more scared or curious. Danny approaced the corner of his bed.

„ _Buddy I know how it will sound but you need to know that we never stopped looking for you..."_

Now it was crystal clear. Steve was scared of what he is going to say.

„ _What are you talking about, Danny?"_

 _„Jason came to our office and presumed you dead. We-"_

 _„I know... I know Danny... it's okay."_

 _„No, listen. We ... There was a funeral. We burried you, Steve. And you still have the grave ... empty grave next to Freddie's. I will have it removed but I don't think it's best idea for you to... come around... and see it, you know."_

He showed no emotion, just calmly blinked. This „poker face" scared Danny more than whatever reaction took place in Steve's head.

„ _You had a speech, didn't you?"_

Danny little shocked by that question tried to find the right words. But stone-cold face in front of him suddenly smiled.

 _„It's okay, Danno. Of course there was a funeral and your speech. I understand. Don't worry about that._ " Seal lied back and closed his eyes. It was obvious he was very tired. Danny just stared at him for a while until he realized that his friend is already asleep. It's crazy and somehow unbelievable for him. He would surely freak out if he was presumed dead.

* * *

Next day came soon. Danny woke up on the couch, sun was already pretty high. But suddenly he freaked out. He slept over meds time. His phone showed 07:04, just four minutes after his usual alarm. Slowly he managed to pull himself up and walked upstairs to look for Steve. And he found him in his bathroom brushing his teeth. When Steve's reflection caught his worried face he mumbled something like Good morning Danno trough his full mouth.

„ _I missed your meds.. twice, actually.._ " Danny started apologeticaly. He felt really bad. He was supposed to take care of him and he missed the most important thing.. twice! Steve finished with his teeth.

„ _Don't worry... I took them. I'm glad you finally caught a good sleep, there was no reason to wake you up._ " Steve smiled back at Danny's smirk. His face full of relief and pity was something unusual because he was always mad and concerned so it made Steve smile even more.

„ _I know you are a big boy, I'm proud of you... you don't have to give me that Grinch smile, babe. C'mon we need to get ready."_

And the morning went by. Familiar things felt stranger and uncomfortably. Nothing has changed but it didn't fit with Steve anymore. He was stranger to his own skin. The look in his eyes when he was putting on his white shirt over his damaged body, tying his tie in perfectly practiced shape, when he put his uniform on and his eyes stuck on his chest... the look was strange. As everything around him and inside him. He felt like stranger to his house, to his skin, to his family and his past... he was stranger to his life. Golden trident and ribbons felt heavy like they belonged to someone else. Behind every one of them there was a memory but it felt like they weren't his. Face starring at him from the mirror has changed.

He was supposed to stand as himself, as Lieutanant Commander Steve McGarrett...

...but also as a victim. But he was still only stranger to all of this.

* * *

Danny watched him more carefully now. He saw a man trying so hard to be the man he used to be. He watched him approach Freddie's grave and almost heard the thoughts in Seal's head, he watched him looking at his own name and heard how the havoc was replaced by complete silence. Then nothing, straight face, no emotions just quiet thank you. Simple phrase with deeper meaning than he could ever imagine.

He watched him walking to the building, meeting everybody, keeping himslef steady like only he knew. Acting like nothing has changed. He saw that his soul is still inside him. Hidden deeply but still there. It's hard to describe him. A man who has seen things that saw only very few and lived trough things that no one lived trough, but him. What is the right word to define a man such a McGarrett? Single word is never enough.

And it started all over again. They were standing there by his side waiting for the doors to be opened and for the man to walk in. He could never guess what is going trough his mind but he looked calm as never before. And when the man finally walked in, Danny could feel the tension between prey and predator, only it was hard to tell which was which.

Romero had defeated face and maybe it wasn't just a mask. Who knows? This was the kind of the day when nothing was clear. But Steve seemed to be the only one who knew the meaning of each Romero's word and move. He always had clear vision and admirable calm that helped him to deal with situation. Maybe that's why he excelled in the military and also in the job he has now. And he had that will to overcome everything life throws at him. He had once for sure. But did he keep it or was it just perfect illusion?

Just few hours ago he struggled with his demons and nightmares and now he is standing here, strong and tall as Danny once wished him to, when he tought he lost him forever. But also he knew the rules. It costs Steve so much energy because he still wasn't completly back. Familiar and strange things and faces all at once.

Only that one face didn't belong to that pattern and kept hold of Steve's attention. And he recieved a look as answer from time to time but always too shy. Words of accusation were spoken but Danny doubted either of men payed attention. Just their presence in the same room was too much to handle. Man like Steve, now being the victim and the man that put him in this position. If it was Jason facing him now instead, only God knows what would happen.

Everybody was tensed and aware of every single detail, watching every Steve's move. Danny could hear their prayers for him to be strong when his name was called.

 _"Commander Steven McGarrett, please come to the_ _stand."_

* * *

Danny:

 _Steve gave me the look. He was confused and maybe little scared but he never showed._

 _„I'm with you, buddy."_

 _I told him. I wanted him to know that I can be his steady place until he can't find his own. Especially now. And Steve stood up_.

 _„Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"_

 _„I do."_

 _„So help you God."_

 _Steve sat there, still calm. Answered question after question changing looks between me and Romero. God, I'm praying so loudly in my head that I hope he can hear me. It's lasting eternity and the end is nowhere to be seen. The video recording from our office when Jason came to tell us Steve is dead was played. I don't know how could I believe it. This time Steve didn't look at me. Not even at me on screen. It was unbearable for me... I can't imagine what is it like for him. And when it seemed that all the questions were asked there came a new one._

 _„Commander, can you tell us what exactly happend the day when Lieutenant Freddie Hart lost his life?"_

 _And I heard as everybody stopped to breath..._ _... including me._

 _„Objection, your honor! It doesn't change a fact that Jason Hart and his men commited the terrible crime."_

 _„Rejected. It's a motive, Miss Clayton. Please, answer the question, Commander."_

 _And Steve gave me that look again. Took a deep breath and let out the story. I heard it before but not this way. It was painful. I felt Catherine's hand taking mine but I didn't know if it was to comfort me or herself. Maybe both. Only problem was that there was no comforting hand for Steve and he had to take it all by himself. Again._

 _„... I tried to go back for him. But I saw him in the mirror. He was already dead."_

 _„What happened next?"_

 _„I was still under fire. I decided to leave."_

 _„Three years later you went back to North Korea to recover his body, is that true?"_

 _„Yes, sir."_

 _„The file says that remains of Hart's body, concretely bones indicated fractures caused forcibly after death. Did you know what happened with Lieutenant Hart after you left?"_

 _„No. When we recovered his body, I saw his skull and legs were broke. I had no idea. Naval Inteligencie and US Goverment were negotiating about this for three years. For three years we had no idea what happened with his body or where they burried him."_

 _„Is there a chance that this information could get to his brother and became a starter for his... let's call it ,vendetta'?"_

 _„I don't know. I don't think so."_

 _Steve looked exhausted. And there is no way I could help him._

 _„Commander, please could you tell us why did you gave yourself up to Jason Hart?"_

 _Without the smallest hasitation he answered and I felt Catherine tightened her fingers around my palm._

 _„I had to."_

 _„Could you explain that, please?"_

 _„He had Lieutenant Rollins."_

 _„Was that the only reason?"_

 _Steve's face was frozen, no emotion just quick check if I'm still watching him, than he looked back. I know the truth and I also know that now he needs to lie for his own sake..._ _... I just hope he knows it too._

 _„Objection, your Honor!"_

 _„Accepted. Please Mr. Kent explain your question."_

 _For a tiniest second I thanked to God. But soon he threw me back to reality._

 _„What I'm trying to say is that Commander McGarrett feels guilty for what happend in North Korea and gave himslef up so he would achieve some sort of punishment for himself, which are very similar intentions as my client's."_

 _And Steve is still calm example cut out of the books about behaviour. At least on the outside. It's almost impossible, I will always wonder how he does it._

 _"That is absurd." Ellie tried to stop this insanity again. Thanks God, odds were finally back in our favor._

 _„Your question is dennyed. Do you have any more questions?"_

 _„Yes sir."_

 _I'm sure we all knew what is he going to ask about. You take one head down and two more grow up._

 _„Did you try to escape Commander?"_

 _„Yes."_

 _„Multiple times?"_

 _„Once."_

 _„Just once? Why?"_

 _Steve's words sounded in my head. No way to shut them down. They know his background and his file from A to Z but they don't know him. This question must have hurt him!_

 _„Because the price of trying was too high."_

 _„Can you explain that, please?"_

 _„I wasn't fast enough, they caught me again. But I made some damage on them so.. "_

 _„You broke my client's... Mr. Romero's nose while you were trying to escape?"_

 _„Yes."_

 _„Were you punished for it?"_

 _„Yes."_

 _„How?"_

 _Steve looked at Romero. And that son of the bitch victoriously smiled for the first time. Keeping the eyecontact Steve answered:_

 _„He can tell you better."_

* * *

 _ **TBC**_

* * *

 **Hello there!**

 **What should I say? Well, first of all, I'm sorry for my extremly long delay, but I have my reasons. I just hope I will make you satisfied again by continuing and bringing this story to successful end. I worked on this chapter for quite time and I would love to know what you think. It would made my day.**

 **Also, I'm gonna be honest with you, next chapter has a long way to go so please be patient with me. I will do my best to make it as short as possible.**

 **Thank you all for sticking around with me, it means a lot. Thank you for your feedback and I can't wait to see ya again! A hui hou nō!**

 _ **Sasha**_


	18. All those little things

_The fear is the most powerful tool of persuasion._

 _That's why the church created hell._

 _(Movie: Robin Hood)_

* * *

 _CHAPTER 17.:_

 _ **All those little things**_

* * *

 _„Were you punished for trying to escaspe?"_

 _„Yes."_

 _„How?"_

 _Steve looked at Romero. And that son of the bitch victoriously smiled for the first time. Keeping the eyecontact Steve answered:_

 _„He can tell you better."_

* * *

 **Steve's POV:**

Whole room went quiet. Everybody was looking at Romero, but one. Danny knew why I said it. He looked at me with that energy boosting intention but it wad worthless now. I just needed it to be over and deep in my heart I hoped the lawyer will understand. Ellie turned to me too. I'm sure she would have told me to tell it myself to make it more intense, but I don't care.

 _„Mr. Kent, are there any questions, yet?"_

 _„No, your honor."_

 _„Thank you, Mr. Kent, Commander."_

I stood up. One more second and I would go insane. When I reached my seat between Cath and Danny I could feel his hand on my knee.

„ _You did great, babe. Sure you wanna stay?"_

I turned to him with only one word.

„ _Thanks."_ He understood. Catherine took my hand to hers. Her eyes were full of words but she said nothing out loud.

It's Romero's turn now. I need to hear it. I need to see his face when telling lies and in the same time knowing that I'm the only person in this room who knows the real and whole story. I need to see him my face showing no emotion under his theatral descriptions. I need him to know this is his last day breathing fresh air out of cell he's gonna occupy for the rest of his life.

 _„Mr. Kent, do you want to start questioning your client?"_

 _„Ladies first."_ He smiled on Ellie.

 _„Thank you Charles, I will gladly start."_

Ellie leaned to me and whispered:

 _„Anything else came to your mind?"_

 _„No."_

 _„Okey."_ She squeezed my hand, sadly smiled and then put on her relentless look.

„ _Mr. Romero, I think we should start with last unanswered question. Can you tell us how was my client punished for his attempt to escape and... breaking your nose?"_ She was stiff.

Romero knew there is no positive outcome for him from this day. He decided to enjoy it, take his one last chance to destroy me mentally and take from me my remaining sanity. He glued his sight on me and victoriously smiled once again.

 _„I'm pretty sure miss Clayton, that you have the list of his injuries by hand. What do you think? Which one? Huh?"_ He didn't tear his hellish eyes from me. So now we are playing games. Le it be so. I gently smiled back on him. And I swear I saw a flesh of concern that his last effort will be worthless.

 _„I'm not here to guess your sick riddles Mr. Romero."_

 _„What a shame."_

 _„So?"_

 _„ ...so Jason told me to give him a double dose."_

 _„Double dose of what?"_

 _„The mescaline."_

 _„Your honor, I would like to add that mescaline is an illegal hallucinogenic drug medicaly used in small doses as treatment of depression. Symptomes include various visual hallucinations, increased heat or cold sensitivity, dizziness, headache, anxiety, irrational thoughts, disorientation and many many more . The average human dosage is 200-400 milligrams of mescaline sulfate in 12 hours interval. The results of blood tests shown that Commander McGarrett was injected with dose of 700 milligrams which is almost double of maximal dosage, twice in 12 hours interval. Not only the the effects of drug were multiplied but also this high dose combined with state which was Commander in when injected could be lethal. Not to mention that Lieutenant Rollins was given the similar dose. I would like to add this report from my client's doctor to evidence file, your honor."_

 _„Accepted, please continue Miss Clayton."_

 _„What happened next?"_

 _„We waited few minutes until it kicks in. We tried to wake him up but he was unresponsive."_

 _„So my client was unconscious when you injected him? Why?"_

 _„Well.. he put up a fight. It was three on one. I guess you would end up unconscious too."_

 _„So what did you do?"_

 _„We started,... knowing he would wake up very soon. Turned out we were right."_

I remmember that moment and guess I will for the rest of my life. Chilling shivers ran trough my back and I felt how every single wound screamed again. But I won't let him see.

 _„What do you mean you started? Started with what?"_

 _„The punishment."_ Ellie just kept lookin at him with disgust. She knew he would continue.

 _„I messed up his back... a little."_

And there was deadly silence again, I felt all of the eyes piercing me. Ellie took a breath. Her voice was broken and she starred to the floor.

„ _Your honor, the report that we added earlier includes whole description of physical condition of my client, it means also the extensive injuries on his back. For the jury, my client has 39 open cuts caused by whipping on his back and sides. And I remind you, with hallucinogenic, sensitivity causing drug flowing in his blood system. I'll let you discern if it's appropriate punishment for desperate attepmt to regain freedom or... or not."_

 _„Do you want to continue, Miss?"_

 _„Yes. I need to ask you Mr. Romero, what makes you hate someone so much? Someone you doesn't even know?"_

 _„Objection, you Honor!"_

 _„Objection acc-"_

 _„Jason was my friend. That bastard deserved it for what he has done to his brother... and to him.. to their family. He deserves much more."_

I was asking the same question as Ellie for a very long time. That day, when I was looking in his eyes and he was lookin into mine, I realized he doesn't hate me. He hates people like me. Later I was reading his file. He lost his daughter in car accident. She was dying and driver ran away. I see the connection and I know why Jason chose him. I understand what he did. How he saw her face everytime he raised his hand on me and driver's face everytime he looked at mine. I just hope there is justice and forgiveness for all of us.

The hearing went on. Witnesses came and left, questions were answered and some of them left open. Even Catherine managed to keep cold face and survived her part with admirable dose of calm. They called Danny too. He tried to keep his feelings for himself to not let me know all the details and monsters he fought while I was gone. But sometimes simple look can tell much more than words, especially when it's your brother who you are looking at. I couldn't get more capable person than Danny to walk that road with me. But no matter what I do, I just can't save him from collateral damage. We all were just souls starved from serenity. Whatever outcome this will have, I just want it to be over so we could get back to our old life, move on without struggle and find happiness in all those little things we built our lives on.

* * *

 **Catherine's POV, later that day:**

 _„Hey."_ I grabbed two bottles of Moonlight beer from the fridge. Need to bust his mood a little and what's better than taste of beer, even tho it's non alcoholic? I guess it's worth the shot because it always worked on him.

 _„Hey."_ He smiled .

„ _Here ya go, give it a chance."_ Keeping the tiny smile on his face he little unvoluntarily grabbed the bottle. Than he pinned his sight on me.

 _„What? You know you can't..."_

 _„I know.. thanks."_ And finally he opened the bottle.

„ _Are you ready for tommorow? Do you have everything you need?"_

 _„Yes, yes. I will just throw the pills in before leaving and I'm ready to go..._

 _...Are you sure you will be allright, Steve?"_

 _„Yes, of course. I will take it easy... and mother hen will stay for couple of days, so I'm seriously fine. It's just 5 weeks... all good."_

His sad smile was telling it all. I knew it hurts him so much to let me go, apart from all his other injuries, but there is nothing I could do about it. He knows this job better than enyone and understands it. He was doing the same. Dissapearing, not from day to day but from hour to hour, when he was called in. And I understood. Maybe this was one of the reasons it worked. We knew not only our ‚guilty pleasures' and passion but also rules we were always forced to live by. You have to give all you have to it. You either love it or hate it. There is nothing in between.

 _„Yeah.. Danny was little mad about it."_

 _„He is just worried. And not only about me. He thinks it's not good idea to get back to work so soon after... you know. He is worried about you."_

 _„But you know me, right?"_

 _„I do. Just.. take care of yourself Cath."_

 _„Steve..."_

 _„No. Don't."_ I needed him to know. I need to take his face to my hands. To make him look right into my eyes finally. So I did.

 _„I'm sorry. I just wish you wouldn't put all that guilt on yourslef. I think that right now I'm the most competent person to tell you this, darling. Again. Neither of what happened is your fault. Not Freddie's death, not Jason's death and definitely not what happend to me... to us.. okay? Please, stop. I don't want you to get lost insisde your own head. Live for today, for this moment. Could you do that for me?"_

He was looking right to my eyes as I wanted. So deeply. I know he is fighting so hard inside. Seeking the meaning of it all. Finding the clue how to move on and how to explain it. Not to others, but most importantly to himself. For now, there is no such a thing that could erase all that nonsense and pain. Tears have been shed, blood was spilled. It all surely happened for a reason altough it will remain incomprehensible to allow us to heal. And maybe as the time goes by, to forget. And there is nothing in this world I would wish more. As I see the glaze in his eyes, I think he feels the same.

He kissed me. He kissed me with passion and love. I felt the warmth of his body gently filling my own, there was no fear, not desperation. It was chilling my fingers and I didn't even realise that our bodies touched the sand and our feet were getting wet by the tide. All I could feel was his strenght and determination. Every piece, that remained lying on the ground to this moment, found its original place. We were once again complete. They can burn us, drown us, separate us, but they will never get our fear. God, I love him so much.

 _„Oww._ " He suddenly leaned upon me, eyes shut with pain.

 _„Steve! Are you all right?"_ He kept his hand on his abdomen, other hand leaning on the gound.

 _„What hurts?! Talk to me!"_ He was fading right before my eyes.

 _„Steve!?"_ I almost chocked on my own scream, when his body slowly slid to the ground without tiniest warning.

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **Aloha!**

 **So here we go! I'm sorry for the little cliffhanger, but I needed little tension before we finish this ride. :D Yes, thats right, we are heading to the end. I guess we have one more chapter to go plus little epilogue. So get yourself tuned for next chap.!**  
 **There are still couple of thing that needs to be told. Do you remmember Chief Thomas Rowan? Or some other things/people that need closure? I guess you will find a bit of it in next chapter. And of course, what happened to Steve at the beach? Mwah, can't wait for it!**  
 **Also, HAPPPY NEW YEAR everybody! I hope your year will be filled with achieved goals, love, health and great FF stories!**

 **See you guys soon! Hugs,**

 **Sasha**


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